


Nothing Compares to You

by Genie60



Category: Poldark (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Courtship, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Infidelity, Jealousy, Marriage, Poldark S2, Separations, True Love, VBT, soul mates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2018-10-27 03:13:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 83,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10800513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Genie60/pseuds/Genie60
Summary: S2 Post Episode 8 fanfic.  What if Ross did return to Elizabeth and Trenwith thinking it was the right thing to do to stop George?While he's playing house, Demelza enjoys the attentions of other men who find her attractive, worthy, and fall over themselves to court her.  The suitor pool has some surprises in it as well.  While apart,  they each realize that they truly do belong together and that you don't realize what you have until it's gone.  The fight back to each other is filled with the usual Poldark angst and some much-needed humor.And Ross sees what's been right in front of him through other men's eyes, but that he's taken for granted for all these years.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing. The characters and original plot belong to Winston Graham & Debbie Horsfield. I'm just messing with them a bit
> 
> And I'm now and forever a Ross and Demelza lover as you will see.

_It's been seven hours and fifteen days_   
_Since you took your love away_   
_I go out every night and sleep all day_   
_Since you took your love away_

_Since you been gone I can do whatever I want_   
_I can see whomever I choose_   
_I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant_   
_But nothing_   
_I said nothing can take away these blues_   
_'Cause nothing compares_   
_Nothing compares to you_

_It's been so lonely without you here_  
 _Like a bird without a song_  
 _Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling_  
 _Tell_ me baby _where did I go wrong_

_I could put my arms around every boy I see_   
_But they'd only remind me of you_   
_I went to the doctor and guess what he told me?_   
_Guess what he told me?_   
_He said girl you better try to have fun_   
_No matter what you do, but he's a fool_   
_'Cause nothing compares_   
_Nothing compares to you_

_All the flowers that you planted mama_   
_In the back yard_   
_All died when you went away_   
_I know that living with you baby was sometimes hard_   
_But I'm willing to give it another try_   
_'Cause nothing compares_   
_Nothing compares to you_

****~~~~****  
 “I must think, Ross said.  I’ll be back soon but I must speak to Demelza.  I owe her that much.  And then I shall return and we will move forward in some way so that you don’t have to marry George.”  

Ross quickly grabbed his coat and departed without a looking back at the woman in bed.

Elizabeth rose, picked up the discarded dressing gown, torn off in the hastiness of last night, and went to the turret window to watch him ride off.  She felt ecstatic at this outcome. She’d finally made Ross see that they belonged together.  Turning away, she returned to her bedroom and seeing the rumpled bedclothes, remembered the events of a few hours ago.  It was clear, in her mind at least,  that Ross still felt a love and passion for her that he must not have for Demelza. That thought brought a satisfied smile to Elizabeth’s face as she started to dress for the day.  She did have a fleeting thought about Demelza and the hurt she would go through, but it soon passed.  Ross was always hers and last night proved it.  Although his lovemaking techniques were not what she was used to or even really enjoyed, she was sure he would be more attentive and less aggressive than he was the night before once he was living with her and things were not so rushed. Elizabeth assumed she would get the kind of lovemaking she was used to; tame, calm and where she didn’t have to expend too much effort.  In truth, she was glad when Francis stopped coming to her for she found the act itself slightly repulsive and not very satisfying at all. As she was taught it was meant for a man’s pleasure and for a woman to procreate and so should just accept it.  Elizabeth wondered if that was why Ross stayed with Demelza for all these years.  Perhaps his wife’s crude upbringing made her more agreeable to relations with her husband.  She did find herself pregnant twice so clearly Ross used her to his advantage.  Now she wondered if he wanted the same from her.  Last night it seemed that he did, but then he didn’t even seem to acknowledge her presence when it was over.  There was no holding or tender kisses or even words of affection; even Francis gave her that. Instead, he rolled over and collapsed into a sleep; for all, she knew he could have thought he was in bed with the town whore.  Elizabeth had wanted Ross back because she felt they never had a proper go at it and because he was rightly hers.  Their prior commitment superseded Ross’s self-imposed obligation to the urchin. The fact was that she didn’t consider all the extenuating circumstances that came with his leaving Demelza for her and that was now beginning to come to light.  What did she really want from him upon his return?  She wasn’t sure and decided that would have to wait until Ross came back and they discussed their future.

   Her main problem was how to deal with George and the rest of the family.  She would have to wait to find out how Ross dealt with Demelza but seeing as how she was of common stock Elizabeth was sure Demelza could learn to live on her own again.  She wasn’t sure about Jeremy’s future but in all honesty, she didn’t care and wasn’t sure Ross would force her to take his son.  Elizabeth did admit that if Demelza was anything she was a good mother so she’d most likely insist on keeping Jeremy with her.   This was all happening so fast that Elizabeth’s head was starting to spin but she was sure this is what was meant to be.  As she sat in front of the mirror, pinning her hair up, she wondered how long it would take Ross to return. The sooner that happened the sooner they could tell George the marriage wasn’t meant to be.  She supposed that much of it depended on Demelza, unfortunately.  _Let’s hope the scullery maid remembers who she’s dealing with and what is right_ , Elizabeth thought. With that, she rose and began her day.

****~~~~****

On the ride home Ross began to wonder what the hell he had just done and what he just agreed to.  Was this the right thing for all?  He rationalized that yes, it was because he would do anything to keep George out of Trenwith and out of Elizabeth’s life.  Even if that meant sacrificing his own family?  _Yes_ , he thought to himself even if he had to sacrifice his life for the time being.   He believes Demelza can manage without him and yet he will still be her husband, he will just be living at Trenwith to protect it from George. And will he be sleeping with Liz? That was the rub.  After last night that was the last thing on his mind. The experience was physically relieving as if scratching a long, irksome itch that when compounded by an emotionally charged day expunged much of the frustration and tension that had been building inside him. But it lacked the warmth and connection he had found without effort from his first night with Demelza. Demelza. His wife.  His lover. The mother of his children and his partner for almost 10 years. Yet he was on his way home to tell her he needed to leave her for the greater good. He would still support her and love her, but Elizabeth needed him more.  And did he need Elizabeth?  That would be Demelza’s question.  The answer to that was a bit easier to surmise.   Not really.  He wasn’t even sure he really wanted her. He just didn’t want George to have her.

As Ross entered Nampara land he saw Demelza going about her chores as normal. He rode Darkie into her stall and dismounted ready to confront and be confronted by his wife.  But Demelza didn’t give him the chance.  Instead of waiting for him to come to her with an explanation, she retreated into the house to the kitchen to tend to her son.  Ross watched her leave, her back stiff without a glance in his direction.  He knew her well enough to know that she was beyond angry.  Demelza was good at sharing her anger and moving on. No, this time she was hurt, wounded perhaps.  Her inability to face him told him that any resolve or strength she had was shattered by his actions and he couldn’t blame her.  Ross decided to enter through the front door and in doing so saw that his wife packed his bags for him. _So, she’s made a decision already_ , he thought.    As Ross stood looking at his belongings Demelza entered carrying Jeremy on her hip.  He is brought back to the reality that this is the life he’s about to abandon for an ideal.  Looking at his wife, the love of his life, he saw she was outwardly calm but knowing her as well as he did, her eyes gave away the rage that must be seething underneath the surface. _All because of his actions_ , he thought. _Perhaps I am an idiot_. _Perhaps I should just leave everything as it is and leave Elizabeth to make her own life_.  Then the idea of George taking up residence in his family home and possessing his oldest friend was too much.  He had to make Demelza see this needed to be done.

“Demelza,” he starts. “You must see that I had no choice.”

Demelza was composed but heartbroken, slowly losing the fight in front of her husband. She started to speak, her tone flat and struggling to stay unemotional.

“I’m surprised you even bothered to come back, Ross.  I thought you would just send for your things so I prepared them last night.  While I waited up for you.  I thought to help you pack was the least I could do,” she said, her voice only slightly cracking.

“You knew I would come back Demelza.”

“Did I Ross?  In truth, when you didn’t return immediately I knew that she had finally won.  She had managed, with that letter, to get you to declare your hand and give yourself to her.  You might as well just have stayed there Ross.  Frankly, I’m surprised she let you leave.”

The bitterness in her tone was a surprise to Ross. He’d never heard her speak like this no matter how desperate things had become.

“My love, please,” he said as he took a step towards her.

At the term of endearment, Demelza shrunk back from him. Not wanting Jeremy around for the rest of this confrontation she took him back to Prudie. If his parents were going to have a row, she didn’t want him to witness it. She had too many memories of her own parents fighting and she would not subject her child to the same thing.  Coming back into the entry way she saw Ross was gone but then heard a noise come from the parlor and figured he had moved there.  Taking a breath she smoothed her skirt before entering the room and steeling herself for the discussion that was to come and that in her head was long overdue.

“So now that it seems that you’ve made a choice, or perhaps it was Elizabeth who finally found the strength to make the decision. No matter, you’re free to leave. After all these years of being second best, it’s time I was first in someone’s life. Apparently, that’s not you.”

“Demelza, I had to stop her from marrying  George.  I had to make Elizabeth see that she was making a mistake.  I didn’t intend to…”

“To what Ross?  You didn’t intend on spending the night? In her bed?  In her body? How else were you going to stop her?  She didn’t care what you had to say, just what you felt. And you showed her you were jealous and possessive and wanted to keep her tied to you, just as she has done with you all these years. You played right into her hands.  In some ways, Elizabeth’s actions are less offensive because it was clear what she’s been doing all the time. Even before Francis’ death.  You, on the other hand, used the excuse of just doing your duty to her and Francis’s memory.”

“Demelza, I don’t know where you are getting the notion that what I feel---felt---for Elizabeth was more than friendship at this point.  But yes, we couldn’t help ourselves.  It just happened. Honestly, I think it needed to happen.  We needed to clear the cloud that had been over our heads for years and that we couldn’t get out from underneath.  It had nothing to do with you,” he said. Then after a pause, whereby he searched her face for some reaction said quietly, “I still love you.”

Demelza looked at him incredulously.  Did he really try to justify infidelity?  He really was an arrogant idiot she thought.

“I see. Yet even now that you’ve gotten that out of your system you still feel the need to go to her. So you still want her?”  Crossing her arms in front of her, Demelza waited for an answer

Ross stammered as he answered.

“I’m not sure. Sometimes I wonder….”

“Well wonder no more. Go to and live with her.  She obviously worked hard to get you to come to her.  Might as well reward her with you. “ 

She turned to leave as Ross grabbed her arm. Demelza stopped and looked down at his hand on her body and thought _this will be the last time he touches me. He belongs to her now._

“Demelza, please,” he whispered.

“She needs you more than I do.  I’ve been raised to be a great lady but I’m more than that. And from what I’m seeing, she isn’t much of a lady at all.  But she also isn’t worth my time hating.  If anything I hate myself more for letting this go on for so long.  I’ve loved you like no one else could. I’ve given you every part of me and in the end, it didn’t matter did it.  It was still her you couldn’t stop thinking of or wanting.” 

She moved to release his grip and he wouldn’t let go.

“No Demelza.  I love you with all that I am but she _needs_ me.  At least for the time being.  I can’t sit idly by and watch George take over Trenwith.

“And her?”

“Yes. And her.” 

“Fine.  Go.  But don’t expect me to be sitting by the fire,  patiently twiddling my thumbs waiting for you to decide if you want me or not.  Because in your mind, it’s more about who needs _you_. What’s sad is that I probably do _want_ you more but I don’t _need_ you. And your ego needs to be needed.  So Elizabeth wins that one.  As for me, right now Ross, I can’t stand the site of you.  You’ve tainted everything.” 

Ross saw that she was set in this decision and that she was not going to listen to anything he said to her now.  He couldn’t blame her but perhaps expected some understanding from her knowing her as he did.  However, did this warrant understanding?  He didn’t know.  This whole thing was new to him and he didn’t know what to say or do that would appease all parties involved. 

“What about Jeremy?” he asked.

“What about him?” Demelza said.  She looked at his face and hoped he wasn’t thinking of taking him to that woman’s house.  “You aren’t thinking of taking Jeremy are you?”

“Demelza he is still my son,” Ross started

“Yes but I am his mother. And if you remember you didn’t even want him at first.  He stays here.  You can see him when you wish, but I will not have him at Trenwith.”

He saw that she was on the verge of breaking and would not use the threat of taking Jeremy from her to push her over the edge.  He did love her, that was not a lie.  It was the unshakable thought of keeping George and Elizabeth apart that fueled his actions.  Ross hoped that someday she’d see that. He also hoped that getting George to withdraw his attentions from Elizabeth did not take very long and he could come back to his home and family. 

“Demelza I truly expected some understanding from you, but I know that Elizabeth has always been a source of insecurity to you and that your pride must be wounded by what happened.”

Demelza could not believe he used her own self-doubt as an excuse for his inability to withstand whatever it was that Elizabeth offered. 

“My pride?  Ross you really don’t know me at all, do you?” she said sadly.

“What do you mean Demelza?  I think I know you as well as anyone,” Ross responded.

Demelza sat down on the settle, her nerves starting to wear thin and her body starting to feel the effects that lack of sleep brought.

“Then you should know that ever since you rescued me during that dogfight, I’ve seen you as a man better than most.  And I was proud to work for you because you were not like other masters from what I’ve been told.  Even when people were gossiping about us you never treated me any less.  Then when you married me, I was so proud that someone like you would choose me to be your wife.  So last night, when you fell off that high ground I had put you on, you’re right that pride was wounded and lost. But it was not my pride Ross. It was my pride in you.”

Ross listened to what his wife had just told him and now he felt wounded.  He never thought that what he did would change the perception of him as a man.  If he prided himself on anything it was his moral code.  That was the reason he didn’t fight for Elizabeth when he returned; she was betrothed to Francis and family honor was important.  Now it was his wife’s honor that was compromised by his actions.  So where was that moral compass last night?  He didn’t know and couldn’t explain it, even to himself.  It was a reckless and rash decision that he lost control and that now he was reaping the aftermath.  Naturally, he could stop this by telling Demelza he wasn’t going back to Trenwith but would that be enough to restore her faith in him and their marriage?   He was afraid it wasn’t as his wife seemed closed off from him already.

“Demelza, I understand what you’re saying but I don’t know what else to do.  I can’t have George in my family’s home,” Ross said. It was almost a plea for her help and guidance.

“So why couldn’t you just speak to him, instead of going to her?” she asked.

Ross didn’t have an answer but Demelza did.

“It’s because you wanted to rescue her Ross.  You wanted her to want you again.  Or still.  Do you think I forgot her the way she looked at you during the Penvenen dinner a year ago?  I saw that she was flirting with you, probably saying things to you to keep the flame alive between both of you.  I might not be a schooled as some, but I can recognize a jealous woman. And Elizabeth was jealous Ross,” Demelza said simply.

“Of what?” Ross truly had no idea.

“Of you and whoever you were speaking to. Of us. Of our lives. You’re right that this was a long time coming but not solely for the reasons you thought.  Yes, it was to clear the past, but it was also to satisfy the present. Our lives, yours and mine, have never been easy. Being with Elizabeth reminded you of the simpler times and I think, you wanted to know if you had married what bedding her would feel like.  You needed to have her before George had her.”

Ross had no answer for her because he couldn’t deny much of what she said. 

“Perhaps you’re right.  Perhaps I am wondering what it would have been like.”

“And?” Demelza asked.

“It was not what I expected, or needed and definitely not what we have.  Truly, Demelza, my love for you has never, will never, wane.  You’re a part of me and I would hope that our love is strong enough to survive this.  I have to deal with George and Elizabeth either together or separately.  If I’m at Trenwith, George will not dare to move in.  I just need some time to see how to get Elizabeth to a place where she won’t need to marry him. And I need to work out for myself exactly what she means to me if anything at all. Can you understand that?  Will you try?”

He waited for her answer as she stared at him, tears on the brink of escaping.  His heart ached for her but he was determined to make this work out so he could rid them of George once and for all and return to his own life.

“Ross, you’ve asked much of me over the years and I’ve always done as you bid me but this time I don’t know that I can.  I love you but I don’t like you.  I’m tired of discussing this.  I need you to leave.  Take what you can now and I’ll have Jud bring the rest later.  I’m sure Elizabeth is wondering why it’s taking so long for you to come back to her.  Mustn't  keep her or Geoffrey Charles waiting.”

Demelza turned away from him and unable to stop them, let the tears flow. She wept silently for the loss of her marriage and faith in the man who saved her.  Ross wanted nothing more than to go her and comfort her but he knew that if he did that, he’d never leave. And if he was to fix everything, if he was going to finally free himself of this fever known as Elizabeth, he needed to do this. The hurt to Demelza would be deep but he hoped not long lived.

“I’ll leave.  I don’t want to upset you anymore,” he said quietly. 

Demelza nodded and pulling a handkerchief out of her sleeve to dab her eyes and wipe her nose.  She lifted her head slightly as she watched him go into the kitchen, presumably to see Jeremy.  As she sat there she could not believe that this was happening and that the life she knew was ending.   Twisting the linen in her hands she tried to steady her nerves and failed miserably.  What she told Ross before was true; she loved him, deeply but she didn’t like him. She didn’t like the person he became when the subject of George Warleggan was brought up and she especially didn’t like how he changed when he was around Elizabeth.  Maybe living with her and seeing her as Demelza saw her, Ross would finally exorcise that demon and, if fate would have it, return to her free and ready to love her with all his heart.  Until then, she would make the best of her life however she could.

She heard the door to the kitchen and assumed that Ross was leaving.  Demelza stood and was about to resume her daily routine when she saw him standing in the doorway.  There was an urge to run to him and ask him to stay and not do this, but then a vision of Ross in bed with Elizabeth flooded her mind and the original anger appeared again.

“Did you see Jeremy?” she asked speaking barely above a whisper.

“Yes.  I told him I would be back to see him tomorrow if that’s alright?”

“That’s fine.”

“Good,” he said.  Ross turned to leave but stopped and stepped back into the room, coming to stand only a few inches away from her.

“Demelza, whether you believe me or not, the luckiest day of my life was the day I found you in that dogfight. I’ve not regretted anything after that. Please believe me.” 

Whether she wanted it or not, Ross took a step closer to her, grasped her face and kissed her forehead.  With a brush of her cheek, he left. 

At the sound of the door opening and closing, Demelza collapsed onto the nearest chair and let everything she’d held inside leave her body until she was spent. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life at Trenwith begins for Ross. Aunt Agatha offers some sound advice. And Elizabeth's other sides start to make an appearance.

Ross took his time returning to Trenwith.  His meeting with Demelza did not go as he expected.  Actually, Ross had no idea what he expected.  He thought she’d understand and see that this had nothing to do with her and everything to do with stopping George.  As he got further away from his home and closer to his new situation, he admitted how silly he had been to think this time she’d just accept what he proposed without debate. Demelza had done that so often in the past few years that Ross assumed this time would be no different. Nothing could be further from the truth. She was rebellious, defiant and in some ways reminded him of his own past personality traits.  He thought back on what she had said and all of it made sense. Then why was he still on his horse riding away from what he loved?   He honestly didn’t know except that something in him was determined to stop this marriage.  Demelza had forced him to look at himself and see what it was that was driving this decision. Was it hatred of George? Or was it love of Elizabeth?  In his head, Ross thought it was a bit of both; more so the former rather than the latter.  One seemed to outweigh the other and yet he kept on riding, Nampara fading into the distance as the edges of Trenwith came into view.

The gates of Trenwith loomed in front of him and for the first time in his life, he dreaded passing through them. Since he was a child, mainly since the death of his mother, this estate had been his second home, a place where he found comfort in the company of his cousins, if not his uncle.  He, Francis and Verity had run through the halls, found secret hiding places and were constant companions.  It was also the place where he experienced the hurt of Elizabeth’s engagement to Francis; an event that apparently he’d never dealt with until twenty-four hours ago.  He’d invaded his family home and accused Elizabeth that her inability to make a decision had changed all their lives.  She didn’t deny it but didn’t admit it either.  They continued to quarrel, throwing accusations at each other ending with her statement that she loved George to distraction and would marry.  Those were the words that broke something inside him.  His vision went black, narrowing to the point where all he saw was her face and its smug countenance that he took as a dare.  He grabbed her then and kissed her hard.  He didn’t even feel his lips on hers and her lack of response lit another fuse in him that forced him to do it again. Her surprise at what he intended for his next move amused him.  She really didn’t know him at all he thought. Did she really think that one year’s worth of taunts, teases and suggestiveness would be ignored once she told him of her intention to marry George Warleggan?

Stopping just short of the gate, Ross took a moment as he looked up at the manor. Flashes of the previous night again came to his mind as he squeezed his eyes shut to try and make them go away.  The sounds of sheets rustling and garments falling mixed with the reverberation of moans pounded in his head transforming into a dull, throbbing ache.  It made him nauseous and he thought he was going to be sick right there.  At dawn, the early light not only began to illuminate the room but brought clarity to him as well.  He knew that what had transpired between he and Elizabeth was not what he imagined in the ten years since his return.  He could admit that now that hours had passed, and he’d seen the incident through his wife’s eyes and emotions.  It was Demelza who asked if the whole thing was just a ruse by Elizabeth to get him to come back to her since there really was no other way for her to reclaim him.  She wouldn’t ask outright; so she’d use the excuse of needing help with the estate to keep him a perpetual visitor. He saw that now. Ross wondered if her inability to do anything was true or just an act. Did she shudder at the cold for his benefit or a real physical reaction to the lack of heat in the house?  And finally, did George really propose marriage?  Or had Elizabeth tired of taking the slow route and did as Demelza suggested sending a letter to force his hand?  Ross had always assumed if George had won Elizabeth finally that he’d announce with a flourish making sure Ross was the first to know.  But that hadn’t happened and so doubts crept into his psyche.

Ross was beginning to feel like a fool who had been taken in a game of cards, no better than his cousin really as his fall from grace had as devastating consequences as Francis’ gaming losses.  Seeing the sun begin to set, he knew he couldn’t avoid the inevitable any longer.  He had promised Elizabeth he would return and they would find a way to help her avoid marriage to George.  Ross remembered another promise he made six years earlier: to forsake all others.  _Seems last night he had selective memory didn’t he,_ he thought.  As he told Demelza, there were no thoughts in his head at that moment of impact. Not of her or their marriage and honestly not even of Elizabeth.  It was all about him and his need to find release, satisfaction, victory over something and someone.  In the end, all those goals were lost leaving a trail of wounded in his wake. 

He trotted Darkie up the gravel path and glancing up saw Elizabeth in the turret room window, apparently waiting for him. She gave a weak smile but Ross could not return it; he couldn’t really look her in the eye. In truth, he couldn’t look himself in the eye either.  Ross bowed his head, noticing for the first time that he wore the same clothes as he did when he arrived the night before. The conflicts with Demelza made him forget to change, let alone wash. He hoped he had a chance to do that before jumping fully into this new Trenwith life. He still hadn’t brought many belongings with him, just enough for a day or two.  Maybe subconsciously he was hoping that was as long as he would have to stay.   Ross kept that thought in the back of his mind as he dismounted, waiting for Tabb to take the horse from him.  He then gingerly knocked on the door. It opened and while he thought he’d see Elizabeth come to greet him it was Mrs. Tabb.  She escorted him into the house and through the great hall to the sitting room. Still no sign of Elizabeth but there was his aunt, sitting at a table, a glass of port by her side as she played cards.  Briefly glancing at them he saw they were not her usual tarot cards, just ordinary playing cards and Ross was grateful for small favors. The last thing he wanted or needed was Agatha spouting some dire predictions.   Hearing footsteps, she raised her head to see her nephew standing awkwardly in the middle of the room as if he were a first-time guest to this house.

“Nephew? What are you doing here?” she asked in her gravelly voice. 

Ross hesitated because he was not sure how to answer her. Should he tell her the truth?  Would she scold him or praise him?  When he brought Demelza here for their first Christmas as a couple, Agatha had been kind to her, making her feel welcome but Ross knew she had not totally accepted her. Demelza was still not considered suitable wife material for a Poldark but that didn’t stop Ross from doing what he wanted and in the long run he’d been happier than he’d known.  He thought about that and drew parallels to Demelza’s fight for acceptance and his treatment of George.  All George had wanted was to be part of this social circle now that his family had fought their way into it.  Didn’t Demelza come into it the same way?  Her’s was an even more dubious entry since she married into it.  George’s family, in their eyes, earned the right to be a part of it.  So what gave Ross the right to judge him?  What gave Ross the right to decide he wasn’t good enough for Elizabeth?  He was certainly more prepared to take care of her and Trenwith than himself.   George could give Elizabeth and Geoffrey Charles everything he couldn’t and everything the Francis forfeited.  And there was the thorn.  Francis might not have met his downfall if not for George preying on his weaknesses and forcing his hand.  If Ross had accepted George’s friendship in even the slightest way, perhaps George wouldn’t have felt the need for revenge using Francis as the instrument.  Ultimately it was fate and an unforeseen accident that led to Francis’ death, but again, there would be no Wheal Grace if George hadn’t had a hand in the demise of Wheal Leisure.  _No matter what_ , Ross thought, _George has always had some part in the misfortunes that faced our family._

“Well? Are you just going to stand there gawping?  Did you bring you little bud with you?” she asked.

When again he didn’t answer, this time diverting his attention to something out the window, the old woman realized exactly what is going on. Contrary to everyone’s belief Agatha was not deaf nor was she dotty. She heard the commotion last evening and knew who caused it. She also heard the doors opening and closing in the predawn hours and put the puzzle together.  So now she wondered if her reckless nephew had returned to deal with the repercussions of his actions.  Agatha was actually surprised at his return since she knew his scullery maid did hold a place in his heart. However, there was always the prior commitment to consider and that, no matter who was hurt, took precedence.  She also wondered if he had any idea what he was in for and what the reality of Trenwith, including Elizabeth, was.  She needed to know and as head of the family had every right to ask before the object of her concern re-appeared.

“Ross,” she said softly. “What’s happened?”

He looked at her and was embarrassed because, just as Demelza knew this morning what he’d done, he could see his aunt had done deduced the same. Ross didn’t know how, but Agatha knew.

“I’ve come to stay at Trenwith for awhile Aunt. I heard about George’s proposal to Elizabeth and I can’t let her accept,” he said slowly. 

“So, you’ve come to face the consequences of what you did last night?”

Ross didn’t expect her to be that blunt but was glad she was.  If he’d learned anything in the past few hours it was that hiding or lying to oneself did nothing except make matters worse.  Demelza was right again: best to face what you’d done, deal with the hurt and move on.  He moved closer to Agatha, bringing a chair to sit next to her so that he could speak in low tones. He didn’t want the household to hear what he’d done.

“Yes, Aunt.  I made an impulsive, childish mistake for what I thought was the right reason.”  He paused before correcting himself.  “No, there was no reason for what I did.  It was selfish and now I’ve hurt the one person who means more to me than life itself.  But for the honor of this family and for Francis’ memory, I must try and find a way to stop this marriage.”

Agatha looked at him and wondered what drove this boy to follow his own moral compass.  She thought Francis was the foolish one but now she saw that Ross was driven by something just as harmful.  If Francis lacked self-esteem and worth, Ross was overly full of hubris.  She’d seen it before in her long life.  Men who were so sure of themselves and their actions that they believed no matter what they did, they would triumph and everyone else would just have to accept.  Did Ross really believe that Elizabeth would give up the prospect of riches and status because he made a gesture like the one he did last night?  She’d lived long enough and had seen sides of Elizabeth over the years to know that her focus, no matter what she might tell Ross or anyone else for that matter, was her own comfort and that of her son’s.

“My boy, what did you hope to achieve? And what of your own family?  You just left them to fend for themselves?  You weren’t raised to treat people like that,” Agatha said, clearly becoming agitated at the thought that this new act of her nephew would bring more shame to the family name than anything either Francis or Verity had done.

Ross saw the disappointment in her eyes and began to feel the guilt that had eluded him since he woke that morning.  He had tried to convince himself with a bravado that what he’d done was removed from everything else.  That sex with Elizabeth was the same as a fist fight with George-a physical attempt to change something which perhaps couldn’t or shouldn’t be changed.  He was beginning to feel pain much like someone who had fallen but didn’t know they were injured until a bruise appeared.  Well now, his bruises started to surface in the form of an ache, starting deep in his chest and coursing through his body.  Without realizing it tears had formed in his eyes and fell. His aunt reached for his hand and held it, hoping to offer some solace but knowing that this was a condition he would have to treat himself.  No one else could cure him. 

“Aunt, I thought it would be easy.  I thought I could make Elizabeth see that this idea of marrying George was wrong and that she could wait for someone else to offer a better life.”

“Did you make it appear that you were that someone?”

“I don’t know.  I didn’t intend to give her false hope and I never told her I could change things.  I just couldn’t let her marry him.  Not after what he’d done to Francis.” 

He was crying now, quietly and with little movement to his body. 

“And this is why you’re here now?  To make sure George stays away?  Or are you here because you truly want Elizabeth?” 

Agatha looked at him with a tilt of the head waiting for his answer, but fairly certain she knew it already.  Ross looked at his aunt and shook his head slowly.

“I don’t know.  The only thing I do know is that I could not let a Warleggan take over this house.”

“And Elizabeth?”

“I’ve always seen Elizabeth as the one thing I lost that I wanted a chance to redeem.  I thought she felt the same. So when I heard about her plans with George, I couldn’t see past the fact that she was giving herself to someone like him. ”

“Instead of you?  But you have a wife and family. Have you forgotten?” Agatha asked.

“No, I haven’t. It’s just in that moment of anger I needed Elizabeth to know what she gave up ten years ago when she married Francis.  And to an extent, I wanted to know that as well.  Should I have fought for her when I returned from America?”

“And what conclusion did you come up with?” 

Agatha sat back in her chair and watched as her nephew processed the question and, as if a light shone on his face, saw when he knew the answer.

“That sometimes what’s passed is meant to stay that way.  That trying to recapture or create the world that didn’t really exist in the first place overshadows what’s true.” 

Ross paused as he felt the tears on his face.  His aunt gave him a sympathetic smile and, just as when he was a little boy, he moved towards her and put his head in her lap. He stayed that way until he said, “And that no matter what other kind satisfaction one seeks and finds, no matter what the circumstance, it means nothing without love.”

****~~~~****

Unbeknownst to either of the Poldarks, the subject of their discussion was lurking outside the door, quietly listening to everything being said.  Elizabeth was shocked at the course of the discussion mainly because she had no idea the old woman could still hear so well. Now Elizabeth wondered what had she and Ross sounded like as they copulated last night. She knew that for herself she tried to be as quiet as possible but naturally the feelings that Ross’s lovemaking aroused in her gave way to standard female reactions.  Elizabeth was somewhat vocal and did remember calling Ross’s name but nothing too outrageous. She was still a lady after all and even relations required some degree of decorum. As for Ross, he was a bit freer with his responses but again there was no talking, no whispers of love or devotion. Just some of the same sounds she remembered Francis expelling when they slept together; a few grunts and moans and then a gasp as the act ended.  After that, there was sleep so if Agatha heard anything it must have been Ross’s breaking in and hasty retreat. 

She continued to stand by the door, straining to hear what else they were saying.  She heard Demelza’s name mentioned but not the specifics of that issue. Elizabeth presumed that since Ross was here, he had told Demelza that their marriage was over and that he was coming back to Trenwith and herself.  A slight grin came to Elizabeth’s face as she realized that she won.  Ross was back with her.  She should feel pity for his wife but found she did not. While she would always be grateful for what Demelza did for her family during the time of the putrid throat, that debt was long since repaid.  If she wanted to be cruel Elizabeth could say that it was paid by the death of Francis.  He wouldn’t have been down in that mine or even in the mining business again if Ross hadn’t persuaded him.  That fact just dawned on her and if needed, she would remind Ross of the sacrifice her family made when her husband died.  If Demelza had given him a fight about his leaving that would be the perfect argument.  An eye for an eye as the Bible said.

Smoothing her skirts and taking a quick look in the mirror, Elizabeth decided to join Agatha and Ross and see what exactly the two Poldarks were discussing.  She turned the knob and entered the room to see Ross with his head on the old woman’s lap and she petted his head, just as Elizabeth had done numerous times to Geoffrey Charles when he needed comforting.  _What had gotten into Ross?_ She wondered. This certainly was not the same man who came to her determined to put a halt to her marriage in any way possible. This Ross almost reminded her of Francis in his weakest moments and she was not impressed.  Before they knew she was in the room, she put on her best Elizabeth smile and walked towards them.

“My dear,” she said to Ross. “Is everything alright?”

Ross lifted his head and Elizabeth could see that he seemed to have been crying.  She had not seen him this upset since the night he came in while she was nursing Demelza; the night he called the adopted urchin ‘the love of his life’.  He could not actually be crying for her now, could he?  Last night she knew that the gangly redhead was not a thought in his mind as he took her.  So why would he be this upset now?

“Ross, did Demelza do something to you?  Was there a terrible row?” 

She tried to sound concerned but was more annoyed than anything.  There should have been no argument between Ross and his wife.  This is what should be, what was always meant to be; Ross and her together.  Luckily with both Charles and Francis deceased they could stay at Trenwith instead of Nampara. Besides, Demelza was used to that cottage so she might as well stay there if Ross allowed it.  As she knelt down to come to eye level with Ross, she saw that he was still in the clothes he left in this morning.  Elizabeth also noticed the aroma of perspiration and stale sex which made her put a hand to her nose taking a step away from him.  Now with some distance between them, Elizabeth was surprised at Ross’s appearance and demeanor. In fact, she was slightly repulsed.  This was not the gentleman Poldark who left for war and who came back with a rugged scar still pining for her.  He looked no better than any of his workers.  Perhaps he just needed to be back amongst his own kind to remind him what being a Poldark meant.

****~~~~****

Ross saw her facial and physical reaction to his appearance.  He should have been insulted but was not really surprised. It’s always been known that Elizabeth was a lady of breeding who, up until last night, followed society’s rules without question.  If Francis had lived, Ross was sure she would imitate her peers and sit at home with needlework, raising their child, while he continued gaming and whoring.  This was why part of him was relieved that he didn’t marry her. She would never have adapted to Nampara life like Demelza had.  He stood, wiping his face with his hand before taking Agatha’s port and downing it in one swallow. His patience was short as he was still weary from lack of real sleep and the aftermath of meeting Demelza.

“For your information, Elizabeth, Demelza did nothing, as well you should know.  If anything we are the ones who inflicted pain on her,” Ross said. 

Elizabeth was taken aback by his statement mainly because it sounded like he was defending Demelza.  She said nothing because she knew that Ross probably still had some feeling for that girl, but that should soon pass the longer he stayed away from her.

“I’m sorry Ross I didn’t mean to imply anything.  Hopefully, she will come to accept this as a fact of life and move on,” she said.

Her voice was smooth and sounded caring but deep down she just wanted to get past the Demelza issue and start her life with Ross.  Or so she thought. Doubts were beginning to creep into her psyche as she became acquainted with this new Ross.  She wasn’t quite sure she liked him but she wanted him if for the simple fact that she deserved him. Her mind played through what could be as they settled together when she heard him speak.

“I’m sure you didn’t.  Look, Elizabeth, I’m exhausted and could really use a bath.  So let me do that and then we can discuss what needs to be done going forward.” 

Ross started to walk past her when Elizabeth reached out her hand and stopped him.  She forced herself to bring him to her, fighting the wave of nausea that came over her as she inhaled his scent.  Elizabeth lifted her hand to his face, caressing his cheek and whispered in his ear. 

“Why don’t you make use of my room Ross?” she said. 

Ross pulled back to look at her, searching her face to see if she was sincere. Something in the way she said it sounded false.  Scripted even, as if it was something she was expected to say, not something she wanted.  He knew that now was the time to bring up what he and Agatha were talking about before she interrupted.  Ross had decided that what passed between them the night before was not going to occur again.  While he and Demelza were still legally bound by marriage, he would not conduct an illicit affair.  His presence at Trenwith would be strictly platonic and for the purpose of showing George that he was not needed by Elizabeth or any other member of the Trenwith household.

“Actually Elizabeth, I need to talk to you about our living arrangements,” he said.

Elizabeth tilted her head and waited for him to continue.  Part of her was curious to see just exactly Ross had planned for them. While another part of her cringed at the thought that he would want to share her bed every night.  She enjoyed her solitude even when Francis was alive.  That was something she didn’t want to change. Even after last night’s adventure, she would be quite content with that being an “as needed” and not nightly, event.

“What about them Ross?” she asked as innocently as possible.

“I think it best that you and I don’t share a room or anything else for that matter. What happened last night was an ill-conceived notion.  I regret coming to you like I did.  And I certainly did not come here with the intention of---well—taking you to bed.  However, I can’t change that but I can make sure it doesn’t happen again.  I will not have Demelza be fodder for gossip, nor you for that matter.  This is a business arrangement for now so that George can leave you alone.  Once that is settled I will be doing everything in my power to repair my marriage.”

Agatha sat back in her chair, proud of her nephew and the fortitude he had to stand up to Elizabeth as well as speak his mind.  Ross looked over at his aunt and saw her give him a wink in acknowledgment. Ross himself felt a sense of relief at finally saying everything that had passed through his mind both on the ride from Trenwith and the ride back. While he had doubts especially after he and Demelza had spoken he was now sure that after he had taken care of George, they would reconcile.  He had to focus on the problem at hand first and then deal with Demelza.  Ross thought about what she said; that she wouldn’t be waiting at home twiddling her thumbs and was certain that was an empty threat. Demelza was faithful to a fault, true beyond measure.  She was trying to rile him up and he had to admit it worked. 

“Ross, I don’t know what to say.  It’s kind of you to think about my reputation,” she said.  “And Demelza’s” she added as an afterthought.

“Thank you.  I think it’s for the best, for Geoffrey Charles as well. We wouldn’t want to confuse him or have him ask questions.”

“No, of course not. You do take such good care of us Ross, “she said.

“It’s my duty, Elizabeth. Nothing more,” he explained.

“I know,” she said.  “And I appreciate it.”

Ross was in a state of disbelief that Elizabeth did not object or throw herself at him to change his mind.  He was certain that one of the stipulations she would have insisted on would be that they share a bed. 

“Well, I’m glad you understand Elizabeth.  Although I have to admit, I am a bit surprised that you are so amenable to this decision.” 

“Ross, while physical relations might be important to you or perhaps men in general, for me, at this moment it’s not what I’m concerned with.  Last night was nice, truly, but honestly, I’m just glad you chose to come back to where you belong.  Once things settle we will have plenty of time to pursue carnal pleasures. Don’t you agree?” 

She brushed some dust from his jacket and gave him a typical Elizabeth smile.  Looking down at her, he was relieved but curious as to why.  From all indications, he thought that their encounter last night was somewhat pleasurable for her even if it left him wanting.  While he was confident he had satisfied Elizabeth, he was not so content.  Was he wrong about her enjoyment?

“I see,” he said.  “I have to ask, were you not pleased last night, Elizabeth?” 

Elizabeth was not used to such open conversation about such a personal matter, especially in front of others. Did Ross not remember his aunt was in the room? 

“I don’t think this is the place for such talk Ross. Maybe later we can speak privately,” she said, walking away from him as she didn’t want to go into this any further.

“No Elizabeth, I need to know. And there is no reason to hide. I’ve told Agatha everything. She is my aunt and nearest relative.  I’m not keeping secrets anymore.”  He was adamant about this so Elizabeth would tell him the truth.

“Alright. It was fine Ross.  You gave me something I had wanted and wondered about for almost ten years.  And physically it was enjoyable.  As I said once we get settled I’m sure we will find the same thing in each other again. It’s just not something I need.”

Ross contemplated her words and understood.  So basically they felt the same thing for each other sexually. Which was that their liaison was the physical manifestation of years of repression and while their bodies were satisfied, their hearts, minds, and souls were not.  Ross knew what was missing on his side but he wondered what was lacking for Elizabeth.

“What do you need Elizabeth?  What didn’t I give you last night? For it seems to me, that I gave you everything I had saved for you over the past decade hoping that by doing so I would see if my own longing was warranted and reciprocated. But I can see that is not the case.  And that actually makes what I was feeling more understandable. I wondered why I didn’t feel the bliss and joy I expected after finally being with you.  For while I found relief in your body, it could have been anyone I was having sex with last night.  For me, it was lacking the most basic of things.  Love.  I don’t love you, Elizabeth.  I thought I did. But I don’t. Not the kind of love that you build a relationship on or that sustains a marriage through death, hardship even infidelity.  It took me until now to see it.  Repeating it out loud has made it clear.”

Agatha looked at her nephew and was glad he said all that to Elizabeth. She needed to hear it.

“So we are agreed,” Elizabeth said calmly. “Now why don’t you go take that bath and change? Did you bring your things with you?”

“Jud was going to bring them over.  I expect he will be here momentarily,” Ross said.  His tone was resigned and definitely did not reflect the attitude of someone who was glad about their circumstance.

“Excellent.  I take it you haven’t had breakfast. Let me get Mrs. Tabb to set that up and we can eat while waiting for his arrival,” she said.  Ross watched as she walked out of the room, her back straight with the distinct air of a society mistress.  Once she was gone, Agatha rose, balancing on her walking stick to come stand by her nephew.

“I’m proud of you,  my boy. Whatever misstep you took must have had some influence on you. This is the first time since you made the decision to marry your bud, that I’ve seen you sure of your convictions.  Now let’s hope we can get the affairs of our family and estate settled so that you can return to the place you belong,” Agatha said. 

Ross looked down at his elderly aunt and smiled.  Her words were exactly what he needed to hear.  He also needed to know that his intentions were understood by someone and while he wished that was Demelza, Agatha would do. 

“We?” he asked.

“Yes.  I might be in my nineties, but I still have my faculties, contrary to what that upstart Warleggan thinks.  I know this family’s business better than anyone but because I was a woman was not allowed to engage in it.  Well, it seems to me, if matters were left to the women of this family, things might not have gotten so out of hand.  Now, let us have breakfast and then we can begin,” she said. 

Agatha held out her arm for her nephew to guide her to the great hall where breakfast had been set up.  Elizabeth was already at her place and Ross saw that the head of the table was set, apparently for him.  Not feeling that he should take that position, he escorted Agatha to sit there and he took a seat opposite Elizabeth.  For the first time, Ross felt uncomfortable in his family home.  From his vantage point, he could see remnants of the door he broke when he entered last night and was filled with a new wave of guilt and embarrassment. What _was_ he thinking about twelve hours ago? _And had it only been a half a day?_  It seemed like a lifetime that he came into this house uninvited and changed everything.  He hung his head, focusing on his plate when there was a knock at the door.  He looked up and saw his wagon in the drive signaling that Jud must have arrived.  Ross rose to go and greet him when Elizabeth motioned for him to sit down.

“Ross, sit. Tabb will let us know what is going on and if you’re needed will come for you,” she said coolly as she delicately spread some jam on her toast. 

He stood in place and staring down at her, wondered when she’d become so austere and proper. Where was the girl he left with her hair blowing in the wind as they ran on the cliffs?  Or for that matter the woman he saw when he returned or even who was hostess at the harvest festival where the wheels of motion were set in place, by her that drove him to this end?  Ross was confused as he took his seat and sipped his tea.  Looking around at the room that held so many memories of family events, he felt an emptiness.  Yes, it was filled with portraits and relics of Poldark history but it lacks warmth and ease. He missed sitting at his rustic parlor dining table or even the kitchen, sharing a meal with Demelza while Jeremy chatted away.   A sense of melancholy came over him and he was determined to return to Nampara as quickly as possible.  Feeling eyes upon him he lifted his head and saw Agatha watching him and he gave her a half-hearted smile.  She reached over and touched his hand when Tabb entered with Jud behind.  Ross rose and went to his servant.

“Jud!” he said as he grasped his shoulders.  “Is all well at home? How’s your mistress?”  Ross tried not to sound too anxious but could not help himself.

“She’s fine Cap’n sir.  Going about as usual,” Jud said, a slight slur to his voice indicating he had already been in the rum.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Ross said, slightly disappointed that she wasn’t wallowing just a bit for him or even suffering as he was.

“She did bid me give you this,” he said as he held out a folded piece of parchment.

Ross took it with some hesitation afraid of what it might say. Was it from Demelza telling him to never come home?  Stepping away from the older man, he broke the seal and unfurled the note.  His eyes scanned the page and without realizing he was holding it, let out a breath.  It was not a dreaded farewell letter but rather a note from his old Carnmore partner, Richard Tonkin asking to see him about a business proposal.  Ross had no idea what that might be about since it was well known he didn’t have much to spare but saw no reason not to meet an old friend.  Besides getting away from family matters for a few hours might help give him some perspective on everything.

Elizabeth finally acknowledged that Jud had arrived and that Ross was preoccupied with something.  Feeling that she should show some interest, she pushed her chair away from the table and walked to him.

“Is that from Demelza?” she asked. 

“No. As a matter of fact, it’s from Richard Tonkin.  He wants to meet me about some business proposal.  I might as well go see him.”

“I see,” Elizabeth replied, not really listening. She just wondered when this meeting would be and if it would interfere with Sir Hugh Bodrugan’s party.

“When does he want this to take place?” she asked.

Ross looked down at the paper again and saw that it was to be a two days time.

“I see,” Elizabeth said. “Does that mean you’ll miss the Bodrugan party?  I was looking forward to us appearing there together.”

Ross looked at her, wondering if she really just said that. Did Elizabeth really expect them to make an appearance in public so soon?  And what did she think that would accomplish?

“Elizabeth I told you.  I am not going to proclaim my presence here.  I’m here to help you come out from under George’s thumb and then when that is settled you can move on and I can go back to Demelza. So attending a party as a couple is not an option,”

“But Ross, I was so looking forward to going.  It’s been ages since I’ve been asked to a proper social event.  George had promised to take me.”  She blurted the words out before she caught herself and regretted it immediately.

Searching her face, Ross looked for any sign of Elizabeth actually wanting to be with George. He thought he saw a glimmer of excitement in her eyes as she spoke about the ball which didn’t surprise him.  What woman wouldn’t want to get dressed and attend a party?  He remembered at that moment that he and Demelza were also invited and if not for the disaster at the mine and then his idiocy, they would be preparing to attend as well. He couldn’t recall the last time Demelza had the opportunity to put on a gown and mingle with the gentry of the county.  It might have been the Penvenen party and even then she dressed modestly but still looked beautiful.  He was so proud to have her on his arm. Now he had left her and with it, abandoned the opportunity to show her off again.  Ross thought maybe it was best as they had little money for new clothes and the timing was less than ideal.  Ironically Ross remembered the first time he had taken her to a soiree was after Jim Carter’s death. Now there was another death on his head and another ball. Except that this time he wasn’t taking her. Instead, he was here, Demelza was home and the gap widened between them.  Ross really needed to get things in motion to get Trenwith solvent so he could start over with Demelza.  He also needed to get Elizabeth on board to make this happen.

Ross thanked Jud and walked him out to the wagon so he could grab his case.  Elizabeth watched from the window as Ross sent the servant on his way wondering what they were saying.  Sure that it was about Demelza, she turned away, sat back at the table and resumed her breakfast.  Agatha peered over her bowl of porridge at the young woman, narrowing her gaze.  She knew what Elizabeth’s intent was and was thankful that Ross had made that determination so quickly in this arrangement.  Both women’s heads rose as Ross reentered the room, leaving his case by the entryway, paper still in hand.

“Speaking of George,” he started. “I think you should write him and tell him that you’ve reconsidered his proposal.  The sooner the better.”

Elizabeth’s mood lightened hearing Ross’s forceful order that she tell George of the change in the situation because it proved that Ross was here to stay, at least for the time being.  She knew that Ross kept saying this was temporary but she was sure that would change after he saw what life at Trenwith could be like.  She would make him see that he belonged here with her as it was meant to be.

“You’re right.  I’ll go now and send George a note.  I’m sure he won’t be pleased. Now, why don’t you go take that bath? Later we can take Geoffrey Charles on a walk and tell him that his Uncle Ross will be living with us for a while,” she said her voice honey sweet.  She kissed his cheek and went to the library to end her attachment with George.

Ross hadn’t noticed she’d gone as his mind a whirl of emotions and thoughts.  Agatha saw his dilemma and called to him.

“Come here boy,” she said. 

Looking up, Ross his aunt bid him come to her and take a seat.  He obeyed as if he were a little boy again.

“Listen to me, Ross.  I may be speaking out of turn but I can see that you don’t want to be here.  So heed my advice.  Get your business taken care of in Truro and then go see your wife and child.  Don’t wait too long before you go visit.  The longer you wait, the more your bud will think that you are gone for good and we both know that is not what you want.  You need to make her see that.  And you need to tell her what you told me.”

“I know aunt. But what if she won’t listen? What if she’s ready to let go of everything we’ve built?  I don’t know what I’ll do without her.  She’s my life,” Ross said, his voice again filled with the emotion.

“I can see that.  So will she.  If you think before you act and don’t muck it up.”

Ross glanced at Agatha and saw a scolding look he hadn’t encountered since he was a child when he and Francis brought a rabbit into the house and let it loose.  Then they were sent to bed without dinner but punishment this time would be life changing.  The loss of his wife, child, and home.  His aunt was right. He couldn’t muck it up.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all who are reading and enjoying this version of events. It's clear that Elizabeth is not a favorite character and this writing of her personality is a bit extreme but needed for the tone of the story.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elizabeth breaks with George; Demelza is the life of a party and Ross starts to feel real pangs of jealousy. And after two steps forward, moves four steps back. Will the boy never learn?

While Ross was in Truro visiting Tonkin, Elizabeth had a visitor.  She expected a response to her letter to George but was still surprised that he chose to show up and discuss the situation in person.  As she saw him ride up while arranging flowers by the window, Elizabeth readied herself for the conversation that was about to ensue.  She knew George would not understand and she could not tell him the real reason for her change of heart.  However, Ross’s new living arrangement would soon be commonly known, if not already, so she would approach the topic that way.  That he’s come to do right by the family and to take care of Trenwith’s and Francis’s debts.  She played the dialogue in her head as George was led into the parlor.  Smoothing her skirt and taking a quick glance in the mirror at her face and hair, Elizabeth turned just as George entered.

“Elizabeth!” he called as he walked briskly towards her his hand immediately taking hers.

“George, I didn’t expect to see you today,” she replied nervously.

“Surely you must have known that once I received your note, which by the way has confused me terribly, that I would come here to see you.” 

George held on to her hands until she wrenched them from his grasp, needing to put some distance between them.  She turned and walked back to the table where she was putting flowers in a vase waiting for him to speak.

“Elizabeth?  Can you explain the meaning of this?”

Elizabeth faced him and saw that he held a crumpled piece of parchment. A chill ran down her spine as she recalled the words she wrote asking for an indefinite postponement to their wedding due to her change in circumstance.

“George I don’t think there is anything to explain. I told you Ross has come to help me and hopefully clear my debt to you. Therefore I think it inappropriate for us to be married at this time,” she said. 

Her voice sounded logical and detached as she focused her attention on the task at hand.  Elizabeth hated flower arranging as she found the aroma cloying when rooms were overly saturated with them.  But she knew it was a chore that was expected as mistress of the house.  Clipping the excess greenery from the hydrangeas, Elizabeth placed them into the vase, making it look like she cared what they looked like.  Suddenly she felt a hand on her lower back and tried not to cringe. For a brief moment, she had a flash of another touch, the memory of which brought the same response which surprised her. She assumed that going back to that night with Ross would summon up feelings of longing and want so that when he returned from his trip she’d want to repeat the experience.  But it didn’t.  If she felt anything it was simply annoyance.  Not only with George but with Ross to some degree.  Instead of being here, spending time with her, in her company he chose to go to meet an old business acquaintance.  On top of that, tonight was the Bodrugan ball and she was stuck at home with her old aunt and her son.  Elizabeth expected things to be more pleasant once Ross was living here but it seemed to be just as dreary and dire as before.  Hopefully, he would bring news home that would change the atmosphere around here.

“Explain it to me, Elizabeth.  How is Ross living at Trenwith going to help with your debt?  Logically marrying me would absolve you of anything Francis left at the time of his death.  I don’t understand how you can pass on that,” George presented. 

“That’s exactly it George.  Don’t you see that marrying you when I owe you so much including the roof over my head, would appear to some that I was doing so strictly for monetary reasons?  That would be unseemly and I don’t want us to start our marriage with that kind of gossip surrounding us.  It would make me feel better if I could come to you free of debt. Can you understand?” 

Elizabeth’s case made perfect sense but did not satisfy George.  He had wanted this woman since they were in school and now he was on the brink of having her.  He was not going to let Ross Poldark put a stop to that. The only part of Elizabeth’s argument that made sense was the part about the gossip. He saw her point about that and from his side, it could seem that he won her hand because he was her largest debtor.  It could appear that George didn’t gain her love just her gratitude.  And for his own reputation, he wanted Elizabeth to become his wife without anything to sully the reasoning.

“I see your point, my dear.  And I agree with you.  We should not start our marriage without a clean slate on all levels.  So I will give you this time to take care of your obligations and then we will be married.”

“Thank you, George,” she said.

“However, if in a month’s time the debt isn’t cleared you will either marry me or I will call in your loans and take the estate as I am entitled to do,” George said. 

He looked at Elizabeth and she saw he was very serious about this change in his proposal.  Not being able to come up with a rebuttal, she gently nodded her head and smiled.  George was satisfied that either way he’d win and ultimately would have the object of his affection.

“Thank you, my dear. You’ll see that in time all will work out for the best. And as it was meant to.  Now I must leave to get ready for the ball tonight,” he said as he kissed her hand.

“Wait!” she cried. “You’re going to the ball tonight? But why? George, we’ve just postponed our engagement. Aren’t you afraid people will ask questions if you arrived without me?” 

Elizabeth was put out by this development.  It seemed she was the only one not going to the party tonight and she was now getting angry. It wasn’t fair that Ross put these restrictions on her and yet, she knew it had to be done for things to work out in the long run.

“Elizabeth I have an obligation to attend. We Warleggans are always fighting to gain entry into society so appearances at occasions like this are vital to that end.  Believe me when I say I will be thinking of you the whole time.”

With that, he kissed her hand again and bowed before turning to leave.  Elizabeth watched him depart and sat down in the nearest chair fighting the temptation to throw the vase of flowers she had just arranged across the room.   Now she hoped Ross would return quickly because she was in need of some distraction from tonight’s event. Even his company would do.

****~~~~****

 

Ross’s trip to Truro and his meeting with Richard Tonkin brought about unexpected results.  Tonkin offered Ross a partnership in his new boat building venture as well as repayment of an old debt.  Both would help tremendously in not only his life and fortunes but in the pursuit of getting Trenwith out from under the Warleggan thumb.  He had stayed in town the night, noticing that it was unusually void of any members of his circle.  _Most likely because they were all at Werry House enjoying the hospitality of Sir Hugh_ _Bodrugan_ he thought.  Ross didn’t mind because it allowed him time to think some more about how he was going to handle this situation.  The last time he had spent the night at the Red Lion it was when he was there with Margaret, another impulsive act, again related to Elizabeth that fortunately ended amicably.

When he returned to Trenwith the next morning, he faced the wrath of Elizabeth for the first time.  He had never seen her angry so this side of his “ideal” love was an education. Elizabeth railed at him for not coming home the same night leaving her alone in the house when he knew she wanted to attend the party.  Ross apologized but when he tried to explain that his staying in town was beneficial to their situation, she didn’t want to hear it.  Agatha was witness to this display of Elizabeth’s displeasure and when the younger woman left the room gave Ross some insight.

“During the time that Elizabeth was married to your cousin she never allowed herself to confront him about his indiscretions because ladies just didn’t do that. Being left alone by Francis had become an almost nightly occurrence but with you, I think Elizabeth feels she’s entitled to dictate the terms of the arrangement because she is the one who has more to lose.  Do you see that?”

Agatha finished speaking and Ross did understand what she meant.  However, he still didn’t think she would turn into a harpy; in all the years he’s known her, he’s never once heard her raise her voice.  It was being caught unaware that he didn’t know how to handle.  Now that his aunt explained what Elizabeth’s mind was dealing with he would be better prepared in the future and hopefully try to avoid something like this again. 

“Thank you, Aunt.  I see now that I must adapt my ways to deal with Elizabeth.  Why are women so complicated?”

His question was genuine as it was clear he had no grasp on what they wanted or needed.  He thought he knew and acted on those instincts which, as has been proven, were wrong.  Agatha noticed for the first time that he was still in riding clothes.

“Are you going somewhere?” she asked.

“Yes. To Nampara.  I want to see Jeremy and tell Demelza about my meeting with Richard Tonkin,” he said as he straightened his stock.  It was not lost on the old woman that he was taking more care in his appearance than usual.

“Is that all?” she asked as she raised an eyebrow.

Ross turned to his aunt and saw her amused look.

“No.  I need to see Demelza.  I miss her, Aunt.  It’s only been a few days and seems like a lifetime.  When I was in Truro I remembered the first time I saw her. Thrown on the ground after being manhandled by those men over that dog fight with Garrick. She was dirty, barely clothed and had the bluest eyes I’d ever seen.  Even in that state, beaten and mistreated by her father, she had more life in her than anyone I’d met.  And she brought that life to me.”

His voice was getting emotional and his aunt saw that his little bud had left an imprint on his soul that time and distance would not erase.

“Ross if you truly feel this way you must tell Demelza.  You must make her see where your feelings lie. And they must be sincere and not just words you think she wants to hear.  I may never have married but I did have my fair share of suitors. And while none of them were up to my standards, that doesn’t mean they didn’t try. I could easily distinguish the fops from the genuine men. We women may like sweet talk, but honesty will win out every time,” she finished.

“I believe you’re right Aunt.  I’ll do my best,” Ross said as he planted a kiss on her cheek and left.

Agatha watched him ride off and hoped that he hadn’t broken his marriage so much as to not be able to repair it.  She walked back to her corner table and took out her tarot cards.

“Let’s see what the fates say today,” she said to herself.  And proceeded to deal them out.

****~~~~****

Demelza was in the parlor trying to mend the dress she wore to the party the other night while Jeremy played on the floor when she heard a horse near.  Glancing out the window she saw Ross tying Darkie to a post and coming towards the front door. She expected him to knock but instead, he just walked in as if he still belonged there. She continued sewing, not lifting her head when he came into the room.  He stood at the door waiting to be greeted when all of a sudden Jeremy cried out, “Papa!”

Ross crouched down as the boy stood on wobbly legs and ran to him.  Wrapping his arms around his tiny body, Ross lifted him up, closing his eyes as he held him tight.  He didn’t realize how much he missed this little one’s presence.  Demelza kept her head down but gazed up under lowered eyelashes to watch the husband and son reunion.

“Jeremy, my boy have you grown in just a few days?” Ross asked, his smile broad and his eyes shimmering with moisture. 

“Papa, Papa, Papa,” he kept chanting, as he pulled on Ross’s hair and giggled.

Ross ignored the discomfort and held tight to his son.  Gazing past Jeremy’s head he looked down at Demelza and wanted more than anything to bring her into this embrace.   He saw that she was looking at him, trying not to smile at the scene and felt a flicker of hope; he knew then that she didn’t hate him.

“I missed you, Jeremy.  Do you want to come with me for a ride?”

Demelza looked up then wondering what Ross was planning and why it took him a few days to appear.

“I thought we would have seen you sooner. Has Trenwith kept you busy?” she asked. The sarcasm was clear in her tone, but Ross refused to acknowledge it. 

“I have been busy trying to find a way to make things right, Demelza,” he said.

“I see. Well, your presence was missed at the Bodrugan party. Several people mentioned it, not the least of which was George.”

Ross was surprised that she mentioned the ball.  And how did she know what went on there?

“How do you know?” he asked.

“It was mentioned to me throughout the night,” she said.  Demelza watched Ross’s face as the reality of what she said sunk in.

“You went to the party?” he asked, clearly amazed that she would go to a function such as that without him.

“Yes.  I thought it was not the time for me to be sitting by the fire knitting, so I accepted Sir Hugh’s invitation.  I even spent the night.  It turned into quite an evening,” she said. 

Demelza stood and held up the dress she was working on to the light to examine the tear she had just mended. 

“Good as new.  You’d never be able to tell there was a rip in the sleeve, would you?”  She spoke only half to herself and half to Ross, to see if she got some kind of reaction from him.

“I haven’t seen that dress in ages. Is that what you wore to Bodrugan’s?”

Ross’s curiosity was piqued because he knew how that dress fit his wife and it was not exactly modest. 

“Yes.  I was glad it still fit since I hadn’t worn it since before Jeremy was born.  It was a little snug but everyone seemed to admire it,” she said. 

Usually, she was not a tease, but the opportunity to make Ross see that she was more than just a wife and mother appeared and she took it.

“I see,” he said his voice clipped.  He put Jeremy down and came to stand near Demelza, the scent of her hair wafting to his nostrils, tantalizing him.  If she looked and smelled like this that night, he could only imagine the effect she had on other men.

“How did you rip it Demelza?” 

He spoke as he touched the material, remembering how it clung to her body the one other time she wore it.  It was a dinner party that Verity had thrown to welcome Andrew back from the sea just after the trial. The dress had been in a trunk, long forgotten from the time he bought it for her at the same time he ordered the gown she wore to the Warleggan ball.  It seemed like a lifetime ago. When she put it on then, it looked like new and added to her beauty.  He could only imagine what she looked like the other night now that her body had filled giving her womanly curves that roused him even as she did chores. 

“If you must know I was dancing with someone---I can’t remember who---and the music got so lively that when I swung around, my arm got caught on my partner’s sleeve.”

She left the image out there for Ross to contemplate before she added this, “Oh yes. It was Captain McNeil.  I caught it on Malcolm’s brass button.”

“Malcolm?  Since when do you call him by his first name?”

Ross’s ire was rising as the conversation went on.

“Since he asked me to. Just as he asked to call me by my first name,” she replied.

“You let him call you ‘Demelza’?”  He asked.

“Well it is my name Ross and considering we were partnered up for most of the night, I thought it appropriate that we become more familiar with each other.”

Demelza took the dress and slowly folded it so she could put it back in the trunk. She knew Ross was staring at her, taking in all she said and she was inwardly pleased.  She wanted him to know what it was like to imagine a person you cared about being sought after and admired by others.

“I thought you came to take Jeremy riding. You should do that before it becomes too late and he needs a nap,” she suggested as she bent down to her son and gave him a kiss on the head.

Ross’s eyes never left her as she moved.  The curve of her hips and the waves of her hair presented themselves to him as she went to their son.  He had never wanted anyone as much as he did his wife in that moment. And yet he knew he had no right to her. Not yet.  He silently vowed to earn that back as soon as possible.

“Come Jeremy. Go with Papa and see what kind of adventure he takes you on,” she said as she handed the boy back to his father.

“We won’t be long.  I thought to maybe take him to the beach.  Would that be alright?” he asked.

Demelza was surprised Ross was seeking permission on how to spend the day with their son.  Perhaps that was because their interaction was few and far between except for scant kisses and chatter at meals.  She couldn’t recall a time when Ross just took Jeremy to play.

“That would be fine. I’m sure he’d love it.  He’s fascinated with animals so be careful he doesn’t try and chase a bird.”

“Is he? Well then we shall go and see what we can find, won’t we Jeremy?  Perhaps we can find a shell for Mama to add to her collection,” Ross said, again his gaze never leaving his wife’s face.

Demelza smiled and after giving a kiss to Jeremy and seeing the longing in Ross’s face, sent them on their way.  She watched through the window as they rode off and then dropped into a chair, tired of the act she just put on.  Outwardly she gave Ross a show of nonchalance and enjoying the life of a semi-attached woman.  But inside she was still very much a married woman, bound to her husband, no matter how imperfect as he was.  She leaned back in the chair closed her eyes and tried to rid herself of a headache that had started when she heard Prudie in the entry way speaking to someone.

_Now, what could that be?_ Demelza wondered.

****~~~~****

“Jeremy! Come here!” 

His son was running on the shore doing exactly what his wife warned him of chasing gulls as they swooped down to grab minnows from the low tide.  Ross ran after him, trying to gain traction while wearing boots and when he came upon him, swung him into his arms and spun him around. The boy giggled so hard that Ross thought he would make himself sick.  After a few turns, he carried him back to the rock where they had started and sat down.  Ross had found a few shells he thought Demelza would find interesting and showed them to his son.

“I think Mama will like this one, Jeremy, don’t you?” 

He turned it over in his hand to show the boy the pink hue inside the scalloped shell.

“Mama like,” the boy repeated.

“I hope so.”

They were focused on the mollusk so they didn’t hear when another set of footsteps neared.

“Ross? What are you doing here in the middle of the day? And with Jeremy? Is Demelza alright?”

Ross looked up at his friend Dwight and again wondered why there was such interest in his wife.

“She’s fine.  I just thought Jeremy and I would give her a little time alone. Besides, we men need some time together as well don’t we, Jeremy?”

Dwight could tell something was off with his friend.  He’d never known Ross to take a day off from work, no matter what the circumstance.  Now Dwight wondered if the rumors he’d heard on his rounds were true: that Ross had left Nampara and Demelza to move to Trenwith. And Elizabeth.  He was sure if his friend was contemplating something so reckless and stupid he would have spoken to him. 

“Is everything alright, Ross?  You don’t seem to be yourself,” Dwight offered hoping to open up a dialogue between them.

“Yes. And no,” Ross responded, his attention still on Jeremy.

“Do you want to talk?  Can you take supper later or do you have other plans?”

Dwight was trying to open up the conversation to see if Ross would tell him the truth.

“Actually, I could use some conversation.  Can I stop by after I take Jeremy back home?” 

Ross sounded anxious to share what he was going through and Dwight could tell he needed a friend.

“Certainly.  I’m on my way home now so anytime you can make it will be fine.”

Ross looked up at his friend.

“Thank you, Dwight.”

“Don’t mention it.”  Dwight dropped down to Jeremy and ruffling his hair said, “Take care of your Papa, ok?”

Jeremy smiled and shook his head to get Dwight to let go.  Dwight stood and tipping his hat to both of them, started walking away.

“I’ll see you shortly,” Ross called.

****~~~~****

Ross and Jeremy bounded into the house, the little boy running to find his mother. His father followed, exhausted from his ride home from Truro, his run in with Elizabeth and the fresh air of the beach.  He walked into the parlor hoping to sit a few minutes before riding over to Dwight’s when he caught sight of their dining table, filled with flowers, a fruit basket, a box of marzipan and other small packets, clearly gifts of some kind.  Walking over to them, Ross looked at the array of items and wondered who could have sent them and why.   He was about to pick up the smallest package to look at the gift tag but stopped when he saw Demelza out of the corner of his eye.

“Did you have a pleasant day?  Jeremy seems full of excitement,” she said and she walked to where he stood.

“Yes.  It was nice.  You were right about the animals.  We were almost the owners of a wayward gull, but luckily I convinced Jeremy that the bird was better off staying close to his family,” Ross said. 

The implications of his statement not lost on either of them.  Ross glanced at the table and Demelza saw where his line of vision went. She debated whether to offer up the information on what was there or wait until she was asked. She decided on the latter.

Ross walked around the table, his hand grazing the items, coming to stop on the fruit basket. 

“Someone has been generous. Where did all these come from Demelza?”

He tried to stay calm but something inside him churned with jealousy.  Ross knew that somehow these presents and his wife’s attendance at Werry house were connected.

“They’re gifts from friends. Admirers,” Demelza said as she opened up the packet that Ross was about to look at and took out a hair clip. She fingered it before putting it down when she heard Jeremy bellow from the kitchen.

“I should really put him down for his nap.  Don’t you have to go? Won’t Elizabeth be expecting you?”

“Demelza, I need to talk to you about that,” Ross said.

“I really am tired of talking about her Ross,” she started to say when Jeremy cried again. “I have to take care of our son.”

“Can I wait for you?  I really do need to tell you something,” he said. 

Demelza saw that he seemed to need to talk so she agreed.

“Fine.  Wait here and I’ll be back as soon as Jeremy is down, alright?”

“Thank you.”

Demelza left the room and gathering Jeremy in her arms took him up to bed.  Ross watched her leave and waited a few minutes before following her.  He walked up the steps quietly so she wouldn’t notice him, and came to stand outside his son’s room.  The door was ajar so he could hear his wife and son jabbering about the day and he smiled.  Demelza was an amazing mother and he was thankful that she was chosen to be the mother of his children.  He wondered briefly what Julia would have been like if she had lived. Would her hair have turned the same ginger color of his wife’s?  Would her blue eyes be as bright and as inquisitive as they were when she was a toddler?  Ross closed his eyes, a slow ache creeping through him when he heard his wife’s voice singing to Jeremy.

_When the moon is on the sea_

_Kosk yn ta, Kosk yn ta_

_Silver pilchards called to thee_

_Kosk yn, Kosk yn ta_

_Dream of starry gazey pie_

_Kosk yn, Kosk yn ta_

Peeking around the corner of the door, he saw Demelza soothing her son by brushing his head as she continued to hum to him.   The slow ache he felt now gained momentum and wrapped around his chest until he felt he couldn’t breathe.  He heard her move about the room.  Ross didn’t want her to find him lurking outside the door as if he were spying on her so he headed back downstairs to wait for her.  As he entered the parlor, he was again intrigued by the gifts and their givers. His curiosity got the better of him and he quickly looked at the cards with them.  He was not surprised that Hugh Bodrugan sent over something; he’d been chasing Demelza’s skirt since the Warleggan ball five years prior.  He saw the package the hair clip came in and caught part of the name on that which appeared to say, McNeil.  McNeil?  _That scoundrel in a red coat dared to send his wife a present_ Ross thought but again was not surprised as McNeil did not hide his admiration for Demelza on the occasions their paths crossed.  The marzipan was odd because Demelza didn’t usually like sweets.  He picked up the ceramic box and almost dropped it when he recognized the monogram on the top. It was embossed with a gold leaf ‘W’. 

“It couldn’t be,” he said softly.  Lifting the lid there was another card covering the confections. Ross put down the box and shakily picked up the paper, dreading what it would say. 

_Thank you for a most pleasant evening. Ross’s loss was certainly my gain. These are not as sweet as you but I hope you enjoy them.  G. Warleggan._

Ross’s eyes narrowed and once again he saw black at the mention of that man’s name.  And what was he referring to when he mentioned a ‘pleasant evening’?  He needed to know just exactly what his wife was up to at this party to elicit such presents.  He heard footsteps on the stairs and hastily put the box back together before stepping away from the table.  He took a seat on the settle near the fire as he tried to regain his composure. The thought of George Warleggan interacting with his wife when he was trying to keep him away from Elizabeth was too much to handle.  Demelza knew that the man was the bane of his existence so why would she socialize with him?  Ross was confused, bordering on irate, as the conjured up images of Demelza laughing and dancing with these men was slowly making him nauseous. Thoughts of her in that red dress, her alabaster skin revealed by the low-cut neckline, her face dazzling, drawing the attention of these predators was too much to bear.  He needed to know just how much she reciprocated to make them shower her with gifts. 

“Jeremy’s asleep.  You clearly wore him out, Ross.” 

Demelza entered the room brightly. She gave no sign that anything about her had changed and Ross was now getting angry.  Had she just paraded around that party, letting men fawn and paw her, not caring that she was married with a child?  He was about to say that when he stopped himself as he realized he’d done just about the same thing less than a week ago.  So what gave Ross the right to be upset with Demelza?  He didn’t have one except for that fact that he simply didn’t like it.

“He’s going to sleep for awhile Ross. You should go,” Demelza said.

Ross got the impression she was trying to get him to leave.  She was hiding something and he wanted to know what it was.

“These are some lovely gifts Demelza.  How did you come by them?”

He kept his tone even, fighting the urge to grab her by her arm and ask her what she’d done.

“They were sent to me, how do you think? They’re tokens, Ross.  Nothing more,” she explained.  

Demelza bent to smell the flowers again, smiling as she pulled away from the bouquet.

“Tokens?  Or recompense for something else?  Perhaps you provided more than company at the Bodrugan party?”

Demelza turned to look at him, trying to determine his meaning.  Was he seriously implying that she had done something that would prompt men to give her gifts?  She hoped she was wrong and ignored his comment for the moment.

“I met a friend of yours at the party last night Ross,” she said as she took a seat at the table, her fingers playing with ribbons that wrapped the hairclip.

“Only one? From the cache on the table it appears you met many friends, Demelza,” he said his voice tinged with bitterness.

“True. This one, of course, was pointed out to have had a special relationship with you. George introduced us. Margaret Vosper?  Do you remember her?” 

Demelza turned her head to look at him, searching his face for recognition.

“Yes, I do.  And I’m not surprised George was involved in your meeting.  He was quite taken with her at one time.”

“As she was with you from what I gathered.  Is it true that she wanted to marry you?  From what she hinted at last night you were quite the rogue in those days.  I’m surprised I never noticed.  You didn’t seem to spend much time away from Nampara,” Demelza said.

“That’s because one time with Margaret was enough. It wasn’t what I needed.  Or wanted. I eventually found that in someone else,” he said looking directly at her.

She was surprised at his statement considering the route the conversation had taken up until that point.

“Well then, I was wondering after talking with so many of your acquaintances last night if possibly this current situation was your way of reclaiming that title.  Are you longing to be a rogue again Ross?”

She didn’t mean to sound so harsh but his hinting that she had been unfaithful was too much.

“Not at all, Demelza. You should know that,” he said. 

He was becoming impatient with this conversation and truly wanted to know how she behaved last night.  He rose and walked to where she sat at the table.

“Should I?  It was strange seeing George there knowing that his fiancée was home, with you.  I was tempted to tell him the truth but thought better of it.  What would it have accomplished?”

“Thank you for that.  You’re right. It would have accomplished nothing.  But perhaps you gave George something else for him to lavish such a gift on you.”

“It’s marzipan, Ross. Not jewels.” 

“Yes. But these are all gifts that admirers usually give a woman who has offered them something in return.  Perhaps meeting Margaret opened up the door for you to engage in something other than dancing and chatter. I’ve seen you in a room of men before, Demelza. I know the kind of power you have over them without even trying. Maybe you felt the need to use that power in light of our troubles,” he said. 

Ross didn’t realize what had just come out of his mouth as Demelza rose to face him. Without warning, she raised her hand and slapped him. The sound of the impact echoing in the room as it bounced off the walls.

“Get out,” she said through clenched teeth.

“Demelza, I…” he started to say.

“Say nothing Ross, just get out.  Now!” she cried. 

Demelza felt herself shaking, as the fury in her rose quickly and her hand itched to strike another blow.

Ross saw her demeanor change and knew that he had just lost the opportunity to have the discussion he intended on having with her when he arrived earlier.  Once again, he had reacted before thinking and any progress he might have made earlier in the day had now gone to ash.  Why did he keep doing this?  What made him act this way when it came to relationships?  Especially with the person he loved the most.

“I’m sorry Demelza, I didn’t mean anything,” he said quietly. 

She turned away from him once again not wanting to look at his face but also not wanting him to see her on the verge of tears.

“I’ll go now but I hope to see Jeremy tomorrow if that is alright with you,” Ross asked.

“Fine,” Demelza replied.

As he walked past the table he reached into his pocket, pulled out the shell he and Jeremy had found on the beach and placed it down.  With a quick glance back at his wife, Ross left hoping that he had another chance to make things right.   Demelza watched him go and moved to see what he had left behind.  She picked up the delicate seashell and brought it to her face, inhaling the scent of sea and air.  Of all the gifts on the table, this one was the most precious. 

Ross stepped outside, his gaze cast down on the ground which is why he didn’t see the person coming towards him.

“Captain Poldark!” 

Looking up at the sound of his name, Ross came face to face with one of Demelza’s admirers.

“Captain McNeil,” he said as the officer held his hand out in greeting.

Ross took it reluctantly; curious as to why this man was at his home this time.

“We missed you at the Bodrugan party the other night but your charming wife was a delightful companion,” the redcoat said.

“So I hear,” Ross said his voice even. “What are you doing here, Captain McNeil?  Policing the area again?”

“Actually your lovely wife invited me to tea,” the soldier said.

“Tea?”

Ross was surprised that Demelza was entertaining this wolf in soldiers clothing. He thought she knew better as she told him once before.  So was she now taken with his dazzling smile and tasteless mustache?

“Not joining us Captain?” McNeil asked.

“I have business elsewhere,” Ross said, walking past the man towards Darkie.

“What a shame,” he said.  “I’d hoped we could have caught up.”

Ross mounted his horse but didn’t ride off right away.

“Some other time Captain,” he said as he watched McNeil approach the door and knock.  It opened and he saw Demelza, now wearing her most radiant smile, welcoming the dandy into his home.  She caught Ross’s eye as she held the door open for her guest and without a word shut it.

Ross started on the path to Dwight, more determined than ever to right this wrong he created and he would do so no matter what.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter flowed out of the previous one which is why it happened so fast. 
> 
> Thank you as always for reading and commenting. It's greatly appreciated and taken very much to heart.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of rum....Ross gets a little intoxicated, Dwight plays matchmaker and Prudie gives the Cap'n a telling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for Prudie's dialogue...I'm still feeling my way through her speech patterns. Hope the chapter length makes up for any errors or ommissions.
> 
> As always, I own nothing except the ideas.....

Ross left Nampara and guided Darkie over the ridge towards the beach to Dwight’s cottage.  He took his time because he needed to decipher what had just happened between him and Demelza as well what he’d said and seen.  While he was trying to be a hero for Elizabeth because he thought that was what expected of him, his wife, whom he had neglected and abandoned in pursuit of this endeavor, had found that she didn’t need him.  In just a few days, Demelza had gone to a party unescorted, gained the attention and it appeared, the respect of several men of the county, including his enemy,  the person who was reason he’d moved into Trenwith, to begin with. 

George Warleggan, of all people, it appears, was taken with Demelza. So much so that he sent her a gift.   _What did he mean by that?_ Ross wondered. _Was George sincere in his attentions or was he just toying with Demelza as another means of getting back at him?_ Whatever it was, Ross didn’t like it.  Nor did he like the knowledge that other men had also taken a fancy to Demelza.  He was used to Hugh Bodrugan chasing Demelza’s skirts as he’d done so from the first time he’d met her.  It was actually McNeil’s presence that set his blood boiling. The reason was simple enough: of all three of those men, Malcolm McNeil was the only one he could see Demelza being even remotely attracted to.  Hadn’t he thrown that at her once? In those days after the trial, when their finances were in dire straits and he struggled to keep her from worrying, didn’t he practically accuse her of being susceptible to his uniform and charms?  At that time she hadn’t taken kindly to his comments and stormed off.  Not that he could blame her. Nor  did he realize that she was carrying Jeremy at the time and that part of her sensitivity was due not only to her physical condition but also his blatant disregard for her and her feelings. Not to mention the fact that he had told her he didn’t wish for any more children.  Ross realized now how much his impulsive comments affected his wife and that his self-centered attitude overshadowed all Demelza put up with.  He really was arrogant. 

Maneuvering Darkie down the path, Ross cringed as he remembered his heartless comment to Demelza during this most recent disagreement whereby he compared his wife to the town whore.  _Brilliant move there Poldark_ he thought.  _What the hell was he thinking?_ How could he even put those two women in the same category or thought?  His night with Margaret was a one-time encounter that upon completion, was not needed or wanted again.  After that, he put his focus on his mine and the redhead he’d saved from the streets who had grown into his life without his even noticing.  Now that same red head was on the brink of removing herself from this life and Ross was at a loss as to how to prevent that.  He felt her slipping away as he spoke to her earlier, the slap she gave him being the first real step in that happening. 

Looking down from his perch on the cliff, he saw Dwight’s cottage and decided to walk the rest of the way. Dismounting, he led his horse down the path to the edge of the shore where the simple cottage sat.  Trooping through the sea grass, Ross continued to go over all that had happened in this one day and the common denominator in everything was this: he was an idiot. He was shaking his head at that thought when he heard another set of footsteps coming closer.

“Ross!” Dwight called as he approached.

Ross turned towards the voice, walking towards his friend.  Coming face to face, the men shook hands and proceeded to lead their horses back to the house.  Tying both to the post outside, Dwight opened the door and led Ross in.  The doctor noticed that his friend had not spoken since they met giving him the impression that something was bothering his longtime friend.  Dwight had heard rumors earlier in the day but could not believe they were true.  It was one of the reasons he asked Ross to join him; so that he could get to the bottom of whatever was going on with him and perhaps offer assistance.

“Give me a minute to put my things down and then I’ll get supper. There are rum and port over on the counter; please help yourself,” Dwight said as he left the room to get settled.

Putting his own hat and gloves on the table, Ross walked to where the liquor was and did as Dwight offered, pouring himself an ample draught of rum.  He gulped it down in one swallow and then poured another, walking to take a seat at the table to wait for his friend.  Ross hung his head, closing his eyes as if trying to block out everything that had transpired over the past week, failing miserably.  Every word and action came flooding back, bringing with them hurt and disappointment.  He wasn’t one to talk about his feeling or problems but on this occasion Ross needed someone to act as a sounding board for what he was going through.  It was then that he realized Demelza had been this for past ten years and the ache of her absence returned.

Dwight came down the stairs and saw his friend looking more forlorn than he could remember.  Even during the war, when Ross was wounded and fighting for his life, he still had the spirit and will to overcome the obstacles.  Now, as he saw him sitting at the table, head downcast and body hunched in resignation, Dwight felt his friend had lost that will to fight. He wondered what could possibly have affected Ross in this way and the only thing he could think of was that whatever it was revolved around Demelza. There was nothing else in Ross’s life that meant as much to him or that he relied on more.  Dwight knew this but he wondered if Ross did.  It seemed it was going to be up to him to help the captain see the light.  He only hoped it wasn’t too late and that he would listen. 

“I see you’ve made yourself at home, Ross.  Can you pour me one?” he asked.

Ross looked up from where he sat and silently moved to get his friend a drink.  His gestures were mechanical and he never diverted his focus from what he was doing.  Pouring one for Dwight and another for himself he carried them back to the table resuming his position on the bench.  He lifted the mug and took a deep swill, letting the liquid burn his throat.  He was his third drink in and still felt nothing.  His mind was still clear; his body was absorbing the alcohol with little effort. Ross had hoped that the more he drank the more he could numb the thoughts and feelings that brought him to this place.  Dwight joined him at the table, laying plates of ham, cheese, and bread.  Ross seemed disinterested in food and took nothing.  The doctor waited a few minutes and when nothing came from his guest he decided to just ask the question.

“Ross, what’s going on with you? And what is that mark on your cheek?” Dwight had finally noticed what appeared to be some sort of bruise on his face.

Finally, Ross acknowledged Dwight’s presence and tried to plaster a feeble smile on his face. 

“Is it that noticeable?” Ross said.

“A little,” Dwight said.

“I said something to offend Demelza and she slapped me.  I fully deserved it though.”

“I’m sure you did,” Dwight said trying to lighten the mood.  He saw it fell on deaf ears as Ross seemed to ignore his comment.  Since humor didn’t appear to be the right approach, Dwight decided that being forthright was the route to take.

“So it’s true that things are not alright at home?  Has something happened between you and Demelza?”

There, it was out. Dwight waited for Ross to respond with some flippant comment but got a nothing.  Instead Ross looked at him with tears in his eyes.  The last time Dwight had seen him like this was when the county was hit with the putrid throat; during that dark period, Ross was scared beyond measure at the prospect of losing Demelza after the death of Julia.  Whatever had passed it must be something as devastating as those events to have broken something in his friend.

“Ross, what is it?”

“Dwight, I really mucked up this time.  I might have lost everything,” he said his voice cracking.

The doctor could see that his friend was tormented and in need of some sort of guidance.  He might as well ask the question that had been circulating around the county so that they could start a real dialogue.

“Ross, does this have to do with Elizabeth?  Is it true that you have moved to Trenwith to be with her and have left Demelza and Jeremy?”

Ross’s head shot up and his eyes widened.  It was the first time his action was put in those words, which when heard out loud, did not sound as noble as he had played them in his head.  For in truth, that is what he did.  He left his wife and child in an attempt to save an old ideal, which, as he was quickly finding out, was a misplaced mission.

“Why do you ask?”  Ross was nervous now and wondered just what was being said.

“It’s just that when I was in the village I heard some people talking and all your names were mentioned together.  So tell me. What has Elizabeth to do with this trouble between you and Demelza?”

Knowing he couldn’t lie to Dwight and honestly not wanting to, Ross spoke.

“I’ve done something that I’m not sure Demelza will forgive me for.  As a matter of fact, I’m not even sure I will be able to forgive myself.”

Ross paused as he looked at Dwight who gave no indication that he knew what Ross was talking about. 

“I did something so reckless and impulsive I still can’t believe it happened.  I slept with Elizabeth.”  Ross downed the rest of the rum that was in his mug and immediately went to pour another.  Dwight could do nothing but stare.  Did he just hear his best friend confess to being unfaithful with his cousin’s widow?

“Ross, what….I don’t understand.  How?  Why would you do such a thing? Do you still love her?”

Dwight was genuinely confused as to how Ross could betray Demelza like that. Did he not see how lucky he was to have that woman in his life?  Or did he finally fall to the charms of his cousin in law who had clearly been working at breaking his resolve since her husband’s death and even before?  Was Ross still so taken with Elizabeth Poldark that he would succumb to such an out of character act?

Ross turned from where he stood with the rum bottle and looked Dwight in the eye.

“Honestly, I thought I did still have feelings for her. After Francis died, when Elizabeth seemed to need me so much, I took that as some form of love.  On these recent visits to Trenwith to discuss the estate, I was transported back to when we were young and there was no one but us to consider.  I can’t explain it and I won’t try to excuse it.  It was foolish and childish. “

“So you’ve only had these thoughts since Francis died and not before?”  Dwight nibbled at a piece of cheese and observed his friend’s reaction to his question.

“What do you mean?  Elizabeth was married to my cousin and best friend. Why would I ever think such a thing?”

Ross clearly didn’t understand why Dwight would bring up something like this and Dwight was surprised that Ross was so oblivious to what everyone else had seen.

“Because your cousin in law has been less than subtle in her flirtations the past year.  And if I’ve noticed it, don’t you think Demelza has as well? Not to mention the rest of the county?”

“Dwight, you’re talking in riddles.  How has Elizabeth done anything flirtatious?” 

Moving back to the table, Ross swung his legs over the bench, leaned his elbows on the surface and waited for an explanation.   He couldn’t imagine what Dwight was referring to.  Dwight, for his part, was surprised that Ross could not recognize the advances of a woman, especially one he had known for so long.   Unless of course, he had such a rose-colored vision of the person that he could never see them being as forward as Elizabeth has been.

“My friend, have you really not noticed?  You did see that she came to the trial, didn’t you?”

Ross had to think a moment because the only person he remembered seeing at the trial was Demelza.  The sight of her in the gallery, her russet skirt catching his eye, her face full of worry and love was what had him almost compromising his principles.  He never took notice of Elizabeth at all. Why would she have come?

“I had no idea she was there.  Did she come with Francis?  Or George?” he asked.

“I don’t know truthfully.  Francis was there the day before and shared a room with me.  Elizabeth seemed to show up the day of the trial.”

“Why didn’t she tell me?  Or Demelza?”

“Perhaps she knew she really didn’t belong there since Demelza was with you,” Dwight said.

“But that was one incident, Dwight. For all intents and purposes she could have been there for Francis,” Ross countered.

“Perhaps.  However, how do you explain her asking about you at every opportunity?  Or her extending that invitation for the harvest festival?” 

Dwight stopped eating to take a drink.  He could see Ross running everything he mentioned through his mind as if trying to process the possibility of it being true.  From the look on his face, it was clear the light was beginning to shine.  Ross rolled the mug in his hand, watching the liquid inside swirl around the sides as a realization seemed to come to his face.

“I’ll admit that at the harvest, Elizabeth and I did have a conversation that straddled the lines of propriety.  When I first saw her that day, she reminded me of the girl I left behind,” he said, a tone of wistfulness in his voice.

“And Demelza?  How do you think she felt?”

“What do you mean?”

“Ross, you must know that Demelza is extremely observant. I’m sure it didn’t escape her notice to see that your eyes never left Elizabeth that day.  And you barely had a glance for her.  Is it true you didn’t know she left when Prudie came?”

“How did you know about that?”

“Ross, again, this is a small area. Word gets around.  And if you must know, Demelza told me.”

Now Ross was shocked.

“Demelza said something to you? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“She asked me not to Ross.  I think she needed a confidante that was not related to a Poldark,” he said.  “She was quite upset about that because of her condition.  She had been trying to tell you about it since the trial but because you made it clear you didn’t want another child she….”

“Stop right there.  I know what Demelza did. She kept it to herself until that night of the harvest.”

“Yes.”

Ross nodded in agreement.

“I felt terrible about that. Even more so because that behavior you mentioned between me and Elizabeth almost crossed a line.”

Ross saw Dwight’s face and spoke quickly to reassure him that nothing had happened.

“It was just talk but at one point I was almost drawn to kiss her.  It was as if time rewound and we were teenagers again. I know it was wrong and as it turned out, it was Elizabeth who sent me to find Demelza. But something about the situation took a hold of me and pushed me to that limit.”

The explanation was sincere but didn’t make it any better. Dwight kept eating slowly and held up the plate of food to Ross, who waved it away.

“I see. So everything Demelza has been feeling about Elizabeth, that she seemed to want more from you than just friendship was true. Wasn’t it?”

Ross shook his head and said, “I don’t know. Maybe.”

Dwight had more to say and since they were this far into the conversation, he went on.

“Ross, even Caroline noticed something.”

“Caroline?  When was this? What did she think she saw?”  He asked Dwight, anxious to know what this woman knew or thought she knew. 

From his few meetings with Caroline, Ross could tell she was clever and that nothing much got past her. So it wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility that Caroline, whom he had just met, would notice some sort of connection between him and Elizabeth.  Had he been careless and let something show that he shouldn’t have? Was his private life becoming fodder for town gossip?  Ross was in a bit of a panic now because if this was true, then Demelza must have also picked up something which would make what he did even more hurtful. It wouldn’t surprise him if Demelza thought that he had planned and wanted to be with Elizabeth as opposed to it being a rash act of selfishness.  

“From what she told me at Christmas, she thought that the problems you were having at the time were centered on Elizabeth. She mentioned that at the dinner party at Killewarren the year before, she saw Elizabeth engaged in a conversation with you that appeared less casual.  She also said it was obvious to Demelza as well,” Dwight said. 

Ross closed his eyes again and took a breath.  He remembered that conversation and the effect it had on him the rest of the night. Yet he didn’t think it worked against his relationship with Demelza; on the contrary, he felt more love for his wife that night than he had in a while.

“Damn it! What the hell is wrong with me?”  Ross got up from the table, almost upending it and headed for the rum bottle again.

“Ross,” Dwight started to say.

“No Dwight!  Don’t say anything. There is nothing you can say that can make any of this better! I knew that Elizabeth was being kinder than usual over the past year and I put it down to her finally coming to terms with our lives moving on and an attempt to rebuild our friendship.  I never saw it as anything more. At least not until that night at Killewarren.  That night she did seem to want some sort of confession from me that I still had feelings for her.  Then I looked down the table I saw Demelza and knew that I didn’t.  I couldn’t tell her what she wanted to hear.  Still, I’ve  been a fool and blind to other things that clearly, everyone else around me has seen!”

Ross was shouting now, his hand gripping the mug until it practically shook.  He glared at his friend, angry at himself.

“Actually Ross, I was going to agree with you.  You have been a fool,“ Dwight said, sitting back as he looked at his friend. 

He saw that Ross was racked with guilt but he still didn’t know how he ended up with Elizabeth to commit this betrayal.  Ross seemed to be sincere when he said he didn’t realize what Elizabeth was doing so what drove him to her that night?  He had to know.

“Ross I still don’t understand how this came to be.  You and Elizabeth?” Dwight asked.

Ross had calmed down but still stood away from Dwight as he spoke about that night. 

“It was because of George,” he started.  Dwight sat up and took notice. At first, he didn’t understand what George Warleggan could do to spur Ross like this and then he remembered. 

“George?  You mean his proposal?”

Ross looked up at him and said simply, “Yes.”

“Ross? What the hell has George proposing got to do with you going to Elizabeth?”

Now Dwight was the one who was incredulous.

“Don’t you see Dwight?  I couldn’t let her marry him!  It would be the biggest mistake in her life. George Warleggan has done everything in his power to ruin this family for as long as I can remember. To think that he would be living in Trenwith, with Elizabeth, was too much. That night, when she sent the note, I went mad.  There’s no other way to explain it.  Demelza tried to stop me but I wasn’t listening.  I rode over to Trenwith and like a madman broke into the house and confronted Elizabeth.”

He stopped and took another gulp of the rum.  Dwight watched him not speaking at all.  The story Ross was relating was unbelievable and honestly, he didn’t have much sympathy for his friend.  Nor did he think Elizabeth was totally the victim in this.  Dwight was thinking about all that had happened that same day; the mine collapsing resulting in many workers being injured and Ted dying.  Ross was at his lowest.  News of the mine disaster would have reached her so to think that she chose that day to let him know of her decision to marry George Warleggan seemed, at least to Dwight, as another calculated move by Elizabeth.  No matter that his life was in ruins and others had died, she wanted Ross to think of her first.  Dwight was thinking about this when he heard Ross continue.

“When I came face to face with her and asked why she would choose to marry Warleggan, she told me she loved George. She then asked me to give her some alternative.  Of course, I couldn’t.  I was almost bankrupt and had nothing for her.”

“So then why didn’t you leave Ross?  Why stay?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. Dwight, she looked at me in such a way that made me forget everything except the two of us in that room.  Something came over me when she said she loved George and I just lost my mind. In that moment there was no Demelza or Jeremy. There was only anger and frustration, perhaps even some hate.  I needed to make her see that she didn’t need George.”

“Who did you want her to need Ross?  You?”

Ross looked at him and replied.

“Yes.  I wanted her to need me.  That day I lost control of everything; the mine, my livelihood, my workers. Elizabeth marrying George would be one more thing I would lose; which would be my oldest friend to my worst enemy.  I needed to take back something and control it. At that moment it was her.  Our act was one of desperation for both of us. Trying to grasp something we never had and make it something we wanted.  For me, what I expected to find wasn’t there. I knew almost immediately, even before I left the next morning that I had made the biggest mistake of my life.”

Ross sat back down, his head in his hands, his voice full of emotion. 

“So you went back to Demelza?”

“Yes,” Ross said.  “The arrogant man in me was certain that my understanding and devoted wife would see that it was something that had to be done.”

“And instead she didn’t and gave you a black eye? I remember seeing that the next day.  I thought it was from the mine.  Little did I think that Demelza would have such a punch.”

“You underestimate her, Dwight,” Ross said.

“No, my friend.  I think it is _you_ who underestimate her.  She’s a remarkable woman who loves you beyond measure and would do anything for you.  In fact when she was in Bodmin…..” Dwight trailed off, catching himself before he spoke too much.

“Bodmin? What are you talking about?”

Ross forgot the original reason he was here to talk to Dwight and was now curious as to what his wife was up to while he was in jail.  He knew she came for the trial but had no idea she was there any other time.

“Nothing.  Tell me then, why did you return to Trenwith now if you wanted to make Demelza understand?  Don’t you think that showing such concern for the person who makes your wife doubt herself would wear away at her?  You’re outward care for Elizabeth and Geoffrey Charles over her and Jeremy cut her to the core, Ross.”

“I know that now, Dwight.  But let’s go back to what you said about Bodmin. What did Demelza do?”

Dwight realized he just opened up a whole other topic that Demelza didn’t want Ross to know about and yet, perhaps his friend should know the lengths to which his wife would go to in an effort to save him.   He knew he had to approach the topic carefully because Ross’s pride would come into play and he’d turn the good that Demelza tried to accomplish something else.

“If you must know, she tried to get help for your case from Caroline’s uncle.  She also tried to talk to the judge to see what, if anything, could be done to present your case in a different light.”

As predicted, Ross burst with disapproving assessments.

“Why would she do that? What did she hope to accomplish? My god, she’s infuriating!” he blurted out.

“She thought she was doing you some good.  You should know that Demelza couldn’t just sit at home, waiting to hear if you’d been hanged or not,” Dwight said. 

He let that seep into Ross’s brain before adding the next bit of information.

“She even spoke to George.  Trying to find out why he hated you so and why he was so determined to ruin you.”

That statement surprised Ross even more.

“She did what?  Demelza spoke to George? What would make her do that?”

It was clear Ross’s mind was racing as to why his wife would act this way. He was about to say something else when Dwight spoke up.

“Demelza was desperate Ross. She was overcome with fear. Have you any idea what she must have been going through? She’d just lost her child. The possibility of you being found guilty was very real.  A certainty most thought. And she believed she was carrying another child. She needed to do anything to save you, her and your family.  I doubt she wanted to confront George but what choice did she have?”

Dwight stopped speaking and slowly sipped his drink while he let Ross think about all this.

Ross knew what Dwight told him was exactly how Demelza would act. She wouldn’t sit home waiting to become a widow.  Would he expect anything else from her? Of course, she would confront George or anyone else for that matter who she felt wronged them.  As he rationalized this, he calmed down and a sense of pride came over him where his wife was concerned. And it made him love her more.  Leave it to Demelza to fight for them, when he couldn’t.  Or more to the point wouldn’t.

Suddenly, Ross started laughing. Not a happy, joyful laugh but a harsh and bitter one.  Dwight looked over his mug at his friend and wondered if he had totally lost it.

“Ross?  What’s so funny?” Dwight asked.

“Oh, my friend. What’s funny is that George Warleggan, the man I’m sure tried to get me hanged and who I’ve now tried to stop from marrying an old friend, is now courting my wife,” Ross said, snorting between words.

 Finally, the guffaws died down and he poured yet another glass of rum. Dwight lost count as to how many drinks Ross had, but he didn’t care.  He did care about what Ross just revealed.

“George courting Demelza?  Ross, what are you talking about?”

“Dwight, that’s why I came here in the first place,” he said, his speech finally starting to slur.  “When I went to see and talk to Demelza earlier, she had received gifts from an array of admirers. Our neighbor, Sir Hugh Bodrugan; that Scottish wolf in a red coat, McNeil, and believe it or not, George Warleggan.  I can ignore the one from Bodrugan. He’s an old fool who's been nipping at her heels at every turn.  McNeil has been chasing her since they met but he seems to be even more determined to make a cuckold of me since Demelza went to Werry House. But George?  Why would he send her a gift? He could barely contain his contempt for her.  What could she have done to turn his head?” Ross said.  He was perplexed at this whole situation and seemed to want Dwight to give him an answer.

“Ross I can’t tell you what happened or didn’t happen at that party but I can tell you, knowing Demelza as I do, that I’m sure she did nothing inappropriate with those men or anyone else for that matter.  As you said, Sir Hugh has had an eye for her for ages and McNeil, well, what can you say that hasn’t been said already. As for George, perhaps he saw a different side to Demelza that night,” Dwight offered.

“That’s what I’m afraid of Dwight. What side did she show people?” 

Dwight could see his friend was getting more inebriated to the point that maybe they should end this conversation now before something was said that couldn’t be retracted.

“Ross! Do you honestly believe that Demelza would do anything more than be nice to these men?”

Ross looked at him sheepishly and knew the answer.

“No.  It’s just that I’m so lost Dwight. I thought I knew Demelza and today I saw someone I don’t seem to know at all and yet….”

“What?” Dwight asked.

“And yet, I saw the woman I love, but a woman who was also like a stranger that I wanted to get to know. This Demelza is even more fiery and feisty than the girl I married.  She intrigues me, Dwight.  She excites me.”

“Maybe she’s all that because you see her as other men do. Other men, who might not have noticed her before are now seriously paying attention.  Think about it, Ross.  For the longest time, didn’t you want or think you wanted Elizabeth because you couldn’t have her?  And you assumed Demelza would always be there for you. Well, now she may not be and so, you want her more.”

“You might be right.  We’ve been together for so long I just took for granted that things would go on the same forever. Even after my fall from grace, as she put it, I thought she’d come round in a few days. Instead, she’s finding interests elsewhere that don’t include me.”

“Yes. How does that feel?  Now that you have to wait around for her to decide if she wants you,” Dwight said.

“It hurts Dwight.  I love her. I want her back, desperately. I feel empty not being with her. But…” Ross halted what he was going to say.

“But what Ross?  There shouldn’t be any but. Fight for her.” Dwight was getting impatient with his wavering of emotions.

“There’s still the issue of George at Trenwith and his proposal to Elizabeth,” Ross said.

Dwight looked at his friend and wondered if the alcohol had finally saturated that brain of his.

“Ross?  Is your hate for George more important than your love for Demelza?”

Ross stared at his friend and was surprised that he was such a staunch supporter of Demelza.  Where did this come from? Had she always had the respect and admiration of the county? He considered Dwight’s question and knew the answer without hesitation.

“No Dwight.  It isn’t.  I know that now.  Demelza is the most important thing to me.  So what do I do?”

It sounded like a plea and Dwight couldn’t ignore it.

“Do you really want me to tell you?”

Pouring another drink, Ross nodded and tried to focus on his friend since his vision was become hazy.

“You need to put this nonsense with Elizabeth in perspective. You need to decide why that night really happened and then, you will be able to talk to Demelza. It has to be honest, Ross without drama or conceit.  You need to lay your feelings out for both Demelza and Elizabeth although I suspect you’ve done that already, haven’t you?  You’re just too afraid for the next move.”

Ross wasn’t sure what Dwight meant.  He loved Demelza that was certain so why would he be afraid.

“I don’t know what you mean?”

“Ross, if you go to Elizabeth and tell her you made a mistake, that you’re sorry for what happened because you love your wife, you will most likely lose a friend.  If you go to Demelza and beg for her forgiveness, asking for another chance, it’s very possible she will turn you away. So in reality, you could lose on both levels, couldn’t you?”

“I never thought of it that way. You’re right. So how do I  combat that?”

“You need to determine how you’re going to handle the Trenwith issue first.  In my opinion, let George and Elizabeth be.  Whatever happens, happens. You can still oversee Francis’ estate but from a distance.  Ross, you know if George wanted Elizabeth, whether you were there or not, he’d find a way to get her.”

“Yes, most likely, George would.  Since you’re being the wise doctor, if I do that, can you tell me Demelza will take me back?”

Dwight smirked at him and shook his head.

“That, my friend might not be so easy.  Ross, if I remember correctly, you never had to fight for Demelza’s hand or love, did you?”

“No. We just sort of fell into each other. After one night of….well, let’s just say I needed to do right by her but in the end, she took hold of my heart and kept it.”

“I see. So it came easily to you.  This time I think you might need to show Demelza what you’d show any other woman you were interested in,” Dwight said.

“You mean court her?”

Dwight was dumbfounded by his friend’s density.

“Yes, Ross. Court her.  Show her you love her with gestures and attention.  You might already be married but with your---indiscretion---you have to win her love all over again. Does this make sense?”

Ross was downing rum and Dwight could see him starting to sway.  Not wanting to find him passed out on the road back to Trenwith, he moved the bottle out of sight.

“How Dwight?  I’m not sure how to do that. You see I’ve never courted anyone I really cared about,” Ross admitted, his words slowly becoming indistinct.

“What about Elizabeth?”

“That was different. We were young. I wasn’t in a position to court her so to speak.  We just saw each other and…” he paused.

“And what?”

“ I think part of the attraction with Elizabeth was that by being interested in me, the black sheep of the Poldark family, it would upset her family.  You know me, always up for defying convention,” Ross admitted.

“That doesn’t sound like something to build a relationship on, does it?”

“No. You’re right. And as I’ve found out over the years, what I thought a relationship should be built on changed when I met Demelza,” he said softly.

Dwight saw that Ross was lost, and needed guidance. 

“Then remember that and rebuild it.  She loves you, Ross that I’m sure of. I just don’t think she’s quite keen on your behavior of late,” he said.

“That’s putting it mildly Dwight.”  He looked around for the rum and not seeing asked for the bottle.

“I think you’ve had enough my friend,” Dwight said.

“Dwight, if I’m going to go to my wife and beg for her hand and then go back to Elizabeth and tell her I’m done with her and her games, I think a little more liquid courage is warranted.”

Dwight couldn't fight him but instead of letting him pour, he did it himself, giving Ross just enough to tide him over.  Ross saw what he was doing but let it slide. He had a new purpose bubbling inside him and he didn’t want to waste time. He would go back to Demelza tonight and start his own pursuit of her.

“Thank you,” he said as he downed the last drink. “And now I’m going to go home to my wife and whisper sweet nothings in her ear in the hopes that she will let me back.”

“Um Ross, don’t you want to wait until the morning when you have a clearer head?  You might want to let Demelza  cool down a little from your run in earlier today. You don’t need another slap to the head that I might not be able to fix it this time,” Dwight joked.

Ross stood, his stance a bit wobbly, but determined to start on this task.

“Perhaps, but I can’t waste any more time Dwight.”  He picked up his hat and gloves and made his way to the door. 

“Alright Ross, I hope you know what you’re doing,” Dwight said.

“Actually I haven’t a clue. But when has that stopped me.”

****~~~~****

He rode Darkie slowly back to Nampara.  His head was finally cloudy and his balance was a little off. Thankfully the horse knew the way home.  They reached the edge of the property and Ross got down, grasping the saddle to balance him before walking the rest of the way.  As he got closer to the house he saw that another horse was still there, tied up outside.  McNeil.  Ross moved stealthily through the gate to peer in the window and he couldn’t believe what he saw.  There at the spinet was his wife, a broad smile on her face while that mustached cad was standing behind her, his hand on her shoulder, holding a glass of port.  It was quite the domestic scene.  Ross’s footing was still shaky but his fists were working just fine.  He was ready to test them out too as he stomped around the back, so he could sneak in through the kitchen.  Ross entered the darkened room to find Prudie putting dishes away.

“Prudie!” Ross said his voice low.

“Judas!” she cried as she bobbled a cup and saucer. “Cap’n Ross? What are ‘ee doin’ ‘ere?”

“Never mind that. What is that soldier doing here?” Ross asked as he made his way towards the door in an attempt to see across the hall to the parlor.  The room was spinning, so he held on to whatever surface within grabbing distance as he cut through the room.  Prudie stood back and watched,  not quite sure what her master was doing.

“Cap’n are you alright?  You seem a bit off,” she said, coming up beside him.

She immediately recognized the condition having seen it in Jud as well as suffering with it herself on occasion.  Plus there was the overwhelming smell of rum coming from her master.

“I’m fine Prudie.  Have you got the rum here?” he asked as he came back to the table, his body leaning to one side as if he were on a boat in choppy waters.

“Yes, Cap’n but I think ‘ee might need something else. ‘ave ‘ee eaten?” 

Ross dropped onto the bench and held his head in his hands.  A slow throbbing had started and he was beginning to feel nauseous.  He didn’t know if it was the rum or the sight of his wife being wooed by his former comrade in arms.

“No I haven’t but I don’t have much of a stomach for food.  Not since I saw…” he couldn’t say it.

“Oh, the mistress with her visitor?”  Prudie said casually.  She was beginning to get the picture.

“Yes,” he said.  Ross fought the urge to vomit as he continued to question his servant. “What has been going on here, Prudie?  Tell me!” he insisted.

The servant stepped around the table to sit opposite him. 

“Why should I?  T’aint none of your business now.  Now you be gone and moved in on the other Mistress Poldark!” Prudie said,  the disgust clear in her voice.

Ross wanted to refute what she said but had no argument and no strength to do so. All he did know was that he wanted to go into the other room and punch McNeil for getting this close to his wife.  This wouldn’t have happened if he himself didn’t get that close to his cousin in law.   The rum had definitely hit Ross because his head felt heavy and the desire to lie down was coming over him. He couldn’t falter now because he had to speak to Demelza so he pushed himself up to stand and move away from the table. It took a moment for Ross to get his bearings again as he closed his eyes to stop the room from spinning.  Prudie watched as he tried to make his way back to the door and rose to stop him.

“Cap’n you can’t go in there now! It will only upset the mistress,” Prudie said.  She tried to keep her voice down so that Demelza and Captain McNeil didn’t hear anything.

“I have every right to go into any room of my house,” he said, his words coming out slowly as if he had to think about them.

“Yes, Cap’n you do.  If you were sober. But not like this. Do you think the mistress wants to see you drunk as a sot especially seein’ as her father were one and beat her when he was in this condition?”

Ross pulled back to look at her, his eyes trying to focus on her face so that he only saw one of her.  Her statement was true.  Going to speak to Demelza while he was drunk would accomplish nothing and if anything would just add to the anger she had towards him.

“Prudie I can’t let her be taken in by that, that…..! I need to know she’s not serious about him,” he cried.

“Cap’n if you think the mistress has any feelings for that dandy, and then you don’t know her at all. I’ve been here the whole night and I can tell you that as much as he’s tried, she’s not let him. She’s been polite but nothing more.  As a matter of fact, she told me to come in and tell her there was a problem with Master Jeremy if he didn’t leave soon. I was about to do that when you turned up,” Prudie explained.

Hearing this eased Ross’s mind a bit but he still wanted to talk to Demelza.  If Prudie got McNeil to leave maybe he could have some time with his wife.  He straightened up thinking this was a good idea.

“Prudie let me know when he’s gone and then I can go and talk to Demelza,” he said, trying extremely hard to sound serious.

“No Cap’n,” she replied.

“What?  I’ve given you an order and I expect you to carry it out,” he said.

“Not this time Cap’n. I think you should leave.  And come back when your head is clear,” she said firmly.

“Prudie!”

“You can yell at me all ye like but I know this to be true.  Go.  And come back tomorrow. I’ll tell the mistress you came back but since she had company, didn’t stay.  It’s for the best Cap’n.  If you want to make this right, listen to me.”

She put her hand on his arm and he looked down at her. It was the first time she’d touch him as servants didn’t do that to masters. However, this was different; Prudie practically raised him after his mother died and the gesture was more motherly than defiant.  

“I can’t leave knowing that that man is still in my house.  Let me stay here and as soon as I’ve seen that he’s gone, I’ll go too, “he said. Ross sounded like a little boy trying to get an extra dessert.

Prudie looked at him; his hair and face were a mess and eyes were slowly becoming bloodshot. She saw that he wasn’t going anywhere unless she agreed to this so she nodded in agreement.

“Stay here,” she ordered.  “And for Judas’ sake, have some tea and try to sober up!”

She then went into the parlor and delivered the message about Jeremy.  Ross clung to the door, straining to listen but only heard muffled voices.  He was losing patience and consciousness but was still tempted to burst into the scene himself when he heard a slam and a horse ride off.  Backing away from the door, he heard footsteps making their way towards him and he watched as the door opened.

“He’s gone,” Prudie said, slightly breathless. “Now it’s your turn. Go! For now.”

“I don’t like this Prudie.  I don’t like Demelza having male friends.”  He sounded defeated, something the older woman hadn’t seen in her master for a long time.

“Well maybe you should have thought about that before you spent the night at Trenwith with your female friend,” she scolded.

Ross’s face turned red knowing that his servants knew of his folly as well.

“There’s nothing I can do about that now, Prudie,” he said shamefully.

“No, but you can make sure it don’t happen again. Stop thinking about yourself and that other woman and start thinking about the mistress and your child.  ‘Tis is the only way she’ll consider taking you back again.”

“You’re right.  I just want her back, Prudie. I need her.”

“I know Cap’n.  And I believe she wants that too. Just not so fast.”

“That’s what Dr. Enys said too.”  His body pitched and he fought to stand up. “I think I better go but I will be back tomorrow. Mark my word.” 

Ross turned to leave but before exiting said one more thing to Prudie.

“If George Warleggan comes sniffing around here, let me know immediately.  He is one person I will not stand aside for. Is that clear?”  Ross was suddenly sober at that thought.

“No worries there Cap’n.  I don’t think the mistress will give him the time of day,” she said as she pushed him out.

Ross walked across the yard, trying to remember where he left his horse when he saw it in its stall. He knew he didn’t bring her there so how did that happen?

“Next time you should really tie Darkie up, Ross. She could have run off and gotten hurt,” the voice said. 

Demelza walked from the other side of the stall and stood with her arms crossed staring him down.

“Demelza, I…”

“Never mind Ross. I don’t know what you’re doing back here but you really should go. Elizabeth will be wondering where you are and I’m exhausted from the day,” she said.

He reached the stall.  He guided her out and mounting his horse, started out of the yard .  Demelza walked back towards the house but before she was out of earshot Ross said, “I love you Demelza.”

She stopped at the sound but didn’t respond.  Straightening her back, she kept walking away.

Ross watched but was not disheartened.  Instead, he was resolute in winning his wife back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is started....no worries.  
> Thanks to all who are supporting me in all my writing as well as in the fandom. You are amazing.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ross drinks some more, gets a few more earfuls of advice from friends and family and tells Elizabeth exactly what he thinks and feels--FINALLY.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for Zacky's dialect/dialogue. My Cornish is weak so please forgive any oddities. Just picture Tristan Sturrock speaking my words.
> 
> Oh, and as I reminder, I don't own anything Poldark except some books, souvenirs, and my running wild imaginations. Characters and original plot are the property of Winston and Debbie.

Ross was on his way back to Trenwith but as he approached the gate he couldn’t bring himself to face Elizabeth just yet. He knew what he had to tell her was going to come as a shock, possibly even hurt but he couldn’t go on living this lie. He was miserable and Elizabeth couldn’t have been too happy either. The only one seeming to enjoy things as they stood was Demelza which is why he needed to end this nonsense and work on getting her back.   After talking with Dwight and seeing his wife enjoy the affections of Malcolm McNeil, it was clear to Ross what an idiot he truly was.  Demelza was slipping away. If he didn’t convince her that she was the only one he wanted, she’d be gone for good.  He had to make her see that she was where his heart lay and where he belonged.  Needing to gather his thoughts, he diverted his horse towards town, deciding to stop at the kiddly for one more shot before facing the inevitable.   Ross walked into the shabby shed and looked around for an empty spot to sit down amid the crowd.  He was about to leave when he heard someone call his name.

“Ross, what brings ‘ee here?”

It was Zacky Martin, long time Poldark mine worker as well as Ross’s father figure and family friend for as long as he could remember. 

“Zacky,” Ross said as he walked slowly towards where he sat with some others from the mine. Since the decision was made to reopen Wheal Grace, the air around town had lifted as hope returned.  Ross knew that because so many depended on him it was his responsibility to make this reboot to work.  This was another reason to put this folly with Elizabeth aside and focus on what was important.  Zacky ordered rum for Ross and another round for the table.

“We can’t thank ‘ee enough for opening the mine again Ross.  ‘Tis a good thing you’re doing by not giving up,” Zacky said as he took a drink.

Ross looked at him and got the impression Zacky was not just talking about the mine _.  What did his old friend know?_ he wondered.

“Perhaps I’m smart when it comes to mining but I’m not sure about everything else,” Ross said as he took a gulp.

Zacky moved closer to Ross, sliding away from the other men so he could speak to him privately. Ross gave a sideway glance at his friend and debated about what to say next.  As it turned out he didn’t have to say anything since Zacky spoke first.

“Ross, then ‘tis true you've gone and moved into Trenwith?” 

Ross slammed the mug on the table before motioning to the owner for another.

“Damn it! Does everyone know what’s going on with my life and are they all talking about it?”  His anger rose quickly but what bothered him more was that if the town was discussing him it meant they were also discussing Demelza. And Elizabeth.

Zacky peered at his friend over his mug of rum and wondered if he was really so oblivious. After growing up in this county, Ross should know that the actions of a Poldark were watched and talked about. This kind of behavior would be the sort of gossip that passed between servants as well as members of both the gentry and common folk.  Plus there was no secret about the drama that happened when he returned from the war to find his cousin betrothed to Elizabeth or the talk that sprung from his marriage to Demelza.  Ross Poldark would always be a topic of interest. 

“Ross, why are you surprised?  People do know you’ve been spending more time there than in the mine or your own home.”

Ross looked at him wondering if that was true.  Thinking back to what Dwight had said as well as Prudie, it must be true.   Zacky saw that he hit a nerve with that comment and felt sorry for his young friend. But Ross was not so young as to be naïve about how appearances are judged.

“Why Ross?  Why are ‘ee treading over ground that has been fallow for so long?  Mebbe you should pay mind to your own home.  I know Cap’n McNeil has been seen around Nampara lately.”

Now Ross was paying attention. How long was that soldier sniffing around Demelza?

“Heard tell he made advances to her at that ball a week since.”

He turned towards Zacky as his face changed from indifferent to anger.

“What did you say? How did you hear this? Who told you? What did he do?”

Zacky could not believe Ross’s gullibility on this subject.

“Ross ‘ee have to know that word gets around.  I don’t know exactly what happened but seems the Scotsman was quite taken with Demelza.”

“Yes, I heard.  As I saw with my own eye tonight,” Ross said taking another drink. “I’ve been a fool, Zacky.”

“That ‘ee have been Ross.  What do ‘ee intend to do about it?”

Ross looked at his friend and hesitated before speaking.  He was exhausted, his mind fuzzy from the emotions of the day as it mixed with the rum.  He didn’t relish having this same conversation with Zacky that he just had with Dwight and that he was about to have with Elizabeth.  Yet he didn’t want his friend to have a misconception of the situation.

“If you must know, I intend to right this wrong. Starting with the situation at Trenwith,” he said.  Then raising his voice a little more than necessary said, “And you can tell anyone else who’s interested in the true and sensational life of Captain Ross Poldark the same thing.”

Standing up, Ross downed the last of his drink, patted his friend on the back and headed out to make good on his promise.

****~~~~****

The house was dark as Ross reached the courtyard of Trenwith.  Considering the hour he was not surprised and in some perverse way, he was glad.  It put off the inevitable confrontation with Elizabeth for just a little longer.  He went to the front door and tried it hoping it was left open so he wouldn’t have to knock or worse, enter the way he did the night of his idiocy.  Luckily the latch gave way and Ross entered the house as quietly as possible.  He stood in the entry and surveyed the great hall, looking up at the portraits of his family.  As he glanced from one relative to another, memories of the past and their influence in his life resurfaced.  It occurred to him that none of these Poldarks were free from controversy or gossips either.  In one way or another, each member of the family had some scandal attached to their name.  Perhaps it was time to break that cycle Ross thought.  While it was true marrying his kitchen maid was against all convention and set tongues wagging, in the years since Demelza and he had built a solid marriage; one that he knew was envied by many of his class, not the least of which was his cousin.

That thought brought him back to the present and the reason for returning to this house and his need to now leave it. Making his way up the stairs he entered the bedroom that he had occupied for the past few days and began gathering his things.  There was not much to fill the case as the bulk of his belongings were still at Nampara.   He had just about finished packing and was closing the case when the door opened and in walked Aunt Agatha.

“Ross? What are you doing?”

His aunt walked into the room slowly. She took a seat on the bed and waited for her nephew to answer.

“I’m leaving Aunt.  I cannot stay here if I hope to make amends with Demelza and get her back,” Ross said quietly but firmly. 

The old woman patted the space next to her, indicating that he should sit down.

“Well then. Are you sure my boy? This is the conclusion you’ve come to?” she asked.

“Yes.  Why? Do you think I’m making a mistake?”

Ross searched her face for an answer and prayed she wouldn’t contradict this decision.

“No.  I think the first night you came here was a mistake.  The second mistake was returning because you thought moving in would make any difference to the situation. But this, what you are doing now, this is not a mistake,” she replied.

Ross felt a sense of relief knowing his aunt approved of this.  He needed at least one Poldark on his side since it was clear the rest of his immediate circle thought him a fool to have let the situation get as far as it had.

“Thank you, Aunt,” he said as he kissed her hand.

“For what?”

“For helping me see the truth.  For giving me the strength to do the right thing,” he answered.

Agatha lifted her wrinkled hand to his cheek and smiled.

“My boy you always had the strength to do the right thing.  I dare say you knew at once what the right thing was.  It just took the fear of losing what was most precious to you to make you act.  You’re so much like your father.  He too almost lost what was most important to him. Lucky for him, he realized it before it had gotten too far so he was able to redeem himself with your mother.  Unfortunately, she was lost to him shortly after that, but not before she knew how much she truly meant to him.”

The old woman stopped speaking and took in the face of her nephew as he tried to understand what she was telling him.

“Aunt, are you saying my father betrayed my mother?  I thought he loved her and only took up with other women after she died.”

Ross was clearly confused at her revelation and expected an answer.  Agatha could see that he hadn’t known that the rumors about Joshua being a wastrel were not just about the time after his mother died but for a brief period at the beginning of their marriage. 

“My boy, you know your mother was younger than your father,” she stated.

“Yes.  Just as Demelza is younger than me, but what has that to do with his betraying her?”

“Right after he married your mother, your father, at the urging of Charles, continued to keep a mistress.  He thought that Grace being inexperienced would be difficult for your father so your uncle believed that Joshua should maintain his previous attachment for his own pleasure as well present the face of a typical country squire and a Poldark.”

“I’ve never once heard of this.  I thought he loved my mother. That’s what was always told to me and what I believed. Was that a lie?”

Agatha could see that this news shook Ross and what he believed about his parents. It also seemed to shake his foundation on what he believed about marriage, including his own.  She was going to have to make him see that this trait of his father was not inbred. However, there _was_ something of Joshua that was undeniably a part of Ross and that was his total and complete love for one woman.  While Joshua might have had women before and after Grace, it was she and she alone who held his heart until death.  Just as Demelza did for Ross.

“No my boy, that was not a lie.  Your father loved your mother endlessly, which was why he rid himself of his mistress soon after he married your mother despite Charles’ telling him it just wasn’t done.  Your mother, however, did find out about this woman and almost ended the marriage before it had a chance to begin. It was only after your father did a most uncharacteristic thing that she remained and they built a strong marriage.  This, as you know, lasted until they died.”

“You mean until my mother died,” Ross corrected her.

“No, my boy, I mean until your father died. Oh, he might have had taken up with women to ease his loneliness and common male needs, but he never loved again.  That was reserved for your mother. She was his one true and abiding love. Just as your little bud is yours,” she said simply.

Ross raised his head and peered at his aunt, his eyes struggling in the darkened room, but there was still enough candlelight to see that what she said was the truth.  Growing up he had heard stories of his father and his wayward ways but he also remembered his mother being completely happy around his father.  _So perhaps history is repeating itself_ he thought bitterly.  _Perhaps Elizabeth was my wastrel moment._

“So what are you saying Aunt?” he asked.

“I’m saying that I know you love your wife.  And you might know you love your wife but does she?”

“She should. I’ve told her several times.”

Agatha shook her head at this density.

“Just like your father. After all, you’ve put her through do you expect that just saying it will convince her?  Your mother was a clever woman. Just like Demelza.  She might have known your father loved her, but there was always a little lingering doubt.  In your father’s case, it was your father’s past life that she thought she had to compete with.  In your case it’s a much more present issue,” his aunt said.

“You mean Elizabeth?”

She looked at him incredulously and closed her eyes.

“Yes, Ross. Elizabeth.  I know you plan on leaving here but you don’t expect to go back to Nampara, do you?”

“I had thought to but know that it’s too soon.  I was going to ask Dwight if I could stay with him while I worked on getting Demelza back.   Funnily enough, he said almost the same thing to me earlier.”

“Did he now?  I always thought he was a bright young man.  And what advice he give you that you probably ignored?” she teased.

“Dwight suggested that I should court Demelza. Show her that I want her as a woman in her own right, not just because she was already my wife and should automatically take me back.  Truthfully Aunt, when I saw that other men had been paying attention to her, gifting her with tokens of their esteem, it not only stabbed at my heart but it made me realize how desirable she is.  I suppose I just never took notice,” he admitted.

“Well, your father wasn’t as blind to your mother’s charms as that and made sure that she knew every day how much she meant to him.”

“How?  My father barely spoke to me or made his feelings known.  How did he tell my mother?”

“By showing her.  Not with presents but actions.  He made sure that he spent as much time with her as possible. Especially when you were a babe,” she said.

“I don’t remember that,” Ross responded.

“Of course not.  You were still in swaddling clothes, not weaned from your mother’s breast.  But mark my words, Joshua made sure to be a presence at home for both you and your mother.  As you grew older and the family business started to need more attention he did become scarce. But he never turned his back on you or your mother.  Not like….” she didn’t continue and Ross knew why.

“Not like Francis?” he finished for her.

“Yes.  You,  my boy, are very much like Joshua.  Emotions do not come easily to you but yet you feel things deeply. So take a page from his book and allow yourself to show those sentiments to others.  To your friends, your child, but most especially your wife. I think I have something that might help you in that regard.”

Ross stood up and walked around the room gathering his thoughts as he made sure that he left nothing behind.

“I know Aunt.  And believe me when I say I will take everything you’ve said as well as whatever everyone else into advisement.  I just wish I had some reference as to where to start. What I feel for Demelza is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. Perhaps that is why I can’t make sense of it sometimes. I suppose I thought it was so obvious that Demelza would see it or feel it as well.”

“I’m sure she does my boy.  Otherwise, she wouldn’t be as hurt over what you did. It’s not like your cousin Francis and that one he married. She never felt for him the way your bud feels for you. That’s why when Francis strayed she didn’t seem to mind,” she explained.

“You don’t mean that Aunt,” Ross said.  He could not believe that Elizabeth was that cold. And yet, he’d seen a bit of that side of her the morning after their encounter.

“I do mean it, my boy.  And heed my words when I say this: no matter if you spent one week or one year in this house, Elizabeth will never change her feelings for you.  In her mind, she’s won.  You’ve left your wife and come to her.  The reason is not important as much as getting you back was,” Agatha explained.

Ross stared at his aunt, never having heard such blunt talk from her in all his life. He found it ironic that all the people he’d spoken to this evening had told him pretty much the same thing. If they could see why couldn’t he?  No matter now, for his decision was made.  Walking back to where his aunt sat, he took her hands as he rejoined her on the bed.  He wanted to know what she knew about his parents and the way his father showed his love for his mother.  Ross couldn’t remember much about that time of their lives except for the few, extraordinary events, both revolving around the death of someone in their family.  The first was his brother Claude whose passing hit all the Nampara Poldarks hard most especially his mother. He did remember his father comforting his mother at night when he heard her weeping.  Ross was taken back to that time when he and Demelza lost Julia; the difference is that they never got the chance to mourn together properly as she was deathly ill herself and then he was carted off to jail.  This thought just occurred to Ross which made him wonder if that breach, the circumstances surrounding her illness and death were still causing a rift between them.  He must speak to Demelza about that when he next saw her.

The other event was the one the Ross remembered most vividly and that was his mother’s death.  It was after she passed that Joshua pulled away into his own world, barely noticing Ross.  His going away to school didn’t seem to matter because he was ignored anyway. That’s why what Agatha was telling him about how his father acted towards his mother was hard to picture.

“Aunt Agatha, you said you had something of my father’s that might help me with Demelza. What is it?”

The old woman rose, poking Ross with her walking stick before balancing on it as she walked towards the door.

“Follow me, boy,” she commanded.

Knowing better than to question her again, he did as he was told, leaving his items behind.  Taking the short walk to her room, Ross could not imagine what his aunt could possibly have that would give him insight to his parents or marriage.  Reaching the door, he opened it and let Agatha lead the way.  She went to her dressing table and pulled out a small bundle of folded parchment.  Ross was even more confused as she handed the packet to him.

“What’s this?” he asked, turning the papers over in his hand.

“They’re love letters, my boy. Some are poems,” she said as she sat down.

“Love letters?  By whom?”

“Your father. To your mother,” she stated.

“What?  My father wrote love letters and poems to my mother?”

Ross was gobsmacked at the idea of Joshua Poldark having any kind of romantic tendencies.

“Yes.  Not many but enough that showed your mother his feelings,” Agatha said.

“How did you come by these?”  Ross was now fingering the parchments, staring at his father’s handwriting and realizing how much like his own it was.

“You’re father gave them to me.  Before he died.  He wanted me to hold them so that your uncle or cousins didn’t get a hold of them.  He found them after you mother died.  He told me he was surprised that Grace had kept them.  He didn’t think they meant that much to her but apparently, he was wrong.  So he kept them and told me to give them to you when I thought you were ready to see them.  I think now is a perfect time,” Agatha said.

“Why now?” His voice was full of emotion. 

“I think you know why Ross.  You’re lost as to how to court Demelza and tell her how you feel.  I thought maybe seeing how your father felt about your mother would give you some guidance.  At the least you could maybe pinch a word or two,” Agatha teased.

He smiled his crooked smiled, amused that in the middle of this drama, his maiden aunt could find some humor. Ross looked down at the papers in his hand again and noticed that they were still bundled; that the ribbon binding them was not touched.

“Did you read these?” he asked Agatha.

She appeared shocked; insulted that he would suggest such a thing.

“I have not! And I resent any suggestion that I have,” she said with indignation.

“I’m sorry Aunt.  This whole situation has my head spinning,” he responded.

“Are you sure it’s not the rum?” Agatha said with a tilt of her head.

Ross couldn’t lie about his alcoholic state, not after all they’d discussed.  He actually felt sober. 

“I’m fine Aunt.  Whatever rum I had earlier has clearly worn off.”

“Well good.  I hope you’re not reverted back to the inebriated person you were after you returned from war.”

Her tone was scolding and Ross knew she was serious.  He had no intention of revisiting that time of his life unless it led him to meet Demelza again.  That fateful day was the one bright light in that dark period after he’d returned and found out Elizabeth was marrying Francis. Now he was facing that blackness again, this time caused by him but again involving Elizabeth and once again the light that he was drawn to was Demelza.  What he told her on the cliffs at the opening of Wheal Grace was true.  She was his star; the beacon that led him out of himself towards her and happiness.  He hoped he could find that light again.

“It must be late Aunt. You should get some sleep. And I have to do one more thing before I leave.  I promise I’ll come see you soon,” he said as he kissed her hands.

“I’ll hold you to it,” she said as she climbed into her bed. Ross made his way to leave when she spoke again. “If I find out that you have not done right by your wife, I will personally come and box your ears.”

“I don’t doubt it. Good night Aunt,” he said quietly.

****~~~~****

 He exited the room and walked down the hallway to Elizabeth’s room.  The route flashing memories of what happened a few days ago but that felt like a lifetime away.   Ross stopped at the heavy oak door, the dim candlelight all too familiar causing his skin to chill and his breathing to hitch.  He knocked and waited.  Presently the door opened to reveal Elizabeth wearing the same nightclothes she had on the other night. The sight of them so disturbed Ross that he tried to ignore them and focus on the discussion to come.  He stared at her trying to determine what it was about her that drove him here that night and could find nothing special.  She was just Elizabeth, his cousin’s widow. Not his first love, certainly not his lover, he wasn’t even sure she was his friend.  Ross didn’t know how to start the conversation so he was grateful when she spoke first.

 “Ross?  So you’ve finally returned.  You were gone so long I thought something had happened to you. Are things settled with Demelza?  Is she accepting of your decision?” she prattled on without stopping, turning to walk into her room expecting him to follow. 

“Elizabeth, I must speak with you.  About this situation,” he began.

“Of course Ross. Now that Demelza is taken care of we can make plans,” she said as she sat at her dressing table, plaiting her hair.

“That’s just it, Elizabeth I don’t want to make plans. At least not here and not with you.”

She finally showed some interest in what was being said and so stopped what she was doing to look at him in the mirror. She said nothing but waited for Ross to explain himself.  He looked at her and for all intents and purposes, she appeared calm, however, as he learned over the past few days she was most likely seething underneath.   Elizabeth was very good at putting up a cold and distant demeanor to cover the rage inside.

“I’ve made a terrible mistake. This whole thing is a mistake.  I should never have come to you that night with the notion that my taking advantage of a situation would lead you to change your mind nor should it. It’s your life Elizabeth, not mine anymore. What we did, what we tried to do was create a reality out of a fantasy. We both were so sure we still had feelings for each other that were strong enough to build on no matter if it hurt people.  And yet, for my part, it wasn’t there.  What I feel for you now is not what I feel for my wife. I assumed what I had built up in my mind about you was a true and actual emotion.  But I was mistaken. I felt nothing akin to love. It took that impulsive act of betrayal to make me realize that. I loved you no more than I did any other friend.  The feeling might be more sentimental because of the history between us but it was not enough to justify our sleeping together.  That is a regret I will live with for the rest of my life.  And I’m sorry it happened.”

Elizabeth rose from the dressing table, walking towards Ross ready to speak when he continued.

 “In the past forty-eight hours, I’ve come to realize, maybe too late, that I have no right to dictate your life. I don’t like George, as you well know, and I would encourage you to not accept his proposal, however, that’s not my choice.   Ultimately you have to make a decision on your own, for the right reasons. That does not include trying to get me to show you I care, nor does it mean for you to try and taunt me with George’s proposal.  This one has to come from you, Elizabeth.  You sent me that letter so I could make a decision for you as well as force me into showing my devotion to you.  And I was a fool to fall for it. Demelza warned me and I didn’t listen. She is wiser than both of us.  Now I’ve betrayed and hurt her as well as my child, myself and even you.  None of us deserve to be in this situation which is why I’m leaving here before things get more complicated and out of control. And before I lose the most important things to me, I’m going to fix it.”

Elizabeth let him finish.  She then walked over to where he stood with a twisted smile on her face as she put her hands on his chest, trying to summon up some sort of seductiveness to keep Ross’s interest.

 “And what about me? And the fate of Francis’s estate?  Are you going to abandon me again?  As you did when you came back from war?”

Her voice was pointed even as she tried to make it sound sweet, hurt even. She didn’t move but stood still, the only part of her moving was her hands, caressing his chest.  Expecting him to respond to her, Elizabeth was surprised when Ross grabbed her arms and pushed her away; a distinctly opposite action to the other night. Ross turned from her and walked to the door.   _Did she really compare this to the situation from ten years ago?_   He could not believe that Elizabeth saw this as the same thing. Clearly, the woman was delusional.  He was grateful the alcohol had totally worn off by now because it meant that anything he said was the truth and not the result of too much rum and not enough sleep. Seeing her like this assured Ross that his decision now was the right one.

 “Elizabeth I did not abandon you upon my return from America.  I did the honorable and right thing.  You were engaged to my cousin and best friend and it was not my place to break that.  By fate and circumstance, I was unable to communicate with you while I was at war, so you moved on with your life as you and your mother saw fit.  I accepted that and as luck would have it, it led me down a path that has brought me much happiness. And which, until now, I’ve come to take for granted.  I’m sorry that you and Francis couldn’t find the same thing within your marriage but that is not my fault, much as you tried to make it so.  Fate might hand us our destiny but it is our choice what we do with it.  Now you must do the same.” 

Ross felt great relief in finally saying what was in his heart and mind.  The sight of Demelza and her new character, the talks with Dwight, Prudie, and Zacky and finally listening to his inner voice, gave him a different kind of resolve.  In the past, his path was determined by other people’s actions so that Ross had to take the road that was left to him. This time he could have let Demelza go to live a new life as the new woman he saw the past few days and he could have started a life at Trenwith, leaving him miserable.  Instead, he was going to make a decision that he knew was best for him, and hopefully, the best for Demelza and even, the best for Elizabeth. In time Elizabeth should see that his stepping out of her life was for her own good as well as his. They could offer nothing to each other and Ross knew he didn’t want to.  He wanted Demelza and all that came with her and their life at Nampara. 

If he was feeling glad then Elizabeth was feeling quite the opposite.  Her face turned cold as her body stiffened.

“So what do you intend to do Ross? Don’t tell me that scullery maid of yours is taking you back?  Is she that desperate that she would overlook you giving yourself to another?  Especially since that other is the one person she can never compete with?  I thought she would just pick up and find some other man to take advantage of. Scullery maids are always in demand and I’m sure she could supply someone with what they need. She seems to have plenty of skills. And experience.”

Elizabeth stood with an evil smile on her face and her hands on her hips defiantly waiting for him to respond. 

Ross could not digest what she had just spit out and stared at her wondering if this was the same person he thought he loved and who he idolized for so long.   The woman he looked at now held none of the warmth or compassion of the person he thought she was.  This Elizabeth was a stranger to him.  Maybe it was being alone that drove her to change, or the association with George that altered her personality because as he stared at her now she could easily be a female version of Warleggan.  Ross was flummoxed at this turn of events but any guilt he felt about leaving Trenwith and Elizabeth was erased by what she just said.

“I don’t know what’s happened to you Elizabeth and quite frankly I don’t care.  I will not take the blame for your fortunes or misfortunes or your current lot in life. As you said that night, you didn’t want to be condemned to thirty years of loneliness.  And you’re right. You shouldn’t have to be alone. But you are not going to alleviate that loneliness with me.  Although now I’m wondering if George truly is interested in you since he’s been paying attention to Demelza,” Ross said.  He knew she didn’t have this piece of information and so waited for that to penetrate her mind.

He knew when she digested the statement as her eyes got wide and her smirk disappeared.

“What did you say?” she spits out.

“I said, George seems to have taken a fancy to my wife.  This is another reason why I’m going home, Elizabeth. I don’t care now if George wants you either to marry you or keep you as a plaything, but he will not get anywhere near Demelza or my son.” 

Ross’s voice was hard and determined.  His resolve was clear and Elizabeth, still stunned by his admission, didn’t hear anything except the words ‘George and Demelza’ in the same sentence.

“He would never take up with that trull when he’s been pursuing me for years!  Or when he’s proposed to me!  I can’t believe it! He must be playing her and you for fools!”

Elizabeth was yelling now and Ross did nothing to stop her.  It became obvious that this was the true Elizabeth he was seeing. This person made Ross question everything he thought about her, him and their relationship going back to the beginning.  How could he have been so blinded by her all these years?  Perhaps Francis was not the one in the wrong. If this is the wife he found himself with, his trips to Margaret and his gaming addiction could be justified.  Ross never thought he’d be finding excuses for his cousin’s indiscretions but he felt sorry for Francis now.  Up until all this happened, he blamed Francis for treating Elizabeth poorly; now it was clear that what she projected to the world was not the person she was.  Ross got a sick feeling in his stomach as he realized that everything people were telling him about his first love was true.  That he put all he had on the line for a woman he never really knew, leaving his wife, the one person who held nothing back and who had no secrets from him. 

“Elizabeth you’re going to wake Agatha,” he urged.

“I don’t give a jot about that old woman,” she said. 

Ross watched as Elizabeth paced the room, wringing her hands, undoubtedly trying to think of what to do next.   As she came back to where he stood, she seemed to remember his presence.

“I thought you said you were leaving?  Go!  Go back to that urchin you married!  Although Ross, are you sure she’s just been sitting home pining for you?  Obviously, she’s been interacting with others to get George’s attention.  But I’ll take care of George.  Why don’t you take yourself out of here and go home?  I’ve come to realize that I too, feel nothing that I should for a man who’s supposedly my first love.  Nothing. Not even hate for the fact he’s abandoning me again.”

“That makes all this easier for both of us then Elizabeth.  I’ll check in with Pascoe on the handling of the estate and will make arrangements as needed to ensure that Trenwith does not come to ruin and that Geoffrey Charles is taken care of.  Other than that, our relationship is over.”

Ross strode to the door and opened it gently.

“Oh, and Elizabeth, do not make any attempt to contact me and especially not Demelza.  Is that clear?”

She looked at him, stunned because the last thing on her mind was his wife.  Her focus would be on getting George back so that his proposal could come to fruition. 

“Have no worries on that score, Ross.  You and your wench are no longer my concern.”

“Then we agree. This is the end.  I hope you find what makes you happy Elizabeth.”

He turned and closed the door behind him.  As he walked down the hall he stopped briefly at Agatha’s door and opening it slowly, peered in to find his aunt asleep.  He started to close it when he heard, “Good going there, my boy.  Now go home and take care of you bud.”

Ross popped his head in again and smiling at his aunt said, “I will, Aunt.  I will.”

He then went to his room, picked up the case and made his way out to where Darkie was hitched. He tied the case to the horse and swung up into the saddle. Ross trotted around the path and out the gate, not looking back.  He only looked forward into the darkness determined to find his star in the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments, kudos, messages, suggestions, and support. It is all appreciated and absorbed and hopefully put to good use.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ross does some self-searching, Demelza handles her new admirer and these two finally talk. 
> 
> The beginnings of "Romantic Ross" appear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always characters and original plot belong to Winston Graham and Debbie Horsfield--I own nothing but my idea.

Ross had been at Dwight’s for almost a week. In that time he had seen Jeremy every day but still did not have a chance to talk to Demelza about all that’s happened since his he left Nampara for Trenwith. Obviously, she knew he was no longer living at the family estate with Elizabeth, but Ross didn’t know if she understood why.  In all honesty, he thought, she probably didn’t care.  He did hope that she would see this move as a change in his mindset in that his focus was now on her and their family rather than the Trenwith Poldarks.  It was early evening and Ross had just returned from spending time at the mine and then stopping by Nampara to see Jeremy before he went to bed.  Demelza was not at home and when asked, Prudie was vague in her response.  Ross could surmise from her lack of answers that Demelza was out with one of her suitors.  The thought made Ross’s stomach turn but he knew that the way to handle this was not to jump to conclusions or react without thinking.  During the time he spent with Dwight, the two of them had discussed the best way to go into this situation and concluded that rational and calm actions would be needed to win back Demelza’s trust and prove his love.  It was uncharted territory for Ross which is why he was so hesitant on how to proceed. 

It was clear that Demelza was not going to just fall at his feet or come running to him when he gave her a smile or crook of his finger.  She had, since that interminable night, grown from a loyal and loving wife to a strong, confident woman who no longer needed him (as she told him) yet still wanted him. But now it had to be on her terms because she didn’t yet believe that he loved her with his whole heart.  That would be the hardest thing to convince Demelza of because up until a week ago, even Ross thought that a part of him still loved Elizabeth.  When he realized that there was nothing close to love in his feelings for her, it blindsided him.  For ten years he was certain that part of him was still devoted to Elizabeth.  He relied on that idealized loyalty to change Elizabeth’s mind about marrying George.  In fact,  he used that belief and sentiment to justify taking Elizabeth then tried channeling those same feelings during the act itself in order to see it through, all to his unforeseen disappointment.  By the time his body released itself into hers and his breathing returned to normal, Ross knew that nothing remained of that youthful emotion of first love.  Unfortunately, he didn’t have the fortitude to leave as soon as it was done but fell asleep,  while his wife waited up for him at home.  Yet he was sure if he had returned that same night the outcome would still result in her walloping him to the ground.

Determined to never again go through that kind of torment or put Demelza through it either, Ross was going to find the right way to do what Dwight, Agatha, and even Demelza advised would repair his marriage. The packet of letters that Agatha gave him lay on the table, the ribbon still tied around them.  While he was curious to read them, he almost felt as if he would be intruding on private conversations, except that these exchanges might give him some insight into his parent’s marriage and maybe, just maybe, a clue as to how to win the heart of a woman like Demelza.

 Ross never had to do anything like this with Elizabeth because they didn’t really know each other that long. Their paths had crossed when they were in school, the first meeting occurred when Elizabeth was sixteen.  At the time he, Francis and George all had eyes for her, so Ross was surprised when she seemed to take a liking to him.  He was not the one with the money or good family reputation; quite the opposite.  Looking back on it now, Ross realized that she hadn’t played the game of being chased as most young ladies of the time did.  No, Elizabeth did quite the opposite, setting her sights on him so it made the pursuit unnecessary.  As she admitted since their encounter, Elizabeth was attracted to Ross because he was the opposite of everything her family and society picked for her.  It was the thrill of doing something rebellious that made Ross attractive to her.  Ross never had any idea that Elizabeth was so cunning.  He believed that she cared for him as he did her.  Seeing her in the glaring light of day the morning after and every day since then, he came to realize that she had no concept how to love another person.  The only person it seemed Elizabeth had genuine love for was her son.  Other than that, she projected the demeanor of a typical woman of the gentry, which Ross found less than attractive.

Rising from the table, Ross poured himself a brandy and decided to read the letters.  Opening up the first one, Ross slowly scanned Joshua’s words and for a moment he was transported back to his youth as he heard his father’s voice reciting this to his mother.  The letter was full of compliments,  endearments, and phrases of love and affection. 

_My dearest Grace,_

_As we begin our lives together, please know that my promise to you is to be an attentive and loving spouse.  While my life before you was less than stellar, I know that my life hereafter will be full of joy.  You have shown me that to love someone is a gift in and of itself, so on this, our wedding day, this is what I give you. My abiding love._

_Joshua_

Ross read this over again and found it uncanny how alike his father’s feelings for his mother were to his own for Demelza.  It could have been written by him about Demelza.  His life before Demelza was empty, lonely and broken.  He lived on memories of a love that, as it turned out, was never real, while letting life slip away.  Finding Demelza that day was the turning point he needed, but he didn’t realize it until recently.  Folding up the small note, Ross opened the next one.  He recognized the date as being the anniversary of his parent’s marriage; he was about five or six at the time.  As he unfurled the parchment, a small leaf along with a dried purple flower,  fell from the crease onto the table.  Ross picked them up and turned them over in his hand. He couldn’t figure out what these were so he read the letter for some possible answer.

_My beloved,_

_I hope this token will grow as my love for you has grown.  Your garden has become a symbol of our marriage and family. With each new addition representing something in our lives. And so this lilac bush is for you, my love.  Delicate, yet strong, that when nurtured will become the center of your garden as you have become the center of my life._

_Your ever loving,_

_Joshua_

Ross’s hand shook as he put the foliage and parchment back together.  He never expected such words of love to come from his father, nor did he know the lilac bush that was the focal point of his garden had been a gift to his mother.  Demelza loved that shrub from the day she arrived at Nampara.  Ross remembered the first time he noticed some cuttings she had brought into the house.  It was spring, a few weeks before Jim Carter’s trial and the night that changed everything.  Demelza had placed the flowers in a pitcher on the table in the parlor, their scent filling the room, giving it a feeling of life.  Ross never took much notice of these touches that she brought into the house but this time, something about her bouquet was soothing. At the time he didn’t know why but now it made sense: these flowers reminded him of his mother.  All Ross knew was that he looked forward to Demelza’s arrangements from that point forward but he can’t remember ever telling her this.

He rose to go pour himself another drink when Dwight entered.  Ross turned to see him walk in and silently sat down again. Dwight was concerned and moved to place his hat and bag on the table next to his friend.

“Ross? Is everything alright?  Has something happened with Demelza?”

Taking the last gulp of his drink, Ross looked up at his friend and responded.

“No nothing has happened with Demelza.  I’m just realizing that I have been a less than a model husband to her and that even my father, who could never tell me how he felt or even if I mattered to him, was able to share his feelings with my mother.”

“What do you mean?”

Ross saw that Dwight was confused and so held up the first letter for him. 

“Here. Read this.  And you’ll see that Ross Poldark clearly didn’t inherit everything of the family name.”

Dwight took the piece of paper from his hand and scanned the words.  He hid his surprise at what he read and agreed with Ross that these did not sound like the man he’d heard about all these years. And yet, it did sound like Ross.  If he didn’t know better he would have said that this was written about Demelza and not Ross’s mother.

“This is lovely. Are you saying your father wrote this about your mother?”

He stood up and got the bottle and another mug for himself.  Ross watched him as he took the parchment back and ran his finger around the edges,  reading the letter again.

“Yes, Dwight.  My father, who barely had a word for me, poured his heart out onto this parchment and told my mother how he felt.”

“So what’s the problem? I think that proves that even the strongest of men can be tender.”

Dwight sipped his drink but kept his eye on Ross.  While his friend may not know it, Dwight believed that Ross had this same romantic streak in him.  He just had to find a means to channel it into such way as to relay to Demelza.

“Nice try Dwight.  I know what you’re trying to do but this one time I don’t think you can save me.  I don’t have this kind of emotion in me.”

“On the contrary, Ross, I think you do.  More so even.  The other night, when you came to me and bore your soul about what you’d done and how you feel about Demelza, I’ve never seen such raw, honest sentiment.”

Ross looked at him and smirked.

“That was the liquor talking.”

“I don’t believe that.  There is a saying that the truth is often revealed in drink. “

Lifting his head, Ross looked at Dwight wondering if what he was saying was true.

“Dwight, as much as I feel for Demelza, and lord knows it’s beyond definition, I don’t think I can write it down.” 

Ross twisted the ribbon from the packet around his fingers, staring at the discolored and worn notes and thought about what he would put down on paper if he had to.  How could he tell Demelza how deeply he loved her without her laughing at him? But his father was able to do it and he doubted he loved his mother more than Ross loved Demelza.  The way he was feeling lately, Ross didn’t think that anyone felt like he did.

“Ross you’re over thinking this.  Demelza wants to reconcile with you.  I know for a fact she loves you.  As much as she’s tried to hate you, she feels for you the way that you feel for her.  Maybe you just need to start slow.  Talk to her as a woman, not your wife. When you go to get Jeremy ask how she’s feeling, what she wants.”

Shaking his head, Ross practically laughed at his friend.

“You make it sound so easy, Dwight.  Have you forgotten that I’ve committed the ultimate betrayal to her?  And the wounds are still fresh.”

“I haven’t forgotten and I’m sure Demelza hasn’t either, which is why you take it one step at a time. See what she’s feeling.  The key to this is talking to her. Not telling her what she should do.”

Dwight looked straight at Ross to see if he understood where he was coming from.

“I get it.  I’m just afraid it won’t be enough.”

“I think if you show Demelza your utter remorse and display your feelings for her, I think she’ll listen.”

Ross nodded in agreement.

“And what do I do about her new suitors?”

Dwight tried to stifle a laugh.

“You mean Hugh Bodrugan and Malcolm McNeil?”

“And George Warleggan,” Ross added.

Dwight’s eyes widen at that name.

“George?  I hadn’t heard that. How did that come about?”

“I’m not quite sure.  The last time I saw Demelza, he sent over a gift apparently after meeting her at Werry House.  It makes me wonder what Demelza did to attract such attention,” he said

“Ross?  You know George would do anything to get at you.  With you at Trenwith, are you surprised he wouldn’t  look for a similar way to irk you?

“No.  But Dwight it coils in my stomach.”

“Well as I see it, that’s a good thing,” Dwight said between sips.

“How?” Ross did not understand what he was trying to say.

“If Demelza’s situation bothers you this much, then it should be easier for you to channel that jealousy into a way to win Demelza back.”

“Jealousy?  I never said I was jealous,” Ross said defensively.

Dwight tilted his head and gave his friend a raised eyebrow when he heard his denial.

“What would you call it Ross? You can’t stand the fact that your wife is being chased by other men, one of whom is your sworn enemy.  In a roundabout way, George is the reason that she’s alone to be pursued by others in the first place.  Demelza is beautiful, smart, and compassionate and she’s not falling for your charms.  To me that’s jealousy,” Dwight said.

Ross said nothing but kept fiddling with the letters. He had never known jealousy before.  Not like this.  When Elizabeth married Francis he felt pain but it was more a combination of disappointment, anger, and resignation that coursed through him.  He wasn’t jealous of Francis rather he was hurt.  But in this instance could Dwight be right?  Perhaps what he felt was jealousy.  Ross wanted Demelza, that was certain and he didn’t want anyone else to have her, that was also certain.  He envied that these men got to spend time with his wife; chatting with her, listening to her laugh, hearing her sing. All things he’d shared and taken for granted. 

Dwight stood and headed to bed. He walked up the stairs but stopped half way to turn to Ross and say one more thing.

“I think this is the first time, since your trial, that I’ve seen you so unsure about something.  It makes you human, Ross.  I do think if you show Demelza this side of you, you will be on your way to fixing things. Get some sleep.”

With that Dwight went to bed, leaving Ross to think about everything.  He started to put the letters back into their bundle when one piece of parchment stuck out from the rest.  This looked larger than the other missives so Ross opened it and read.  It wasn’t a letter but a poem.   He silently recited it in his head and as he did the words again seemed to reflect his own life.  The verses related almost everything he was going through with regards to his error in judgment but was written years before.  From what Agatha had told him, his father was faithful to his mother; this poem inferred that wasn’t the case. The sentiment in the poem was guilt followed by remorse.  _I am my father’s son_ , Ross thought.  He finished reading, folded it, and added it to the rest of the letters. Ross took the ribbon and tied the parcel up, placing it back in his saddlebag.  Ross rose and walked around the room looking for a quill and some paper. He found what he needed on Dwight’s desk and went back to the table. He poured another mug of brandy and began to write.  They were just words,  but Ross thought it was a start. _What have I got to lose?_ Fiddling with the quill, he took a drink and silently answered his own question.  Everything.

****~~~~****

Demelza heard from Prudie that Ross had moved out of Trenwith and was living with Dwight but had not seen him since. The times he came to see Jeremy she made sure to be busy somewhere else. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to see him, it was just that seeing him seemed to do nothing by upset them both.  Ross was still not ready to talk about what happened, what he wanted and what they were going to do. She was still feeling the effects of that endless night followed by her adventures at Werry House. Now she had to deal with the constant attention of the men she paid some consideration to that night of Sir Hugh’s party.  As much as she was flattered by their interest, Demelza was only allowing it to go on because she knew it gave Ross something to think about.  For the past year, she had been just another person in his life.  Not a wife, not a mother, not a lover, not even a friend.  Just someone he’d gotten used to being around who he could ignore when it suited and turn to when the urge drove him.  She was no longer his partner or confidante. For a time after Francis’ death, Demelza was sure that Elizabeth had replaced her in this way.  _She had certainly replaced her in Ross’s arms and bed_ , Demelza thought bitterly. 

She was outside folding the wash when that last thought came to her most likely because she was doing the same thing a few weeks ago when Ross returned. Demelza was shaking out another shirt when she heard a horse approach.  Again a familiar chill came over her as she was transported back to that day. Closing her eyes, she turned towards the sound, expecting to see Ross. Instead, she was surprised to see that the rider was Malcolm McNeil.  Breaking into her best Demelza smile, she moved to greet her visitor.

“Cap’n McNeil, what brings you back this way?” she asked as pleasantly as possible. 

In actuality, she wished he would have kept riding by.  His frequent calls were starting to wear on her nerves.  At first, his compliments and flattery were a balm to her wounded soul.  To find that another man as accomplished, stalwart and determined as Ross found her attractive was just what she needed immediately following that incident.  Now it was becoming annoying.  Demelza found out fairly quickly that the handsome Scotsman was interested in one particular thing and his amorous overtures were becoming harder to turn away without making an enemy of him.  She knew, of course, that she would never, could never give herself to another man; unlike Ross, the physical urges she felt did not need to be quelled in an instant by just any man.  For Demelza, the tie she had to Ross was still strong despite the strain between them so she didn’t see any reason to compromise her marital vows. 

“Mistress Demelza, need you ask? ‘Tis you I came to see.  And I’ve asked that you call me Malcolm,” he said with a grin. 

McNeil pulled the reins of his horse to a stop and dismounted.  Walking towards Demelza with long strides she could tell he had something on his mind and she could only imagine what it might be. His last few visits found him getting more familiar with her and the house, even trying to make friends with Jeremy.  Ironically enough the lad was much like his father in that he was wary of strangers, especially those who were close to Demelza.  She smiled at that thought just as McNeil reached her.

“I can see by your smile that you seem pleased to see me too Demelza.”

Demelza caught herself and quickly changed her demeanor, putting on a more neutral face. 

“It’s always nice to see a friendly face...Malcolm,” she replied. 

Demelza knew she was playing with fire but found it hard to stop.  In all her years with Ross, she never had the opportunity to be this type of woman. She was either a servant, a wife or a mother.  The few times she was dressed up and thrown amongst society was again in one of those categories and the men treated her as such.  Now she was just Demelza, who alone, was being sought out.  It was a heady brew to have this kind of power over men and she wasn’t quite sure how to use it.  It became clear that most men liked the smiling, demure, seemingly inane type of woman she portrayed at Hugh Bodrugan’s party.  That night she played the role to perfection just to see what it was like and now she had men fawning over her.  Sir Hugh had sent a bushel of peaches for no particular reason; George had sent a basket of flowers and more sweets with the promise that next time he would deliver the gift in person.  Demelza could handle those type of self-centered men and their gifts. 

It was Malcolm McNeil that she was unsure about.  He never brought anything except himself and then spent the rest of his visit saying sweet things to her or getting just a bit too close for comfort. He’d ask her to sing or play the spinet while he stood behind her, his hand on her shoulder.  It was nice for awhile to have a man focus on her without the distractions of work or other people. Except Demelza knew it wasn’t Malcolm's hand she wanted to feel or his voice she wanted to hear him say those words. The emotions of the situation started to bubble inside her as he neared her, so Demelza wiped her hands on her skirt in an attempt to shake this feeling of melancholy.

“I was passing by on the way back to Sir Hugh’s and couldn’t miss a chance to stop and see you.  How are you my dear?” he asked as he took her hand to kiss.

“I’m fine Malcolm.  Busy with chores so I beg your pardon if I can’t invite you to stay. Ross will be bringing Jeremy back soon and I must prepare his bath.”

Demelza spoke quickly her nerves rising as she realized she wanted Malcolm to leave before Ross showed up.  She was not in the mood for a confrontation between these two men, both trying to stake claim to their presumed territory. As much as that was a boost to her ego, she was not a possession to be won.

The disappointment was visible on Malcolm’s face and Demelza fought the urge to snicker.

“I’m sorry to hear that.  I was hoping for a chance to spend more time with you and Jeremy,” he said. 

His voice was smooth and Demelza looked down at him still holding her hand.  She gently pulled it away to push a wayward tendril out of her face.

“I know.  Perhaps another time. Right now I need to tend to my home and family matters.”

“Understood.  I hope that those family matters include settling whatever you have to with your husband so that I may have an opportunity to properly court you,” he said.

Demelza didn’t know how to answer that and so let the comment pass.  Malcolm waited for some kind of sign from her that he was not wasting his time so when she didn’t respond right away he stepped back from her.

“Demelza, I hope that the past few weeks have as pleasant for you as they have been for me.”

Not wanting to hurt his feelings, and enjoying that fact that men coveted her, Demelza answered slowly.

“They have been very pleasant Malcolm but I am still a married woman with a child. And Ross is still very much a presence in my life.  I don’t think it’s proper for us to become too well acquainted so quickly.  Think of your reputation.”

“I am my dear and I’m sure it will be unscathed.”  His smile was bright, bordering on evil.

“And what of my reputation Malcolm? Have you now a care for that?” she asked. 

Her fears were genuine because she did not want to become fodder for gossip any more than she already was thanks to Ross.

“I care a great deal for you Demelza, more than your husband I dare say. This is why the sooner an understanding can be found the easier it will be.”

“Please Malcolm, I have much to think about before any ‘understandings’  happen.  I am truly flattered by your interest but I believe we should remain friends for now.  And keep our visits short,” she explained.

The captain was confused about her change of heart because he was certain he was winning her affections.  However, he could bide his time if it meant that Demelza Poldark would be won in the end.  Malcolm McNeil wanted this fiery redhead in his bed and the sooner the better.  Husband or not, if she was going to play the coy flirt, then he would let her. 

“I see.  I enjoy your company Demelza as I hope you do mine but will not overstay my welcome. I will take my leave for now.  But know that I will still be in the area and will call on you again. “

They were face to face in the yard with Malcolm’s back to the path so he didn’t see that Ross was approaching with Jeremy, however, Demelza did.  The sight of her estranged husband holding her son revived the anger she had for him and what he did to their marriage.  That spurred her to do something she didn’t expect. She reached out and put her hand on Malcolm McNeil’s arm as a sign of encouragement. Demelza didn’t really mean it but needed to keep up the façade of being interested in this man just so he wouldn’t cause any trouble for her or Ross.  She also wanted Ross to see that she was wanted by this man, his former comrade in arms and that his intentions were not totally honorable.

“I look forward to it Malcolm. Now please excuse me as I see Jeremy has returned,” she said with the warmest smile on her lips and in the sweetest voice she could muster.

“Thank you, my dear.  I look forward to our seeing each other very soon,” Malcolm replied as he reached for her hand again, but instead of kissing it, used it to pull Demelza closer to him so he could kiss her cheek. 

As he did, Demelza looked past him at Ross who stood with Jeremy on his hip watching the scene play out. A small grain of satisfaction came to her as she recognized the look of disbelief and disdain on her husband’s face. 

“Thank you, Malcolm,” she said as she pulled away.

With a parting smile, Malcolm turned to get his horse when he saw Ross and Jeremy.  He looked back over his shoulder at Demelza who just smiled and returned to what she was doing before.  She was getting much amusement out of this but tried to hide it.

“Captain Poldark,” Malcolm said as he walked towards Ross.  Putting Jeremy down, Ross neared the Scotsman but did not offer his hand immediately.  Instead, he stood and waited for some explanation as to what he just witnessed.

“Captain McNeil?  What are you doing here again?  Is there trouble around Nampara I should know about?” Ross kept his voice clipped, trying hard to not spit out the words that he really felt.

“No Captain. Just paying a social call to your lovely wife. She and I enjoyed each other’s company at Sir Hugh’s.  She’s quite a delightful companion, “ he said as he looked at Demelza.

Jeremy had made his way to his mother who scooped him up in her arms and gave him kiss.  She nuzzled his cheek, keeping an eye on the men in front of her as she spoke to her son.

“Did you have a nice visit with Papa, my lover?”

“Yes mama,” he said as he wiggled down her body.

Demelza looked to Ross but could see he wasn’t going to say anything until his rival was gone.

“Malcolm I think it best you go now,” she urged.

“Yes, my dear.”  Malcolm mounted his horse and rode off but not without one last look at Demelza with a smile and nod of his head.

****~~~~****

Demelza returned her focus to Jeremy as she knelt to talk with her son again.

“What did you and papa do today my boy?” she asked.

Ross walked towards them to join the conversation. He sat down on the bench in the yard and watched his wife.  He wanted to talk to her about what he just witnessed and where they were going to go from here.

“Jeremy why don’t you go inside and find Prudie?” he said his gaze focused on Demelza.

She lifted her head and glanced at him and saw that he wanted to talk without their son around. 

“Mama?” the little boy asked.

“Yes, my lover. Go inside and I will come directly to give you a bath,” she said as she stood and pushed him towards the house. 

With his parents watching,  the little boy toddled off to find Prudie, leaving them to talk.

“Demelza,” Ross started, “What exactly is going on with you and McNeil?”

Ross wasted no time in getting to the point and didn’t mean to sound harsh but it came naturally to him when he saw his wife being kissed by another man.  Demelza eyed her husband and knew that look well. It was the look Ross Poldark gave when he didn’t know what was going on or how to handle something.

“I don’t know if that’s your concern, Ross.  Your interest, I thought, lay with Trenwith.”

Unintentionally the tone was harsher than she meant for it to be and regretted the words as soon as she said them.  But he was annoying her. If he cared about who she was associating with, why didn’t he just say it?

Ross was taken aback by her tone but he didn’t blame her for it.  He deserved every bitter word that she had for him because of all he put her through.

“You’re right Demelza.  I may not have the right to ask what is going on but you are still my wife and whether you believe it or not I still love you and care about your welfare.”

Demelza was not prepared for that type of confession from him and for a moment doubted his sincerity. Until she looked at his face and she saw his eyes.  In all the time she’d known Ross Poldark, his eyes always gave away his feelings and at this moment what she saw in them surprised her.  It was uncertainty. And Demelza was unsure how to deal with that. 

“I’m not sure what you want me to say, Ross,” she said softly.

“Tell me the truth Demelza.  Do you have feelings for McNeil? Or any of the other men who’s interest you’ve captured? “

She looked at him and saw that he was concerned that she might actually be moving her affections from him to someone else.  Was that why he was so interested? 

“I do have feelings for them but only admiration and friendship.  I don’t feel for them what I still feel for you.  Despite the pain, underneath that ache is love.  I know it’s still there, I just don’t know how long it will take to forgive you so that it is once again first in my heart.”

Ross wanted to take her hand, to show her that in _his_ heart she _was_ first and only.  But he held back as he spoke again.

“I understand Demelza and I want to come home. Eventually.  You know I’m staying with Dwight now.  I left Trenwith and all that went with it.  I will not be going back there again. Anything that needs to be done for Francis’s estate can be done by Pascoe and from here.  Or wherever I end up living,” he said. 

Demelza turned to look at him and saw he was serious about his plans.  He was saying all the right things but she still needed him to show her.

“Ross as much as I want to hate you, I can’t.  It would be so much easier if I could,” she said with just the hint of a smile.

“I know. Believe me, I hate myself enough for both of us,” he replied.

“Good.  I have to ask Ross, do you want me because other men now find me attractive or because you truly love me?  Is this another instance of wanting something that someone else has or wants?  Like your wanting Elizabeth because George did?”

“No!  It is nothing about Elizabeth and she is nothing to me or our marriage any longer.  I’ve said before I was an idiot.  It’s clear that what I did with and to Elizabeth was a mistake.  Not only because it wouldn’t have changed her mind but mainly because it broke us.”

Demelza hears what he’s saying but still doubts him and Ross can see that.  He sees in her eyes that she still assumes Elizabeth means something to him and that the night he spent with her was one he will never forget.  Knowing Demelza as he does, he’s sure she will think his escapade of May 9th will be one more thing she has to compete with. Now is his chance to make her see and understand exactly what he feels for her and their marriage.

“I’ve said before that my night with Elizabeth meant nothing to me. And I know you doubt that so let me explain.  It meant nothing in the way it should between a man and a woman if they love each other. For my part, it was solely a misguided physical act and nothing more.  I admit that my carrying a devotion for her all the years of our marriage was wrong, but until that night I didn’t know how to cauterize that open wound _._ It took my fall to make me see that I had the found what I needed to heal that wound in you. From the moment you came into my life and especially after our first night together, it became clear that the physical relationship is nothing without love.  You made me see that, my love.”

He saw that she was listening to him now so he continued. 

“Demelza, you have always been the most amazing woman to me and I grasp now,  that for too long I’ve taken you for granted. So yes, standing by and watching as you are courted by other men has made me see you as they do: a vibrant and beautiful woman.  Not solely as my wife or the mother of my children.”

“So it _is_ because of how someone else feels about me that has you saying these things,” she said, her voice full of disappointment.

She moved to leave and Ross instinctively reached for her hand. Demelza looked at their connection and sat back down again.

“Damn it, Demelza you know I’m not good at expressing my feelings sometimes. Yes, I want you back. I want you back as my wife, my friend, my partner and my lover. But I know that after all that I’ve done I can’t just waltz in here and tell you to just let me in.”

“No Ross you can’t.  You threw out our marriage vows for some self-gratification and revenge.  That is what I cannot accept,” she cried.

Ross felt her pain and saw it reflected on her face.  She bit her lip as she held back the tears that she had not shed in weeks.

“I agree with you.  I’ve done a lot of searching Demelza, into myself and my feelings.”

Their hands were still clasped as their fingers moved to become entwined with each other. The warmth generated was welcome to both and reminded them of the what they had and what they could have again.

“What are those feelings, Ross?  I’m curious to see what you’ve discovered about yourself.”

He lifted his head and looked at Demelza.  It was the first time since that night that they talked as couples should.  There was a pain still, but they were also making an effort to listen to each other which was something that was lacking in the past. With her head still bent, focusing on their hands, Demelza spoke.

 “All these years with you, as we’ve made a life and a marriage, I was content. Beyond content, because I loved you, Ross.  More than I think you could ever know.”

He smiled at that and opened his mouth to concur when she interrupted him.

“ Now I want more from our relationship.  I need more from our relationship.   Yes, we have been everything to each other but only because when we married it seemed the right thing to do.”

“Demelza, I….” Ross started to say.

“Ross let me finish.  I know when you married me it was out of a sense of obligation but it was also the next step, wasn’t it? You called it a fact of life which is true.  If we didn’t marry I would have had to leave. I hope part of the reason you married me was that you didn’t want me to leave,” she said.

 “Demelza, you know that’s true.  You’d become such a part of me that the thought of Nampara without you was unthinkable,” he said.

They shared a look of mutual understanding because it was the unspoken truth.  Demelza couldn’t deny it and neither could Ross.

“I know Ross. It’s just that now, after what’s happened I see what I missed,” she said.

“What’s that?” Ross asked.

“I see what it’s like when a man wants a woman.  What they will go through to get their attention.  I know I might not have had it if we hadn’t met and I was still living in Illugan, but still, to have someone treat you like a gift they want but have to earn has been new to me.”

Ross searched her face and I knew what she was looking for from him. It’s what Dwight and Agatha had told him over the past days.  That he needed to show Demelza with actions how much he wanted her again.

“I see.  Demelza, I am telling you that what we had I want to have again.  It has no comparison to anything else nor have I ever felt another love like ours.”

“I want to believe you, Ross, I do.  But my heart is broken and what these men have done is to help heal _my_ wound,” she confessed.

“Demelza, please, let me be the one to help heal you.  To help heal us.  I know that we might never be the same as we were before but perhaps we can be better,” Ross said as he rubbed the back of her hand.

“Do you really believe that Ross? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to make this right?” she asked.

“Yes my love, I am,” Ross said.

“Then prove it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank to all who are reading, commenting, and discussing this work. I hope it means that it's touching people in various ways.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ross starts to court Demelza. They walk, they TALK, and secrets are revealed. Oh and Ross shows us his romantic side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem is not mine. It was written by Lynne Reid, a Poldark fan on FB. She kindly let me borrow it for this story. As always the characters are not mine...Thanks WG and DH

Ross put the quill down and stepped away from the table.  For the past day, he had been trying to put his feelings down on paper.  Piece after piece of parchment found themselves crumbled, torn and in a bin.  By the tenth try, Ross gave up on writing a letter.  He still had the last letter he wrote her stored away somewhere. It was when he was in prison awaiting trial. Then it was easier to tell her what he felt about her because he was confident that she would never see it, sure of an acquittal.  Now he had to look inside himself and find the words to express how he felt about the woman who came into his life unexpectedly and who, without trying, invaded his every thought and mood.  So much so that the hurt he bestowed upon her, was felt just as keenly as if he’d been the one wounded.  He looked over the poem again, his eyes scanning the words as he recited them in his head.  Ross basically took what he felt about himself, that night and Demelza and put it down in verse.  He surprised himself that it came so easily to him since he hadn’t had an exercise like this since school. 

Picking up a clean sheet of parchment, Ross prepared to write a final version of his poetry when Dwight returned from visiting patients.  He dipped the quill into the ink pot and started to write, not lifting his head to acknowledge his friend’s presence.

“Ross?  What are you doing?” Dwight asked.  The doctor relieved himself of his bag, hat, and coat, taking at seat at the table.  Looking around the room he saw, what appeared to be discarded pieces of paper, all in the same condition.

“If you must know I’m trying to do what you suggested and write something to Demelza telling her how I feel,” Ross replied his tone more than a little short.

Dwight smirked as he picked up one of the used pieces of paper and opened it.  As he read the words he saw yet another side of his friend.  This one was clearly in love with his wife and feeling the effects of not being with her.  While it was lovely, Dwight saw that what Ross wrote about were his feelings, not what he put Demelza through nor did it convey any kind of remorse.

“Is this what you’ve been writing?”Dwight said as he held out the sheet.

Ross took it from him and reading the version of the poem he was writing.

“Yes. Why?” Ross asked.

“I hope you’ve rewritten it,” Dwight suggested.

“It’s terrible, isn’t it?” Ross said.

“Well, let’s just say it’s not exactly showing Demelza you’ve been humbled by the situation.  It seems to be all about, well, you.”

Ross’s head shot up from the paper he’d been focused on and stared at his friend.

“What do you mean? I’ve written how I felt about what happened and why I want Demelza back,” he said.

“That’s just it.  It’s about how _you_ feel but not about how you feel _about_ Demelza. Or how you think you’ve hurt her,” Dwight explained.

“I told you I don’t know how to say that Dwight. Everyone tells me I have to show Demelza that I want and love her.  I thought I was doing that.  Damn it!”

He pushed the page away that he was working on and stood to go get a drink.  Curiosity got the better of Dwight and he picked up what Ross was writing when he came in.  He read it once and then again and smiled.

“This is perfect Ross,” Dwight said.

Turning from the counter, Ross looked at Dwight and wrinkled his brow.

“What is?” he asked, before taking a gulp.

Dwight held up the roughly written verse for Ross to see what he was referring to.

“This. It’s perfect,” Dwight said. 

Ross walked back to the table to join him and sat down.  He took the page back from Dwight and read it himself. 

_What pain have I inflicted_

_With this mindless obsession and pride_

_Dear God I wish I could take away_

_The hurt that I see in her eyes_

_To behave in such a manner_

_To do what I have done_

_What did I hope to achieve_

_I must be my Fathers’ Son_

_Looking for perfection_

_Chasing a distant dream_

_Such a foolish way to discover_

_What I have is all I need_

_This woman who knows me inside out_

_Has shared with me good time and bad_

_Has become like a silent stranger_

_Have we lost everything that we had?_

_Those eyes that were always full of life_

_Her heart so kind and true_

_How can I ever make it right?_

_What am I to do?_

_I love her more than she’ll ever know_

_I wish I could make her see_

_How much I need her in my life_

_She’s everything to me_

 

When he was finished he folded the paper in half and placed it on the table.

“You really think this is good enough to give to Demelza?” Ross asked.

“Ross you’ve said in this poem much of what you said to me when you came here last week.  I don’t see how she cannot respond to it.”

“Dwight this is the first time in my life I’ve had to put my feelings down in order to win the favor of anyone, least of all my wife.  What if I think it says everything and she still feels it’s lacking?  Then what?”

Ross was looking to Dwight for reassurance that his efforts would not be in vain. 

“Ross, I’m no literary critic but I can tell you that I believe every word that you’ve written.  And I’m impressed at the poetic tone of it.  Instead of worrying about what it won’t do, why don’t you go to Demelza and find out for yourself?”

Ross stared at his friend, knowing that he was right.  The only way to find out where he stood and what Demelza felt was to start doing what he promised her he would do: time for him to prove his love.

****~~~~****

Demelza and Jeremy were in the garden pruning and cutting the lilac bush when Ross road up.  Raising her hand to shield her eyes, Demelza looked in the direction of the approaching horse and saw her husband.  As much as she hated to admit it, he looked as handsome as ever even if there was weariness around his eyes.  She gradually stood up, brushing her hands on her apron while Jeremy ran to meet his father.

“Papa, Papa!” he cried. 

Demelza watched as Ross brought Darkie to a halt and swung down off the horse in time to catch a running Jeremy in his arms.

“My boy!” Ross said as he lifted him onto his hip.  “Are you well?  Have you been a good boy for Mama?”

“Yes, papa.  Mama says if I help her, she’ll let me have a special pudding later,” he stuttered out.

“Well then you should go help Mama so you can have that pudding,” Ross said. 

He put the boy down and stood back as he watched him return to his mother. Ross took a moment to look at Demelza.  With her hair tied up in a scarf, wearing one of her old dresses, she reminded him of the girl he married six years before.  Looking at her now, one would never know that behind that broad, open smile lie a broken heart.  A heart that was broken because of him.  He was tempted to abandon his original plan and just take Jeremy for the day but knew he had to start somewhere.  Might as well be today because the longer he put it off, the harder it would be.  He tried to remember what he and Dwight had talked about.  Ross thought it too simple, but Dwight assured him it was the best way to start this courtship of Demelza.   He reached into his pocket and felt for the stiff piece of parchment, fingering the edge again.  This was the one thing he was not sure about; how would she react to his attempt at expressing his feelings?  He wasn’t sure he could take her laughing at him if she thought it funny so he had to think of how he was going to give it to her. Ross was so unsure about this he was tempted to crumple this piece of paper up and toss it aside as he did the other versions. He was just about to do that when he saw Demelza walk towards him.

“Ross, I wasn’t expecting you today. Is everything alright?”

_There was nothing special about her_ , Ross thought, _except that she was beautiful_.  He was besotted with her and for a moment forgot why he was there.

“Yes, everything is fine in the ordinary sense.  I was wondering if you might have time to take a walk with me,” he said.  His voice was unsteady, the words coming out haltingly.

Demelza looked at him with a raised eyebrow, confused at his request. 

“Beg pardon? A walk? I have chores Ross or have you forgotten?” she replied. 

Ross did not ‘take walks’ she thought.  Ross strode, ran, even marched but he didn’t walk.  What was he about?  Demelza was at a loss to answer him.

“Demelza, you said I had to prove my sincerity to you about how I felt and what I wanted. So I thought I’d take you walking.  Isn’t that what couples do when they are courting?”

She still was surprised at his suggestion but found it amusing that he would begin his penance with such a simple gesture.

“Or are you hesitant because you think you need a chaperone?” he teased.

Demelza moved closer to him and stared him straight in the eye.

“I think I can handle myself with you, Captain Poldark.  But I’m not sure I can leave Jeremy.  He’s had a little cough and I’m waiting for Dwight to come see him,” she said. 

There was a tone of regret in her voice and Ross was about to acquiesce but he didn’t want to let her off the hook so easily.

“Demelza, I’m only asking that you take a walk with me.  We won’t go far and I’m sure Prudie can send for us when Dwight comes if we’re needed.”

She thought about his rationale and found she couldn’t find an argument strong enough to not go with him.  Demelza gave him a slight smile before turning to go back into the house.  Ross stayed outside going into the garden to see what Demelza had been doing.  Reaching the lilac bush, he remembered what his father wrote his mother about the plant and why it was here.  This gave him an idea about what to do with Demelza on this walk.   Ross finally felt like he was on the right track now and he was anxious to get going.  He was about to head into the house to get Demelza when she appeared.  She had taken scarf out so her hair was loose and falling in waves around her.  She looked lovely and Ross forgot for a second that she was his wife and the mother of his children. She looked like a young village girl, which considering her age, she was, and that made him feel old.  He realized that when he had taken her that night, she was merely a child in years but definitely a woman in every other way.  The memory of that came flooding back and his body was quick to react.  Needing to gain control of himself he took a few deep breaths and willed his mind back to the present.  _Hopefully, we will be able to revisit that passion_ , he thought.

Demelza came to join him by the lilac bush.  She took a spot next to him, careful to keep a bit of distance between them, however, the proximity was still such that they could feel the electricity that continued to radiate from each of them.  Ross turned to look at her and then back at the tree.

“My father gave this plant to my mother for a wedding anniversary.  I was about six and remember her planting it.  I thought it smelled like sweet perfume and didn’t like it much as a child,” he offered.

“You never told me that Ross,” Demelza said softly.

“I didn’t know it myself actually.  I only recently found out.”

Curious, Demelza turned to look at him. 

“How?” she asked.

“Letters.”

“Letters?”

She shook her head still not understanding. Ross could see she had questions so he attempted to answer without giving up too much of himself.  He turned his attention away from Demelza and towards the object of their discussion while he explained.

“Yes.  It seems my father wrote my mother letters during their marriage which Aunt Agatha just gave me.  One of them was about this lilac bush.”

Demelza was touched; not only by the story but by Ross’s reaction to telling it.  He never seemed to get sentimental over anything so this display was a pleasant surprise. 

“One of them? Are there more?” she inquired gently.

“A few.  This one was special because it made me realize why, when you started to tend to this plant and bring in cuttings, they affected me so,” he said.

“Why, Ross?”  Demelza had to fight the urge to reach out and take his hand but she was not ready to make the first overture for any kind of physical contact.

“I realized that the scent of them filling the house reminded me of my mother,” he said, a slight crack in his voice.

With that Demelza did reach over and take his hand, giving it a squeeze.  Ross didn’t dare look at her or their linked hands but kept staring at the purple buds of the lilac bush, while he returned the gesture. Seeking to lighten the mood, Ross digressed to the reason for his visit.

“Enough of this.  Come, let’s take a walk. I think the sea air will do me good,” he said.

“Have things been that bad for you Ross?” she said teasingly because of course, she knew the answer.

He appreciated her attempt at some humor considering he didn’t give her much to joke about in the past few weeks.  In keeping with that mood, replied,” You might say that.  Or perhaps I’ve gotten a little too friendly with a bottle of rum,” he said.

“I see. And you were concerned about my fondness for port? Seems we both have used other methods to forget,” she said.

“It seems so.  Shall we?” he said, as he stepped aside to let her pass first. 

Demelza gave him a slight curtsey and began to walk towards the ocean.  The path was familiar and comforting putting Demelza at ease. It would be the first time in a long while she walked for the sheer pleasure of it. In recent days, she found herself wandering the fields and paths around Nampara, mostly to avoid her new found admirers but it also found her thinking about everything that had transpired between her and Ross; her and the other men; even her and Elizabeth.  The last relationship the most complicated of them all.  She had thought when she first married Ross that Elizabeth was genuine in her outpouring of friendship.  Now Demelza wondered if it was all a ruse so that she could stay close to Ross and spy on their marriage.  She felt a fool for not voicing her feelings to Ross, most especially after Francis died but was sure Ross would have thought her silly for having those fears.  Unfortunately, recent events proved her right. The knot that had tied itself inside her a fortnight ago and that was slowly starting to unravel now began to tighten again. 

 “You’re thinking Demelza,” Ross said.  “What about?  You seem so far away.”

She slowed her pace so that he could catch up to her.  Once by her side, they stood still, each in their own bubble, taking in the surroundings. They had reached the edge of the first part of Nampara land where the hay and cornflowers grew, both a reminder of the past and the event that led them here in the first place.  Demelza was tempted to crouch down and take a seat amongst the knee-high growth but decided instead to keep walking.  If she didn’t, the sentiments associated with this flora would overpower her resolve and she’d break down, releasing a flood of emotions she wasn’t sure she could reign in.  Taking a breath, she turned to face him and answer his question.

“I’m actually not far away at all Ross.  I’m right here, but maybe a few years in the past,” she said quietly.

“I think I know now,” he replied.

Tilting her head, Demelza’s look challenged him to reveal what he thought.

“Do you?  Then tell me?” she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

“You really think I’d forget the day you first came in with a handful of cornflowers?” Ross responded. His eyes were soft and the grin he gave her was not joking but warm.

“Ross?  You remember that?”

Demelza was genuinely surprised at this. She was certain the only thing he remembered from that day was that Elizabeth visited, cool and lovely in her blue riding habit.  She had come in with sprigs of grass in her hair, disheveled as if she had just risen from bed; which was almost the truth. The memory of that day also came back to Demelza, as clear as if it was yesterday and now a smirk crossed her lips.

“I see you remember it as well,” Ross said.

“Yes.”  Her voice was low, almost embarrassed.

“Demelza, everything about that day and the night before is fresh in my memory.  I’ll never forget the way you looked when you came into the parlor that morning.  You were bright and full of life and I couldn’t look at you because…” he halted because he wasn’t sure how to relate what he wanted to say.

“Because you were ashamed of what had happened?  Or humiliated that you lowered your standards to sleep with your kitchen maid?”

Her tone was bitterer than she intended and she regretted it immediately.

“Far from it, Demelza,” he said. 

He took the initiative to take her hands in his while he finished what he wanted to say.

“You always think you know what my thoughts are but this time you are wrong. Yes, I was slightly embarrassed but not because of you but because of me.  I had no right to take you that night under those circumstances.  You had never been with a man and I, in my self-loathing and rage against everyone, took advantage of your innocence for my own pleasure and comfort.”

Demelza wanted to stop him and correct his version of that night but he went on.

“Mostly I was embarrassed because I wanted you again.  Right then and there you were so lovely. When you walked into the room, I saw you as you were the night before, open, honest and giving me all of yourself.”

“Ross you will make me cry,” she said her voice full of emotion. “I thought you were regretting what happened.  Especially since Elizabeth was there.”

“Oh, my love. The only thing I regretted _was_ the fact that Elizabeth was there.  I wish she hadn’t shown up so that I could talk to you and take you back to my bed.  You were already a part of me Demelza.”

It was his voice now that was cracking with emotion a fact which Demelza couldn’t ignore but she also couldn’t let it affect her to the point of forgetting what he’d done.  Like being doused with cold water, Demelza remembered that it was Elizabeth who, even then, had infiltrated their lives. If Ross was to be believed, the morning after their first night together he wanted to continue and if not for the presence of Elizabeth, that might have happened. 

“Ross, those are all sweet words but we both know that Elizabeth was still uppermost in your mind and heart at the time. And it seems, she still is,” she said flatly.

“Demelza, I won’t deny that. We have discussed Elizabeth’s part in our lives far too often and there is no need to revisit that.  However, what I was trying to say was that I wish I had the chance to talk to you then about what happened between us. And to apologize for treating you selfishly.”

She saw he was sincere and wanted to add her thoughts as well.

“I’m would enjoy not having to talk about Elizabeth anymore. Can we make a promise? At least for the rest of today?” she asked.

“Anything,” Ross said.  He felt encouraged by her willingness to keep the conversation going.

“Can we not mention her name?  I would like for one day to not think about or hear the name, Elizabeth.  In all our years together, not a day has gone by that she wasn’t there in some way.  Like a shadow that no matter where the light moves, still blankets the area.  Just for today.  Is that possible?”

Ross smiled at her analogy and realized how much Demelza had grown and changed.  Her strength and determination were exciting, almost an aphrodisiac.  For once Ross was ready to yield the power in this relationship to his wife. And considering his need to control had negative results, perhaps her way would be better.

“Yes, Demelza it’s possible.”

She smiled brightly before offering her opinion on the subject of their first night together.

“I do have to correct you on one thing, Ross.  You didn’t take anything from me that night that I didn’t willingly want to give.  After that first kiss, I didn’t want to go to sleep or leave you.  I wanted you.  I had wanted you for months but being just a kitchen maid, had no right to feel that way.  When you kissed me I thought, hoped, that maybe you wanted me too so I had no problem coming to your bedroom and offering myself to you. I knew what I was doing, and knew that it would change things.”

Demelza felt out of breath after letting all that out but she also felt a sense of relief.  They had not spoken about that night in all these years.  It was just something that happened which led to a chain of events which became their life.  Ross moved to speak but Demelza shook her head and went on.

“What I didn’t expect was that you would marry me.  I thought I’d be like every other scullery maid to a gentleman.  I’d work for you during the day and if you wanted companionship at night you would call for me.  I was prepared to accept that because I loved you,” she said.

Now he did have to speak because all she said was the same as he felt except for one key thing.

“My love, now I wish more than ever that I had gotten rid of---her---that day and forced you to stay.  By the time I came back you were gone.  Why Demelza? Why did you leave that day? I know what you said when I found you but it was something more,” Ross said.

“I couldn’t stay where I wasn’t wanted.  I thought you regretted what happened and could not stay and work for you and have you look at me with pity. So I left.”

“I’m so glad I found you that day.  I don’t know what I would have done if I was too late.  I knew what I was going to do as soon as had a moment to think.  I knew I wanted to marry you.”

She raised her eyebrow skeptically.

“You mean you had to marry me, don’t you Ross? “

“No Demelza. I wanted to marry you,” he corrected.

“But you didn’t love me, did you?” she said sadly.

“No, I didn’t.  Not in the way I should have.  Not in the way I do now,” he confessed. 

He saw her face drop and quickly added, “but I loved you enough to want you to be my wife.  I told you that Christmas I thought it was to avoid loneliness and gossip but those were excuses.  I wanted to be with you then.  I want to be with you now,” he said.

Demelza had tears in her eyes but refused to let them fall.  Ross’s words were much of what she wanted to hear during their years of marriage.  His speaking them now was appreciated but was it too late?

“Ross please, don’t do this,” she begged.

“Don’t do what?  Tell you how I felt all those years ago?  I should have done it then but I was still in a fog that surrounded me since I’d come back from war.  Plus I don’t think you would have believed me then,” he said.

“Why should I believe you now?” she challenged.

“Because I have nothing to lose by being honest.  We’re already separated because of what I’ve done so telling you what’s in my heart may not change your mind about us, but I need you to know it.”

She was surprised at his insight into their situation and could not deny that all he said made sense. Demelza still couldn’t let that sway her into submission.  Not yet. Ross still had to earn her love and more importantly her trust.

“Thank you for saying all that.  I have thought through the years that it was just a sense of obligation that led you to marry me and that you had no feelings for me at all.  It’s good to know I was wrong,” she said.

“Well, we have made progress.  Usually, you are right and I am wrong,” he teased.

“Don’t let that go to your head.  Shall we keep walking?  I don’t see any sign of Prudie so Dwight must not have arrived or Jeremy is fine.  And I’m enjoying being alone for a bit,” she said as she moved on.

“Alone?”

“You know what I meant,” she said warmly.

Ross gave her a grin, his eyes wrinkling in the process and they continued through the field towards the cliff edge.  Demelza paused and bent to pick some wildflowers as Ross continued down a path that led to the beach.  From her vantage point, she saw him below her and was transported back to another morning when he had returned from a night out and went swimming.  Demelza felt a flush come over her body at the memory of that image; her master, naked in the sea, his hair normally curly and wild, now dank and appearing longer than she realized.  All she had wanted to do was to join him.

“Demelza!” he called from below.  “What are you doing up there? Come down.”

She nodded and then followed the path he took. Her footing was not as sure as his as her shoes did not have a grip on them.  As she reached the bottom, she slipped and cried out.

“Judas!”

Ross turned from the edge of the shore and ran to her just as she was about to tumble.  He reached out and grasped her arm pulling her towards him.  Demelza fell against his chest, the flowers falling to the ground, peppering the rock and sand with their yellow buds.

“Demelza are you alright?”

He pulled her away from his body to look at her, needing to confirm she wasn’t hurt. Both of them were winded, panting so that their breaths mingled. The temptation to move towards each other was great but Ross knew that this was a test of his own will to not act impulsively. So as much as he wanted to kiss her, he moved her away from him to steadier ground and let go.

Demelza was not expecting that but was pleased that Ross knew that now was not the time to do anything more.

“Yes, Ross I’m fine.  I’m embarrassed more than anything.  Come let’s keep walking.”  

Neither of them realized where they had walked to until they looked around to see that it was also the same cove where the pilchards had come in.  That was the night Ross realized he was falling in love with his wife.  A smile broke his face that Demelza quickly saw.

“What are you smiling about now?” she asked.

“A memory.”

“It seems we are both guilty of that today,” Demelza said.

“Yes.”

 Ross could not say more for he had opened up so much already Demelza would think he was elaborating for her benefit only.

“What are you thinking of Ross?” she said.

Ross hesitated because the conversations they’d had today had already entered territories he was unfamiliar with.  He’d never shared his feelings like this with anyone, not even his wife.  Now as they continued to peel back the layers of themselves, Ross saw another side of Demelza. He began to see the woman she’d become, not as a wife or mother. He saw the depth of her emotions for him and the way their relationship developed and by doing so came to see that her love for him is what has allowed him to love her back.  Demelza recognized that he had the capacity to love another more than he did himself.  All these years, she stood quietly on the sidelines, loving him, making a home for him, giving him children while he just took it all as a right, not a privilege.  It wasn’t until he almost threw it away that he admitted, to himself at least, that their marriage had been one-sided.  Nor did he see that his wife had put up with so much simply because she loved him. That is until this one last event where she’d had enough.

“Demelza, I don’t know how to do this,” Ross stated.

He turned away from her to look at the sea when he felt a hand on his shoulder.  Demelza gently coaxed him to pivot back towards her. She bent her head so that she could look into his eyes.

“Do what Ross?” 

Her tone was soft, without any hint of anger that had been evident over the past weeks. Demelza herself was surprised at the change but this new side of Ross was also one she hadn’t seen from her husband before. 

“I don’t know how to tell you what’s inside me without sounding like either a schoolboy or blathering idiot.”

Demelza was taken with his insecurity because in all the years she’d known him, Ross was never one to doubt himself.  No matter what the decision was, he was confident it was the right one. At least for him.

“Ross, there is nothing you could say that would make me think you were an idiot.  Often the things you do make me think that about you, but not what you say.  At least not today.  And who knows? Perhaps something I say will make you feel that I’m the idiot.”

“That my love is not possible.  I’ve said it before.  You are the wiser of the two of us,” Ross confirmed.

“Maybe now that I’m older. But in the early days of my being here, I’m not so sure.  So please, what did you want to say?”

“You first,” he challenged.

Demelza felt a blush come upon her but if she was pushing him to reveal secrets and thoughts, she had to do the same.

“Promise you won’t laugh,” she asked.

“What could you tell me that would make me laugh,” Ross said.

“Alright.  One morning, after I’d been here awhile I was up on that cliff picking flowers when I saw you.” 

She paused, fearful of providing details of that day.

“Yes? What exactly did you see Demelza?” 

He smirked at her as he watched for her response.

“Well, it was after the ball you took Verity to.  Do you remember?”

Demelza hoped he would so that she wouldn’t have to confess that she spied her then master swimming naked in the sea.  She watched his face as he realized exactly what morning she was talking about.  Now he was blushing because he was embarrassed that Demelza might have figured out about his actions of the night before with Margaret. 

“I do remember.  Quite well as a matter of fact.  So you saw me, did you?  And?”

Not able to look at her husband, Demelza turned towards the sea to finish her retelling of that day.

“And what?  That was when you were with Margaret, wasn’t it? I wish I had known that. ‘Twould have made my meeting her at Sir Hugh’s party less awkward,” she said. 

“Don’t change the subject Demelza.  What did you think when you saw me?”

“In truth, I don’t know.  I wasn’t embarrassed like I should have been, I know that.  I also know that something inside me changed. The way I felt about you.  I think I saw you as a man and not my master.  I knew then that I never wanted to leave.  And it wasn’t because I saw you naked.  Because after that you bought me that cloak, do you remember? No one had ever bought me anything before. I thought that maybe you liked me finally and didn’t just feel sorry for me,” she said.

Ross gazed at his wife and saw such openness he knew that he could share just as she did.

“I never felt sorry for you Demelza. I only wanted to help you. Please know that. And I was beginning to have other feelings for you too but at the time was not prepared to do anything about it.  Then when we shared that night, I couldn’t deny that what I felt was more than just friendship or even physical attraction.  I just couldn’t call it love,” he said.

Ross saw the opportunity to share more about his feelings for his wife. 

“Do you remember the night the pilchards came in?” he asked.

“Yes of course.  The village was relieved that there would be food for the winter.  Why do you ask?”

Taking a breath he decided to just speak and let the words come.  He kept his head down, not quite sure he could look at her while he spoke.

“That night of the pilchards was the first time since I’d been back from the war that I felt truly happy.  Not just content but happy.”

He glanced at Demelza and realized he needed to explain.

“Up until that night, even though we were married and shared many things, I still had not allowed myself to be happy.  For whatever reason, during that night, where we were both knee deep in pilchards and amongst the villagers, something opened up in me.  And I came to see that I had fallen in love with you.”

Ross paused and waited for a reaction. What he got was not what he expected.  He thought that telling his wife he had fallen in love with her after they’d been married for six months might be disappointing.  Instead, he was the recipient of a warm smile.

“And I thought you just liked me,” Demelza said.

“Just a little, Demelza.”

Exchanging smiles, Demelza let him take her hand as they walked back to Nampara.  For the first time in all their marriage, there was camaraderie between them. They were on an even level, both of them sharing thoughts and feelings that perhaps should have been spoken years ago.  As they reached their land, Demelza turned to Ross.

“Thank you.  I have a lovely time Ross,” she said. Her demeanor was back to guarded as she pulled her hand out of his, but she was clearly happier.

“You’re welcome. I hope we can do this again soon.  Can I come in and say goodbye to Jeremy?” he asked not presuming anything.

“Of course,” she replied as she led the way into the house.

Ross felt in his pocket for the parchment deciding that he was going to leave it for her to read.  He couldn’t just hand it to her.  Entering the parlor he looked around for the best place to put it and saw that she had a fresh vase of flowers on the table.  He discreetly slipped the parchment under it and waited for her to return. 

“Papa!” Jeremy cried as he ran to him.  Ross lifted him up giving him a tight hug.  _This is what I want_ , he thought.

“I just came to say goodbye but I will be back tomorrow if your Mama says it’s alright,” Ross said.

Demelza looked at both of them and nodded.

“Yes.  Please come back tomorrow,” she said

“Very well then.”    

Ross pulled Jeremy close and whispered in his ear. 

“Now I have to go but I have a secret for you.”  

He told him about the paper he left for Demelza. The boy smiled and nodded.

Having no idea what was going on between the two of them Demelza moved to go back to the kitchen. She was in the hall when Ross put Jeremy down so he could say his farewells to his wife.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Yes, Ross.”

Demelza was about to say something else when Jeremy came toddling out to tug on his mother’s skirt.  Crouching down she let her son pull her face towards his.

“Papa said he left you a present,” he whispered.

Demelza looked up at Ross with a raised eyebrow and waited for him to say something.

“It’s nothing.  Open it after I leave.  I’ll see you tomorrow then,” he said hastily as he walked out the door.

She watched him go then let Jeremy lead her back into the parlor. Demelza looked around the room but saw nothing in the way of a present until Jeremy pointed to the table.  She went to see what it was and as she picked up the parchment she heard what sounded like a horse approaching. She prayed it was not McNeil coming back and she hoped that whoever was coming to see her did not pass Ross on the way.  The last thing she wanted after such a progressive day was to rile up her husband. They were starting to build a relationship again and she needed no confrontations to take them back a step.   Demelza was just opening the paper to scan the words when Prudie came to the door.

“George Warleggan to see you, mistress.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those hoping to have found Ross a little more tender in the opening of S3, maybe this will suffice.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demelza has a visitor or two. And finally, begins to believe Ross's remorse and love

Demelza re-folded the piece of paper and stuffed it in the pocket of her dress, her fingers lingering on the parchment.  She was brushing down her skirts and patting her hair trying to put it back in place when George Warleggan entered. Demelza looked up and put her best smile on.

“George, what brings you here?” Demelza asked sweetly as she curtsied.

“Mistress Demelza, I was just passing this way and thought I’d stop by and see how you were.  And to see if you enjoyed my last gift,” George said.   

He walked past her, towards the settle, taking a seat as though he belonged there.  Demelza watched his movements, amused at George’s attempt to establish himself as a master of the house, knowing it would never come to pass.  She let him get comfortable even though all Demelza wanted was for him to leave so she could read the note Ross left her.  However, she was curious about George’s surprise visit and needed to retain his interest so that she could keep him on her good side and off Ross’s.

“Would you like some refreshment?” she asked.

She went to the breakfront and pulled out two glasses and the bottle of port.

“That would be lovely,” he replied.

Demelza turned her back to her guest and poured two glasses of the liquor.  Placing the bottle back in the cabinet, she returned to where George was seated and handed him a glass.  Taking a place opposite him, she demurely sipped her drink and kept her eyes downcast.  A moment or two passed before Demelza felt the need to break the silence and find out just exactly what George’s intentions were. Originally Demelza had courted George’s attention to make Ross jealous.  Her hope was that if Ross saw other men were interested in her he would stop assuming she was waiting around, pining for him.  Didn’t he understand that she was not his precious Elizabeth standing by a window waiting for men to call?  Didn’t he know that she wasn’t going to wait for him just to find out he didn’t want her?   It seemed however as though Ross had gotten the message that Demelza was not to be taken for granted; this was evidenced by his courting of her that very day.  Funny enough, she didn’t find George Warleggan totally unpleasant. If not for the fact that Demelza knew he was usually out for his own good, she could have found him charming.  She wondered how Ross would feel about that.   She was also intrigued as to why George was still so intent on getting Elizabeth as a wife when it seemed the feelings were not reciprocated. Being a naturally blunt person, Demelza opened up the conversation herself.

“George, what is your real reason for these visits?  Surely with your proposal to Elizabeth, you have gotten the best of Ross,” Demelza started.

George glanced across the way at his hostess and gave her a smile.  Putting his glass down on the table next to him, he sat back and answered. 

“Mistress Demelza, ever since I saw you at Werry House, I’ve come to see you in a different light.  I find you fascinating,” he said.

“Indeed.”

Demelza was wary of his compliments knowing what George has felt and said about her in the past. Why would he be pursuing her so intently now?  She knew she started this game but thought her lack of response to his overtures would have dissuaded him. Demelza said nothing more but let him continue.

“Yes.  It’s clear why Ross was taken with you,” George said with a slight smirk.

“Your flattery is most appreciated but I am surprised you’re here and not at Trenwith,” Demelza said as she took another sip of port.

“With Ross there, I’m not sure my presence is needed. Tell me why did he leave you to take up residence there?”

George sat back, crossed his legs and listened to her explanation. 

“I’m sure you know of Ross’s sense of obligation.  He felt he could best serve Francis’ estate in person rather than from a distance,” Demelza replied.

 She was nonplussed by his line of questioning, finding herself more self-assured than in the past.

“I see.  Well, whatever noble thing Ross thought he was doing, it has put a cloud over my proposed engagement to Elizabeth,” he said.

“I’m sorry to hear that. However, I don’t see why you shouldn’t keep your connection with Elizabeth as it was.  Ross’s presence should have nothing to do with your impending wedding.”

Now Demelza trod lightly because she was unsure what George might know of Ross’s visit to Trenwith and the events of a fortnight ago.  The last thing she wanted was to reveal such a transgression to Ross’s enemy giving him more ammunition against him, not to mention give him fodder for more gossip about her. George nodded in agreement.

“As far as I know and believe, you should be correct. Ross should have no influence over Elizabeth’s decision to marry me. Although for some reason she finds she cannot disconnect herself from him.”

Demelza gave a wry smile, understanding exactly what George was saying. 

“Yes, I’ve seen that myself,” Demelza replied.  She paused before asking George something she’d been curious about for a long time. 

 “Since you are here George, I find I must ask a question you never answered when Ross was on trial. Why do you hate him so?”

Her guest took another sip of his drink, thinking before responding.

“I believe you’re mistaken about that Demelza.”

Flashing another smile, Demelza said, “Am I? Seeing as now we are becoming friends perhaps you can enlighten me.”

George waited, his gaze never leaving hers, impressed at her gumption.  He could see why Ross was taken with this miner’s daughter. She had tenacity and backbone which would make a life together quite interesting, not to mention what she could be like in bed.  A vision of this lithe, redheaded woman, sprawled on his sheets, lying beneath him as he took her sent a current to his loins forcing him to readjust his position on the settle. 

His movements were not lost on Demelza who lowered her gaze, finding interest in a loose thread on her skirt.  Pulling gently, she was able to remove it and twirl it into a knot between her fingers, when she remembered the paper in her pocket.  She touched it briefly, anxious to read whatever it was that Ross had left her. 

“I’m glad you see our growing relationship in such a positive way, Demelza,” he said, drawing out the pronunciation of her name.  “As for hating Ross it’s not him that I find disagreeable but his sense of entitlement that has him thumbing his nose at conventions that the rest of us strive to follow.”

“George,” she said, making sure to put just the right amount of femininity in her voice.  “You’ve known Ross longer than I.  You should know that he is driven by what he thinks is right not what is expected of him.” 

“True. As must be the case where Elizabeth is concerned is it not?”

Demelza stood up and walked back to the breakfront, debating about having another glass of port. Thinking the better of it because she wanted to keep her wits about her, she decided not to and turned back to George.

“I would rather not discuss that with you George but since you mention it, I believe that part of the blame for that situation needs to be put on Elizabeth.  I’ve watched her longing and lingering looks towards my husband for years. I’m sure you’ve seen it too, even well before Francis passed.”

“To a degree, yes I have.  I paid no mind to it as I knew in the end, I would win her affections.”

Demelza was impressed with his cockiness where Elizabeth was concerned.  It became clear to her that he knew nothing about Ross’s night with Elizabeth which allowed Demelza to breathe a silent sigh of relief.

“And have you?” she asked.

“Have I what? George countered.

“Won her affections?”

“I believe so.”

“Then why are you here George? What do you want from me?” Demelza’s question was genuine. Why was he still here?

“Just as you said, friendship,” he said. 

George rose from the settle and walked to where she stood. “Unless of course you could be persuaded to share more of yourself with me.”

Even though she shouldn’t have been, Demelza was still shocked at his presumptions.

“I'm married, George. Have you forgotten?”

“From what I can see Ross has thrown that away and neither of you seems eager to regain it.  Come now, Demelza, I’m sure there is some sort of arrangement we can agree on.”

He took it upon himself to grasp her hand, gently rubbing the back of it with his thumb. Demelza immediately pulled away as it reminded her of a gesture that was symbolic of her and Ross.  Moving around him, she took a seat at the dining table, her fingers playing with the petals that fell from the bouquet in the pitcher.

“How do you think Elizabeth would take to this?” she asked. 

Demelza dare not look at him because she was a bit disconcerted by his forwardness.  It reminded her of the night at Werry house when she fought off Captain McNeil and she did not need a repeat of that.

“Elizabeth knows the ways of our society.  Often married men have mistresses. I would delight in having you fulfill that position for me.”

His double meaning was not lost on Demelza. She might be a simple miner’s daughter as Ross once accused her of, but she knew when a man was making inappropriate suggestions.

“I am no one’s mistress George, except my own.  So you are mistaken to think that I would fulfill any _position_ you offered. “

 “But isn’t that how you married Ross?”

She was getting angry in addition to being insulted by his offer.  If Ross were here she was sure he’d have thrown him out by now.  But he was not and it was up to her to defuse this situation.

“Some people might think that but it would not be the truth,” she said shortly.

“I see. Then accept my apology for my inaccurate information.”

“Apology accepted.  Now, what more can I do for you? I have much to attend to so that things keep running smoothly in Ross’s absence.”

“You are a most resourceful woman, Demelza.  I still do not understand why Ross left,” George offered clearly perplexed at the reason for the Poldark’s separation.

“I told you.  Ross felt he would better be able to fulfill his obligation to Francis by living at Trenwith.  At least for the time being.” 

He came towards her picking up her hand and tried to kiss it. Demelza allowed a brief touch to her skin but gently pulled away as George continued. 

“Somehow I believe there is more to Ross’s sudden residence at Trenwith than just familial obligation.  I’m sure it’s something to do with Elizabeth’s acceptance of my proposal.” 

He was smug, confident that he knew why Ross had left Nampara for Trenwith, which again made Demelza uneasy.  Yet she couldn’t deny that he was right; Elizabeth, as was often the case, was the motivation for Ross’s reckless decisions.

“Then perhaps you should ask Elizabeth for the answer you seek. She seems to be the reason for so much interest between my husband and yourself.” 

“She’s not as interesting as you are, my dear,” George said, oozing charm.  

“George I do say you have a way with words.  Now pray pardon me,” she as she rose to walk out of the room.  “Jeremy has not been feeling well and I need to see to him.  Besides, Ross might stop by unannounced so I think it best that you are not here if he arrives.  I don’t wish to have my son witness a brawl between you two.”

George was surprised at her quick turnaround of emotions and Demelza could see it. She had tired of this conversation and just wanted some time alone.  He could tell she was dismissing him so he gathered his hat and gloves and joined her at the doorway.

“You don’t give me much credit, Demelza.  I can control my feelings for Ross if need be.  I can’t say he’d do the same.  Perhaps you neglect the fact that the animosity lies on his side as well. If not more so.” 

“This is true.  So why taunt it as if poking a bee hive?  Why not let things alone?  Marry Elizabeth and move on,” she advised.

He slowly put on his gloves while he spoke, the Warleggan smirk in full force. 

“Because it’s entertaining for me to see him at odds when he can’t control a situation.”

“Are you saying you’re marrying Elizabeth just to spite Ross? “she asked.

George looked directly at her and replied without a moment’s hesitation.

“To a certain extent.  I love Elizabeth but part of my attraction for her is the fact that others want her as well.  Not the least of who is your husband.”

Demelza’s back stiffened at this comment because a part of her felt the same way. She was still sure that Ross wanted Elizabeth to remain his in some way.  She couldn’t deny that nor could she confirm it for George. What George said about wanting Elizabeth because others did is exactly what she was trying to get out of Ross.  Perhaps the reason these two men were always at odds was not that they were different, but because they were alike. _Wouldn’t Ross like to hear her theory on that?_ she thought.

“I see,” she said coolly.  “That seems to be a common occurrence.” 

Demelza led the way to the front door, her eyes catching a glimpse of Prudie watching from the kitchen. Ignoring the servant’s nosiness, she proceeded to open the door, letting in some fresh air. The house suddenly felt stifling.  George looked out at the land of Nampara, as he spoke.

“Yes. So you see Ross and I are similar in that regards. We don’t want the other to win.  Which is why I came today Demelza.”

“Pardon me?”

“Demelza, we both know that Ross was less than pleased with my proposal to Elizabeth and that is most likely why he’s taken such an interest in Trenwith. Not a duty to Francis.”

“Is that so?”

“Don’t you see we can help each other?  My courting you, so to speak, will definitely divert Ross’s attention from my fiancée to you, don’t you agree?”

“Actually George, at one time I would have said yes to that, but I don’t believe that I will need to avail myself of your assistance.”

George looked at her in surprise. He was sure that was the reason Demelza Poldark had been so flirtatious at Werry House and so receptive to his overtures. What had changed in the past few weeks?

“I see.  And here I thought you were anxious to move on from Ross to someone more able to take care of you.”

“I believe you have me confused with your fiancée, Elizabeth,” she said.

She saw that George was taken aback by her forthrightness and decided to go on, in the hopes it would spur him to leave.

“Perhaps George, you can now go to Elizabeth and set a wedding date.  That would help me as well as you.”

 “I’m sure it would Demelza.  I know that I have what Elizabeth needs. She’ll come around as soon as I present the logistics of our marriage.”

“George do you ever do something just out of the goodness of your heart. Or is everything a deal to be won?”

“I do have a heart.  It just tends to be less important than the kill.”   

“Well, I don’t know how a woman could resist that kind of proposal for a life together.  I suggest you go back to Trenwith and see if you can get your heart’s desire. From what I hear she’s open to suggestions.”

“I believe I would rather wait until Ross is no longer on the premises?”

“Haven’t you heard?  I’m surprised your spies haven’t informed you of the latest news,” Demelza said.  She enjoyed being the one to drop information in George’s lap for once.

“What news might that be, Demelza?”   He seemed to like saying her name and the more he recited it, the more she wanted him to leave.

“Why that Ross is no longer at Trenwith.  I believe he left about a week ago.  I hear he tired of…the atmosphere…of Trenwith.”

She saw George’s interest awaken at this news. 

“So you see, George, you might have a chance to redeem her and mend her broken heart.  Again, if I were you, I’d take the opportunity.  I’m sure she’s a better bet than me,” Demelza said as she walked outside to where his horse was tied, indicating the visit was over.

George followed her, placing his hat on his head as he walked to and mounted his horse.

“This has been a most enlightening afternoon Demelza.  I hope that we might meet again sometime,” George said.

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, George. I’m not sure Ross would like having you come to his house on a regular basis.  Nor would Elizabeth,” Demelza suggested.

“Frankly, I’m not one to worry about what Ross thinks. You should know that by now.”

“But perhaps you should. From knowing him for so long and from past experience, I can tell you that Ross doesn’t take kindly to you sullying his property, George.”

With that Demelza curtsied quickly and turned to return to the house, leaving George there to ponder her last comment.   Not wanting to run the risk of meeting Ross, George led his horse off Nampara land towards Trenwith.  He needed to talk to Elizabeth and find out exactly what their circumstances were at the moment.  As he rode down the path he passed a carriage heading for the house he just left.  Glancing quickly at it, George thought he recognized the passenger and was surprised at who it was. Why would this person be going to Nampara?  His curiosity was piqued but not enough to stop him from his task.

****~~~~****

Demelza shut the door and leaned against it, grateful for a few minutes of peace before Jeremy was expected to wake.  Taking advantage of the quiet, she went into the parlor, poured another glass of port and sat down on the settle.  She reached into her pocket she pulled out the note that Ross had left her and stared at it.  Placing the glass on the table next to her, she held the parchment in her both her hands, her fingers grazing the edges.  She saw that she was shaking and didn’t know why.  Ross had never written her anything in all the years they’d been together so she assumed that this was something important that needed to be put on paper rather than spoken.  If she had gotten this a few weeks ago she would have been sure that it was a goodbye letter stating he had made a mistake in marrying her and that he was going to Elizabeth permanently.  After today, she wasn’t sure what this could possibly say.

With slow moving fingers she broke the seal and unfolded the paper.  She scanned the words and started to weep quietly.  Not quite believing what she was reading, she read it again, this time breaking out into a smile thinking that Ross, her silent, inexpressive husband, had put these words down on paper for her.  It was more than any gift he had given her.  Demelza wiped her eyes and sat still trying to put this letter into the context of the day. What he had said was essentially an admission of what he’d done and a confession of his feelings for her. She wondered how long he had struggled to write this for she knew it had to be difficult for him to verbalize his emotions.  No matter, because this one slip of paper opened her heart and mind just a bit more towards reconciliation.  Demelza wouldn’t go so far as to call it forgiveness for the betrayal was such that she might not ever be able to forgive or forget. She could, however, move past it because now, she believed there was something worth fighting for.  Apparently, Ross felt the same.  Part of her wanted to seek him out; to thank him for this and talk about what it meant.  On the other hand, it was still too soon even though the day they spent together was lovely and a sign of what could be between them. 

Folding the paper up, she put it back in her pocket and prepared to check on Jeremy when Prudie came in.

“Mistress there be another visitor,” she said, slightly breathless.

Demelza was confused because she couldn’t imagine who else would come to call.  McNeil was given a graceful goodbye, George had just left and Ross was not expected back today.  Perhaps her husband changed his mind and wanted to see if she’d gotten his note.  She perked up at that idea, realizing that she actually was looking forward to seeing Ross again.  She moved towards the door to meet him when she was greeted by a small woman in black.

“Aunt Agatha?”

Her surprise at the old woman’s appearance was perceptible.  She had not come to Nampara in all the years Demelza had been there, so her calling now must have some significance.

“Don’t look so shocked. I’m not dead yet.  Contrary to what others might wish of me.”

Agatha’s voice was gravelly but strong.  She used her walking stick to prod Demelza out of the way as she entered the parlor, taking a seat by the fire.  Demelza just stood there, trying to determine what Ross’s oldest relative could possibly want with her. She obviously knows that Ross was not there so she couldn’t imagine why his aunt came to see her.

“Are you going to stand there gawping all afternoon?  I’m not getting any younger, child.  Here, fetch me a port and come sit by me.” 

Agatha tapped her cane on the floor to make her point so Demelza went to do as Ross’s aunt bid.  She poured a glass for Agatha but nothing for her then went to join the older woman by the fire.  Handing the glass to her, Demelza sat down next to Agatha as she was told. She waited as she drank her port then put the glass on the table beside the settle.

“So, Ross’s little bud, I know that my nephew has done something idiotic,” she started. 

Demelza sat back; suddenly uncomfortable at the thought that Ross’s aunt knew what had happened. Then again why should she be surprised since she did live in Trenwith and most likely knew more about its comings and goings than anyone else? Demelza always got the impression that Agatha’s “dotage” was more an act to put people off than anything else. In reality, she was sure the eldest Poldark had all her wits about her and then some.  Probably more than the younger generation of the family.

“I’m not quite sure what you mean, Agatha,” Demelza said. 

She was trying desperately to stay calm and not give up that she was embarrassed by the fact that someone other than the immediate participants in that folly might know the truth.

“Come girl.  Give me some credit.  I know what happened ‘twixt my nephew and that cat. ‘Tis not something Ross should be proud of.”

Agatha held out her hand and placed it over Demelza’s which sat in her lap.  She had been idly rubbing her wedding band when Agatha stopped her.

“Nor should it be spoken about.  So have no fear for I will not share what happened with anyone. It will come with me to the grave,” she assured Demelza.

Demelza kept her head down and said softly, “Thank you.  I didn’t think anyone else knew….but, of course, you were there so…I’m sorry.  I’d rather not...” 

Feeling tears come to her eyes, Demelza didn’t dare look at her visitor.  Agatha, on the other hand, had other ideas and moved to have Demelza look at her.  Putting a wrinkled finger under the young woman’s chin, she tilted it towards her so she could look directly at her face.

“My dear, I can only imagine what my nephew’s actions have put you through and no doubt you wish to impart some sort of revenge on him.  But is courting the likes of George Warleggan the best way to go about that?”

Demelza had never been able to speak about this issue before and to have someone who knew what happened, that she could discuss it with was refreshing.  Also, it came as such a surprise that she wasn’t quite sure how to handle it.  How did Ross’s aunt know so much?

“I don’t mean to sound impertinent but how what do you know about George Warleggan? Or even Ross for that matter?  Has he said something to you?”

She was curious now about how much Ross has discussed their personal lives with his aunt.  Not that it should matter but she knew that the older woman was not keen on their marriage originally so wouldn’t she be more inclined to Ross leaving her to go back to Elizabeth?  Demelza was confused now and needed to clear this up before going any further in the conversation. 

“Ross has said nothing. Yet that does not mean I haven’t given him a piece of my mind about this.  His actions were foolish and immature.  However, they are done and cannot be undone,” she stated bluntly.

“Yes,” Demelza agreed.

“That doesn’t mean that one mistake should lead to several more.  I already scolded him on his moving into Trenwith to be with that woman, and I see that he’s come to some sort of sense about that.  Where has he gone?  Clearly, he knew not  to move back home, yet.”

So Ross hadn’t told anyone where he went after leaving Trenwith. She wondered why.

“Ross is staying with Dr. Enys,” Demelza said.

“Probably for the best.  Give him time to think about what he’s done,” the old woman snorted as she held out the glass for a refill.  

Demelza rose and brought the decanter to where they sat.  She got the feeling it would be easier than carrying glasses back and forth.

“Forgive me but I’m still not quite sure why you’re here Agatha.”

“To knock some sense into you the way I did that nephew of mine.  Demelza, you must know that he loves you very much. And whatever passed between him and Elizabeth... I can’t even excuse it.  Ross knows what a mistake that was. Unfortunately, he couldn’t stop himself or admit the error sooner so now you are both playing games with each other.  What good will that do?”

Agatha’s statement was sincere and made sense.  Demelza knew it but she was not ready to let him off the hook so quickly.  The poem in her pocket and the day they spent together certainly was a help but not a solution. 

“Agatha, I know that Ross says he loves me but he hasn’t shown it for a long time.  What he did with Elizabeth, his admission that I wasn’t even a passing thought that night and then his return to her does not instill confidence that the love he has for me is greater than his feelings for her.”

“Oh, don’t be a fool, child!  You must know by now that the Poldark men are not always the most clever when it comes to handling matters of the heart.  They feel deeply and long but do not always relay that to the people they love.”

Demelza could not deny that. She realized that Agatha had a good interpretation of Ross.  Maybe she could help her to understand.

“That’s true.  Up until today, Ross had barely spoken to me of his true emotions,” Demelza said.

“What happened today?  Did my nephew see you with the strutting peacock and put an end to your nonsense?” Agatha asked.

She took offense to that comment. 

“My nonsense?  Ross was the one that started this by his antics with Elizabeth!  If anyone should be accused of nonsense, it should be him!”

Demelza came across as short and she didn’t mean to. She liked Ross’s aunt but was tired of it appearing that excuses were automatically made where he was concerned.

“Demelza, there’s no denying what he’s done.  But taking up with the likes of George Warleggan will not do either of you any good.  Do you have feelings for that man?”

“No, of course not.”

“I take it you still love my nephew?” Agatha asked with a twinkle in her eye.

Demelza hesitated before answering not wanting to admit what was obvious.

“Yes.”

“So tell me how long it will take for the two of you to come to your senses?  You know I already told Ross that he should not take for granted that you will be around.  That he should treat you as he had….but that’s neither here nor there.” Agatha took another sip of her port before continuing. “What did Ross do today that has you re-thinking your situation?” 

Demelza wasn’t sure if she should show Agatha Ross’s letter what harm could it do?  She reached into her pocket and pulled out the parchment, handing it to the older woman. 

“What’s this?” Agatha asked.

“Something Ross left for me today after our walk.  I couldn’t believe he would write such a thing.  Has he ever done something like this before?”

Agatha looked at her nephew’s wife and knew what she was really asking. She wanted to know if Ross had ever expressed his feelings to Elizabeth this way.  She took the paper and held it up at an angle so she could read it.  As she came to the end of the poem, Agatha smiled and without a word handed it back to Demelza.

“So it seems my nephew has taken his head out of the sand and listened to his old aunt,” Agatha said as she finished her port.

Demelza took the paper back and held it, not putting it away just yet.

“What do you mean?  Did you help him write this?” She was upset that if Ross hadn’t written this himself the feelings in it were false.

“Not at all! You should give him more credit Demelza.  What I might have done was show Ross what letters like this could mean to a wife.”

Once again confused, Demelza waited for Agatha to explain.

“I didn’t help him write this actual letter to you Demelza. I did show him similar letters his father wrote his mother.  I’m sure that’s where he got the idea.  You must know that Joshua had a reputation of being a less than nobleman, however when it came to Ross’s mother…Let’s just say that I’ve never seen a man love a woman more.  Until I saw how Ross loves you.”

Demelza had no words.  Instead, she looked down at the note in her hands and realized that what was written in it were Ross’s true feelings.  Perhaps he truly did regret his actions and while the hurt was still fresh and real, for both of them, a healing could happen.  They just needed time to come back to the love they had before.

“Agatha, I don’t know what to say. He did mention something about those letters when he explained where the lilac bush came from.  Now I understand. Thank you for telling me this. It explains a lot,” Demelza said. 

She took the old woman’s hands in hers as she spoke.

“I know Ross has said that he regrets the mistake of that night but until this note, I didn’t really believe it.”

“Believe it bud.  I saw how miserable he was those days he was at Trenwith.  He doesn’t belong there. He belongs here. With you and your child.”

“I want to believe that.  I just need to know that Elizabeth will not come between us again.”

“I doubt she will.  Unless your dalliance with George Warleggan goes further than flirting,” Agatha warned.

“Truly,  I don’t know if Ross was even paying attention to George’s overtures.  He seemed more concerned about another man’s attentions towards me,” Demelza admitted.

“And you liked that, didn’t you?” Agatha was amused at Demelza’s ploys.  She’s certainly seemed to learn the ways of their class.

“I did,“ Demelza said with a smile. “It was nice to think that my husband, whose head was easily turned by some other woman’s flirting, could be affected by his wife being admired.”

“I’m sure.  Have you considered what may happen if George Warleggan doesn’t go away quietly?”

“Agatha, I have taken care of George and all the other suitors.  Today actually I sent George back to Elizabeth.  He made me a proposition that I believe is better suited to her.  Hopefully, she will accept,” Demelza said.

“Really? Well, George doesn’t usually go away quietly. I hope you’re prepared for anything else he stirs up.  You know he hates to lose,” Agatha reminded her.

“He lost nothing because he never had it. Nor would he ever,” Demelza reiterated.

“Hopefully you can make Ross see it that way.”

Agatha was worried that these two young people, in an attempt to get the truth out of each other, were playing with fire that could rage out of control and make it impossible to contain, and thereby permanently destroying what they already have.

“If Ross truly loves me and knows who I am, there should be no issue,” she said.

“Logically you’re right Demelza.” It was the first time Agatha used her name. “But we also know that my nephew does not always go the logical route.”

Demelza took a moment to look at Agatha as the women shared an unspoken truth.  Ross rarely used logic when it came to matters of the heart.  

“I know, Aunt.” 

A new closeness formed between these women in Ross’s life.  Sprung from an unfortunate situation, it was clear that they both wanted the same thing which was a resolution with Ross coming home.

“So we are clear. Give him a chance to redeem himself Demelza. He is lost without you,” Agatha said as she started to rise from the settle.

“I want to, truly I do. I am afraid that if I make it easy for him, Ross will assume he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants.” 

They had started walking to the door, with Agatha holding on to Demelza’s arm. 

“Ross is headstrong and stubborn.  However, he will not repeat something when it’s been a mistake.  If anything he will do the complete opposite.  So I don’t think you have any worries where that woman is concerned,” Agatha said.

“Are you sure?”

“I am.  Take my word for it.  I saw firsthand how mismatched they were. They would never have worked no matter the circumstances.  You’re the match for him, bud.”

Demelza opened the door for the older woman and escorted her to the carriage.  Once she was seated, Agatha gave Demelza some parting words.

“Demelza, I know the wrong which Ross did to you will not easily be repaired.  But you have a child and have made a life together.  And Ross, as misguided as he seems, was trying to do the right thing for everyone by coming back to Trenwith.  Believe me, it was not for Elizabeth. It was for Francis and Geoffrey Charles.  Even you and your son.  What Ross needs to learn is that his own family should come first because if his own house is not in order, then nothing else will work.” 

She touched Demelza’s cheek and gave her a smile.  For her part, Demelza curtsied and murmured “Thank you.”

With a parting smile, Agatha told the driver to go. As Demelza watched the carriage pull away down the path towards Trenwith, her hand again went to the piece of paper in her pocket. Pulling it out, she read it once again, this time letting a tear fall and drop on the parchment.  If these were truly Ross’s sentiments, if this was truly where his heart and head were, then there was hope for them.  Demelza looked up at the setting sun and for the first time in weeks, felt as though the light was rising for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience while I worked through this chapter. I blame the delay on trying to get into a character's head and Season 3 distractions.  
> Hope the wait was worth it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confrontations, confessions, and conciliation. Demelza and Elizabeth; Ross and Dwight. Finally, Demelza and Ross.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Parts of this were inspired by this Tweet: https://twitter.com/PowerofPoldark/status/871757847750725632
> 
> And yes my version of Jeremy speaks.

 “Mama, mama,” Jeremy called as he ran into the house. “There’s a lady on a horse coming.”

Demelza was in the parlor, looking through some of Ross’s old shirts to see if they could be salvaged or remade into something more practical.  Her son bounding into the room startled her, causing her to drop the fabric in her hand.

“Jeremy, why are you shouting like that? That is not how gentlefolk behave, young man,” she scolded gently.

The little boy came to his mother’s side and clamored to get up on her lap.

“I’m sorry Mama, but there is a lady coming,” he explained.  His breath was coming in gasps due to his excitement. 

His mother was confused by what he was saying so she strained to look out the window to find out what he might be talking about.  Seeing nothing, Demelza moved Jeremy off her lap and went to the front door, which he had left open. There on the edge of the yard, was indeed a woman on a horse. Elizabeth.

“What in the world could she want?” Demelza said to herself. 

Unprepared for company, certainly not this person, she called for Prudie.  There was no way she was leaving Jeremy in the area for this meeting.

“Prudie!”

The servant came running from the kitchen, wiping her hands on an apron.

“You called Mistress?” she asked.

“Yes.  Please take Master Jeremy to the kitchen with you and put a kettle on. Seems we are about to have a visitor,” Demelza said nodding slightly to the outdoors.

Prudie moved closer to the open door and caught a glimpse of who was approached.

“Judas! What do she want?”

Looking down at Prudie, Demelza answered.

“I truly don’t know. But I could guess.  Go and I’ll let you know if I need any help,” Demelza said with a smile.

“I’m sure you can handle her maid,” Prudie said.  “Come Master Jeremy with Prudie. We’ll see about getting you a biscuit.”

Gathering the child in her arms from where he stood in the doorway, Prudie hustled back to the kitchen as Demelza awaited the arrival of her guest.  Smoothing her skirt, she straightened her back and took a deep breath in preparation for the greeting.  Demelza should not be surprised at Elizabeth’s visit especially since her last encounter with George.  She imagined that he had gone back to Elizabeth to share the details of that.  That was almost a week ago so she wondered what took her so long to come out and confront her.  Demelza was ready for whatever Elizabeth had to tell her and she was sure that most of the conversation would revolve around Ross’s moving in and out of Trenwith.  Which, if Demelza was honest with herself, she was also curious about.  She had heard Ross’s side of the story and thought much of it was him relating to her what she wanted to hear.  However, she wasn’t sure she was ready to hear from Elizabeth the details of that night with her husband.  That strong she wasn’t.  It had taken these weeks slowly passing to erase that visual from her head.   What she _was_ ready to hear was what Elizabeth planned next. Ross has made it clear that he wanted no part of Elizabeth. What did his first love want?  Perhaps she’d admit that the letter was just bait to lure Ross to her side.  And if that was the case, would it lessen the blame she’d pinned on Ross or make it worse because he couldn’t distinguish a lie from the truth where this woman was concerned?

There was no time to continue this thought process as Elizabeth was suddenly at her gate.  She waited for her to dismount and tie up her horse before greeting her.

“Elizabeth. This is a surprise.  To what do I owe this visit?”

Demelza put on her best lady of the manor demeanor as she stared at this woman who invaded her life with little to no effort.  She could see the look of disdain on the other woman’s face, having to come to this less than stately home.  Demelza wondered if Elizabeth realized that if she had married Ross, this would be her life.  Looking regal in her blue riding habit, very reminiscent of a morning years ago, Elizabeth walked past Demelza directly into the house.

“I thought it was time you and I had a chat, Demelza,” Elizabeth said as she paused in the hallway for Demelza to join her.

Seeing that she was being summoned, Demelza joined her guest and led her into the parlor. 

“Please,” she said, indicating to Elizabeth that she should take a seat.

As Elizabeth went to sit down she gave a passing glance at the pile of clothing on the table and almost seemed to turn her now up at it. Demelza smirked behind her back as her guest took a place on the settle near the fire.  Elizabeth sat with her hands in her lap, her back straight, her face blank of emotion.

“Would you like some tea?” Demelza asked.

“No. Thank you,” the other woman replied. “Actually Demelza, I came to speak to Ross. Can you tell him I’m here?”

Demelza stopped a minute before sitting opposite her guest.  Did she hear Elizabeth correctly?

“Ross isn’t here Elizabeth,” Demelza answered.

“Is he at the mine?  I really need to discuss things with him Demelza. Can you send word?” Elizabeth said, getting impatient.

“I could but I’m not sure he’s there either.” Demelza was perplexed at Elizabeth’s lack of knowledge where Ross was concerned. “Elizabeth, don’t you know?”

“Know what Demelza?  I don’t have time to play games so if there is something going on that you think I should know, please tell me,” she said.

Demelza was shocked that Ross hadn’t bothered to share with Elizabeth exactly where he was and what he was up to. 

“Elizabeth, Ross is staying with Dwight Enys.  He has not moved back to Nampara,” Demelza advised.

Elizabeth was at a loss. She was sure that the reason Ross left her was to come back to this.  Now she wondered why he hadn’t.

“I don’t understand.  He said he was leaving Trenwith to return home.  Naturally, I thought that was Nampara. Why is he with Dr. Enys?” 

Elizabeth seemed to be getting agitated and silently Demelza was enjoying her discomfort.  It gave her a small bit of satisfaction that Ross had not shared his plans with this woman. 

“Because I wouldn’t let him come home Elizabeth.  After his antics with you, I wasn’t going to just forget and forgive,” Demelza said.

“So you turned him away?” Elizabeth asked

“Yes,” Demelza says.  “I’ve found that I’m worth more than just a few sweet words.”

“Don’t you love him anymore?” Elizabeth asked.

“That’s none of your concern,” Demelza said.

“Is it because he stopped my marriage to George?” Elizabeth challenged.

“No,” Demelza said, “You did that.  I believe you could have stopped the marriage at any time.  Or even turned down George’s proposal. But you didn’t; you wanted to see Ross’s reaction; to see if he still wanted you.  What I’m surprised about is how fast he decided he didn’t.  And why you didn’t start chasing him again. Didn’t getting him in your bed fulfill your fantasy?”

Demelza’s tone was not harsh but firm and matter of fact. She surprised herself that there was no bitterness in her words.

“No,” Elizabeth said.  Seeing Demelza’s stunned expressing, she continued. “It didn’t mean anything more to me than seeing what might have been and then not really wanting it.”

Demelza is now shocked. Was Ross telling the truth when he related almost the exact same thing? Did Elizabeth not want him?   Before she asked that question, Demelza rose, in sudden need of a glass of port for some of that Dutch courage Ross often teased her about.  Walking to the old cupboard, she pulled out the decanter and dispensed a glass. With her back to Elizabeth, Demelza took a healthy sip, letting it warm her as she turned around to face her rival.

“Elizabeth,” she began.  “Can you explain what you meant by that?  I thought, for all the years I’ve been here and known both you and Ross, that the one thing you wanted was my husband.  Are you saying that now that you’ve had him, you’re casting him aside?”

Demelza strode back to where Elizabeth was seated and resumed her place opposite her. 

“In a way, yes.” Elizabeth’s answer was cool, with no emotion whatsoever. 

Demelza could say nothing. She was dumbstruck as well as secretly pleased because this confession meant that Ross had been telling her the truth.  He and Elizabeth shared nothing more than a past.  Their encounter, if one could call it that, was an exorcism of sorts, just as he had told her.  A part of her heart immediately seemed to mend at the knowledge that her husband was honest with her.  Another step, she thought, towards Ross Poldark redeeming himself.  Demelza was lost in that notion when she heard Elizabeth speak.

“Frankly, Demelza I don’t see what you would find remotely attractive about a husband who behaved…well let’s just say that such animalistic tendencies are not what I expected in a relationship nor do I want to experience it again.  But I suppose, coming from where you did, a husband taking a wife in such a fashion was commonplace. Was it not?  You were probably used to such things,” she said, her eyes never leaving Demelza’s as her hands lay daintily on her lap.

“Actually Elizabeth, I do not need to know the details of your time with my husband.  As for how Ross treats me, at least I can say that for all the years we’ve been married, before your sorry attempt at stealing him, he never had the desire to leave our bed or my side.  So perhaps the fault lies not with Ross, but with you.  Otherwise, why would Francis have sought the comfort of Margaret in Truro?”

Demelza took a sip of her port as she averted her eyes under the guise of gazing at the fire.  It took all her willpower not to give her a defiant smile as she did Ruth Treneglos all those years ago at Christmas.  And while she still felt the sting of what Ross and this woman shared, it felt less acute because of the fact that it was a failure in all ways.

Elizabeth stared at the woman whom Ross chose, astonished at her brazen attitude.  She had no idea where this was coming from or what prompted it. Elizabeth had hoped her visit here would offer some answers as to what Ross’s plans were so that she herself could determine what direction her life was going in.

“I see that my visit here will accomplish nothing,” she said as she stood up, smoothing her skirt. 

Demelza followed suit, placing her glass on the table next to her, moving a little slower than normal. 

“What did you expect to accomplish, Elizabeth?  Ross clearly has chosen to handle the affairs of Trenwith in another way that does not include you,” Demelza stated.

Taken aback, Elizabeth started to cross the room to leave but before reaching the door, Demelza needed to know one more thing.  However, she was stopped when Elizabeth swung around to look at Demelza again, this time her eyes wide and blazing.  Now she looked like the woman Demelza knew lurked behind the sweet façade Ross, Francis and George fawned over.

“Tell me something else, Demelza. The last time I saw Ross he mentioned something about George coming to visit you.  Is this true?”

Elizabeth took a step towards Demelza, who didn’t move.

“Yes. Again, not that it’s any of your business,” Demelza said but was interrupted.

“It is my business. George is my fiancé!”

“If you must know, George and I became better acquainted at Sir Hugh’s party.  He visited a few times but I haven’t seen him since last week.  Have you?”

“No!  But I can’t believe he would take up with the likes of you.  Being that you’re nothing but a trull.”

She spit the words out at Demelza who refused to flinch at such an outburst.  Feeling confident as well as anxious to be rid of this person so she could find Ross to discuss this meeting, she asked her question from before.

“Elizabeth?  So are you going to marry George? Seeing as how your original plan was disrupted with that letter, and George seemed less than thrilled with Ross’s presence at Trenwith I was wondering if you set your sights on someone else. Was that why you were coming to speak to Ross?”

Demelza waited for a response as she saw Elizabeth’s face drop.  She supposed that the mention of both Ross and George pulling away from her was cruel, but after all this woman had put her through in the years she’d been at Nampara, Demelza had no qualms about returning the favor.

“I told you I have not spoken to George in a week,” Elizabeth admitted.

“Oh, that must be the last time I saw him.  Then he said he still had plans to marry you because he had what you needed.”

Curious as to what her fiancée could have said to this woman, she asked for clarification.

“What do you mean by that? George said he had what I needed?” Elizabeth asked.  Her voice was small as she realized that she was slowly losing this battle.

“Well, I don’t think he was talking in the romantic sense.  But something more tangible.  Money, status, power. I’m sure that is more your type of relationship Elizabeth.  Isn’t it?”

Taking a deep breath, Elizabeth said nothing. Instead, she decided she had enough and moved to walk out when Demelza jumped forward and caught her arm, pulling her around to face her.

“Listen, Elizabeth, it doesn’t matter to me whether you marry George or not. What does matter is that you, once and for all, stay out of my life! And stay out of Ross’s.  He has made the choice to not be with you.  As he did once before.  Perhaps it’s time you accept it.  It will save all of us a lot of heartache.”

Shaking Demelza off her, Elizabeth pulled away. Not one to let someone else get the last word, she had one more parting shot for Ross’s wife.

“I will. But remember this Demelza.  I was and always will be Ross’s first love,” she said with a smug grin.

Demelza was not flustered by this for she calmly replied, “Yes, just as you should remember, Elizabeth, that I will always be this last and true love.”

Not having any more to say, Elizabeth flounced out of the parlor, Demelza on her heels making sure she left.  Without a look back, Elizabeth mounted her horse and, gave the poor animal a severe kick to his side and spurred him back towards Trenwith.  Once she was out of eyesight, Demelza leaned against the stone wall and thought about what had just occurred.  And about what she had just said to Elizabeth.  She knew it wasn’t just a reaction to the other woman but the truth as her heart told her.  She knew what she was to Ross.  Now she hoped he would do as he promised and show her.

****~~~~****

Ross was at Dwight’s going over mine figures when the doctor entered.  The two men had been living together without any turmoil as both of them dealt with their own issues with women. Where Ross’s was more complicated, Dwight’s was fairly simple.  He had fallen in love with a young heiress who, on the surface, was the epitome of shallow society.  Yet the longer someone knew Caroline Penvenen, the more enamored they became of her. Ross was one of those people as was Demelza.  She, of course, a believer in true love being able to conquer all, encouraged the pair towards their current status of being engaged.  The young lovers were anxious to marry, however, the death of Caroline’s uncle would delay the kind of wedding she was expected to have so, for now, they met when they could, as discreetly as possible. They didn’t want to stir up gossip or rumor and considering Dwight’s past, this was not negotiable. 

“How’s Caroline?” Ross asked without lifting his head from his work.

Dwight smiled at the mention of his fiancée’s name but wondered how Ross knew he had seen her.

“What makes you think I’ve seen Caroline?”

Dwight moved around the room to pour himself a glass of rum before rejoining Ross at the table.

“Haven’t you?” Ross teased.

“Yes. But how did you know?”

“Call it a guess.  Or perhaps it was your unending grin and flushed countenance.”

Sighing in resignation at being caught, Dwight sat down and took a gulp of his drink.

“I suppose I can’t hide it anymore,” he confessed.

“Why would you want to do?  You love her don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Then there is no reason to be ashamed,” Ross offered.

“So what about you and Demelza?”

Ross looked up finally at his friend.

“What of us?  I haven’t seen her in few days because of the mine but when last we met, it seemed that things were slowly coming together,” Ross explained.

Dwight said nothing at first as it seemed that Ross was optimistic that his relationship with Demelza would soon be rectified.  Clearly, he hadn’t heard the rumors about George Warleggan paying court.  Silence hung in the room, making Ross keenly aware that something was on his friend’s mind.

“What is it, Dwight?  Is something wrong?”

Gulping down his drink, Dwight knew that honesty was the only way to handle Ross.

“I only ask because I saw someone leaving Nampara about a week or so ago that surprised me.”

Ross was now paying attention to his friend.  Demelza had told him that Malcolm McNeil was no longer welcome at the house and Hugh Bodrugan was just a nuisance. So who could have been sniffing around her again? Dwight saw his friend trying to determine who it could have been so to avoid a guessing game, came right out and told him.

“I saw George Warleggan riding off,” he said quickly.

“Really?” Ross said without much emotion.

“Yes.  You don’t seem surprised,” Dwight said.

“I’m not really.  I knew that after the ball at Werry house, George was interested in Demelza.  I saw the gifts.  Is it any wonder that someone like George would be interested in a beautiful woman?  Especially my wife?  It’s just one more way for him to try and beat me at something.”

Dwight was shocked at his friend’s very calm reaction to the news that his arch enemy was chasing after someone else he loved.

“Well, that’s not quite what I expected you to say, Ross. But I’m glad of it.  So you and Demelza have discussed George’s visits?”

Now Ross was more in tune with his words.

“Visits? You mean there has been more than one?” Ross asked.

Now Dwight wondered if he said too much. 

“I thought you knew. I only know what I saw a few days ago and that was George riding away as I was on my way to check on Jeremy,” Dwight said.

Ross remembered now. That had to be the same day they took their walk. The day that they had made such progress in their relationship.

“I remember now.  I haven’t seen Demelza since so I had no idea what happened after I left her,” Ross said as he got up and walked around the room to get another drink. 

“I swear if that man has done anything to my wife, I will not be responsible for my actions. And what kind of game is Demelza playing at? I know she has more common sense than to let that gamecock strut around her looking for something.”

He was visibly agitated and gulped down his drink without taking a breath.  Pacing around the table, Ross tried to think of what he should do next.  He ran his hands through his hair and closed his eyes, the mere thought of George Warleggan in his house, with his wife and son sent his blood boiling.  But he knew that what he wanted to do, which was rip him to pieces would be exactly what Demelza would not want him to do.  It would, however, give him a great deal of satisfaction but this is not about his feelings.  This was about Demelza and why she would get close to George. Ross needed to talk to her. Grabbing his coat, he headed for the door but was stopped by Dwight.

“Ross, do you think it’s a good thing to go and talk to Demelza when you’re this angry?”

Ross stood by the door, listening to his friend.

“Calm down first and then go speak to Demelza about it.  For what it’s worth and what I’ve heard, he has not been around since.”

Turning around he came back to the table and sat down.

“How do you know that?” Ross asked.

“I have my sources,” Dwight said.

Ross knew there was more to that.

“If you must know Prudie told me,” he confessed.

“Of course. She would know everything,” Ross said.

With that knowledge, he decided there would be time enough to go and speak to Demelza about this nonsense.

“Yes. So I don’t think you have anything to worry about.  Now can we change the subject?”

Glancing over at Dwight, Ross waited to find out what he had in mind.

“You know Caroline and I are engaged to be married,” he started.

“Yes.”

“With her uncle gone we were going to wait for a respectable about of time to marry but we find we can’t wait any longer. So….”

Dwight paused as he gathered his thoughts.

“We’re getting married in a week,” he blurted out.

Ross was stunned but no less happy.  He knew that Dwight loved Caroline.  It seemed the perfect progression for them. 

“That’s tremendous.  How did you arrange it so soon?”

Dwight smiled. “That was Caroline’s doing.  And I was told to not ask any questions.  I was charged with one thing,” he said.

“What’s that?” Ross asked

“Making sure you and Demelza can act as witnesses for us.”

A grin crossed Ross’s face as he poured one more drink for both of them.

“I can’t speak for Demelza--it’s one of the conditions of our reconciliation—but I’m honored to be a witness,” Ross said lifting a glass in a toast.

Dwight returned the gesture before drinking down the liquid.

“Actually, I already spoke to Demelza on my way home. She said the same thing as you,” Dwight said.

“I had no doubt.”

“In truth Ross, it’s the example of your marriage that prompted Caroline and me to push the date up.”

“Us?  I don’t know if we are any kind of example for couples, Dwight,” Ross said with a tinge of sadness.

“On the contrary you most certainly are.  Specifically because despite this rift between you, the fact that you are not giving up and are working towards mending your marriage is noble and something to aspire to.”

Shaking his head at that statement, Ross could not believe that what he and Demelza were going through acted as inspiration for Dwight and Caroline.

“Well, I hope that you and Caroline are more successful in your marriage than Demelza and I have been.”

“Ross, I think that you and Demelza have been quite successful and will be just fine. Just give it some time.”

“I hope so Dwight.  I love her more than I thought I could and I realize it every day that I’m away from her,” Ross said.

“Then, my friend, I think you’ve made great progress,” Dwight said patting Ross on the back.

“Yes. Now I hope that Demelza feels the same way.”

****~~~~****

A week later, the foursome exited the church as two versions of what couples should be. One full of new love, embarking on a new life with the future laid out in front of them. The other, tenuously rediscovering their love with their future still uncertain.  For the moment both were happy and glad to be in the company of the other.  Ross and Demelza got the bride and groom into their carriage, watching as it started on the path to Nampara.  Once on course, he turned to his wife and said, “Let’s take the horses for a run,” he said. 

There was a broad smile on his face as he brought his steed to stand next to hers.

“Ross, we have guests. We can’t just go off and forget them,” she countered.

“Prudie can see to them to start. Besides, I think they will be just as happy with a few minutes alone.  As would I.  Come, let’s go.”

With that, he spurred his horse forward and Demelza followed, determined to not let him win.

“’Tis no use, Ross.  I will surely win,” she said as she passed him on the beach.

They soon were side by side, riding along the shore when Ross reached over to take her hand as the horses slowed to an easy canter.

“Today was lovely, wasn’t it?” she asked.

“Yes, my love.  Perfect.  Thanks to you,” he responded.

“I did nothing Ross.  Caroline made all the arrangements.”

“True.”

He smiled at her and she returned it easily.  There was no shadow or thought of anything at the moment except each other and their friends.  They continued on, coming upon the edge of Nampara land when Ross hopped off his horse and helped Demelza off hers as well.

“Let’s walk them the rest of the way,” he said.

Demelza was surprised at his tone and attitude.  As they strolled at a leisurely pace towards home, Ross decided now was the perfect time to talk to her about George.

“Why don’t you tell me about your visits with George?” he started casually. “Dwight mentioned that he’s been a frequent guest.”

He took her hand as they ambled along the path, careful to not hold her too tight.  Demelza turned to him see if he was angry and was met with an amused smile on his face.

“Twas nothing Ross. George came by to see if I’d gotten his gift and to ask if he could see me again.  I was flattered, naturally.  What woman wouldn’t be when a rich, young man comes calling offering gifts and –other things---and seems so smitten with her?” 

Now Demelza was the one with the amused look but she felt Ross’s hand tense as it held hers so she knew he hit a nerve.

“What kind of other things, Demelza?”  Ross worked hard to control himself.

“Oh, the usual when the woman is married.  He wanted me as his mistress,” she stated flatly.

Ross stopped in this tracks and looked at his wife.

“He what?”

“I really don’t want to repeat it.  Are you jealous?” Demelza asked.

Seeing that she seemed to be teasing he calmed down enough to tell her what he was feeling.

“Do you have to ask? I thought McNeil was bad but George? What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking it was nice to get attention from someone who never had a kind word for me.”

“Really?”

“And I was also thinking that if I could keep George interested he would leave you alone. And I could steer him back to her.”

Ross had to smirk at the sarcastic tone of her voice with the reference to Elizabeth.

“Did it work?”

“Well let’s just say when Elizabeth came to see me I updated her on what was going on as well as directed her back to George.”

“And what exactly is going on?”

Demelza paused before continuing. She suddenly wondered if she went too far in her handling of Elizabeth. After a moment’s consideration, she decided she hadn’t. 

“I told her that you were not interested in her. Oh, and she also told me that she wasn’t all that impressed with that night either.”

Ross was not expecting this information from his wife and wasn’t quite sure what to make of it.  Especially the part about his night at Trenwith. He was surprised that the topic came up among the women but more surprised at Demelza’s seemingly bored tone about it. Opening his mouth to speak he was halted when Demelza turned towards him and continued.

“I suppose you were telling me the truth about what happened and how you felt about her.”

“Yes,” Ross confirmed.

“I don’t want to know the specifics but I have to admit I’m glad.  But perplexed as well,” Demelza said.

“How so?” he asked.

Moving closer to him, Demelza grabbed his lapels. 

“I’ve never known anytime between us that was lacking in any way,” she whispered before she kissed him.

Ross was unprepared for this but quickly responded to her.  The kiss itself was soft but earthy; everything that described Demelza to Ross. He held her about the waist his head tilting to have better access to her lips.  He didn’t realize how much he missed her until this moment.  How could he have thought that someone, anyone, else could make him feel as complete as he did now from just a kiss?   Pulling away, they looked at each other and smiled. Demelza felt warmth for her husband that was dormant for a long time.  But for Ross, the penny dropped.  He realized that what he wanted was not porcelain but earthenware.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the end....there are a few more chapters before we have a fully reconciled Ross and Demelza. But I thought this might tide people over for a bit.
> 
> As always thank you for reading, sharing and commenting.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One step closer to reconciliation. Ross and Demelza find parts of their old selves and talk about the lingering demons in their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nods to Winston and Debbie for tweaking and playing with some of their dialogue.

In the weeks that followed Dwight and Caroline’s wedding, Ross found himself spending more and more time at Nampara.  This happened naturally and without calculated effort. With Dwight moved into Killewarren, the doctor’s cottage was empty and cavernous.  Ross’s footsteps reverberated off the walls, while sleeping became almost impossible without another body in the house.  He missed his wife and his home.  As the days wore on, Ross came to recognize that it was not just his wife’s physical presence that he missed but it was her companionship, her common sense, and her love of life that was sorely absent at Dwight’s.  The situation propelled him to work harder at regaining her love and more importantly, her trust.  He continued to court Demelza as her other admirers had but in a way that expressed how he felt.  There were no fancy gifts but small bouquets of wild flowers.  He didn’t shower her with false praise, but instead admired how she handled their home and their son as well as watch over their farm, even the mine.  He realized in the time that he and Demelza had been living apart how much she was capable of and how much she took upon herself when he was not around.  Demelza was everything and more that Elizabeth was not.  The thought of Elizabeth again wracked him with guilt. Not only because of what he’d done but because of the thoughts he’d had that she could be better for him than the woman he married. 

He and Demelza took on an easy going relationship that was reminiscent of the time when she first came to Nampara; the time before she was his wife and they were just friends.  Ross came to see how in those early days when they shared meals together and discussed the ordinary things of life, he had missed having a true friend. He missed someone who listened but did not judge; someone who understood and yet would tell him the truth if he needed to hear it. Demelza had done that all through their marriage, most especially that night he left her for Trenwith but by then he had come to take her for granted. Her words then fell on his stubborn more than deaf ears as he refused to hear the truth.  Replaying what she said, on and off over the past months, Ross saw how right she was.  If he’d listened, they wouldn’t be in this position now.  Vowing to not dismiss what Demelza thought or felt again, they soon found themselves in the midst of that friendship, rebuilding the basis of their relationship and marriage. 

During these times they spent together there was no Elizabeth or George or Werry House.  There was only Ross Poldark and Demelza. They talked about issues concerning the mine and the farm.  The shared the news of their friends and discussed what they wanted for Jeremy and how they could make improvements to the house.  It was during one of these discussions over supper that talk of the next step in their relationship came up.

“Demelza,” Ross began as he tucked into one of her pies, “we have a little extra income now.  I think it’s time we spend it on things other than necessities.”

He spied her through lowered lids, knowing that she would put herself last on the list of recipients from this windfall.

“I need nothing Ross.  I have all I need and you’ve worked so hard for this, I think you should choose how we spend any of the funds,” she said.  Her tone was warm as she fed Jeremy his dinner, seemingly content in the moment.

“You’ve worked just as hard for this Demelza. And put up with much more to allow me to get to this place.  The earnings are yours as much as mine.  I want you to enjoy them.  Lord knows you deserve it.”

Turning her attention from their son to him, Demelza smiled shyly, glad that Ross acknowledged her part in their relationship.

“Thank you, Ross.  Your saying that means more to me than any one _thing_ you could buy me,” she replied.

This made Ross happy as he hoped it proved to her where his heart and attention lay.  Reaching across the table, he grasped her hand, brought it up to his lips and kissed it.

“You must know by now, Demelza, that you are the most important thing in the world to me. None of this would mean anything without you beside me to share it.”

His gaze never left her face, his eyes focused on hers.  Hazel met sea blue and in those orbs, he found warmth and the essence of a love that was almost lost.  Ross saw the look she used to give him return and hope filled his heart.  They sat in companionable silence for the rest of the meal, occasionally stealing a glance when they thought the other wasn’t looking.  For Demelza, it was a flashback to her days as Ross’s kitchen maid when she would sneak a look at him as he read or ate.  Of course, the day she spied him swimming in the cove was the ultimate act of peeping.  The fact that she revealed that secret to him surprised her but his reaction was, even more of a surprise.  Of late, these small confessions brought them closer as it revealed that each of them was human and that mistakes were part of the growth process both as people and a couple. 

As the meal ended, Jeremy was gradually falling asleep so Demelza moved to put him to bed.

“Let me, Demelza,” Ross offered.  He rose and picked up his son from where he sat.

“Ross, no I can do it,” she argued.

“I know you can my love. But I’m sure you want to clear this away.  I know you don’t like leaving a mess for Prudie,” he said.

It was not lost on either of them that the use of his term of endearment came easily. Neither made mention of it; instead, they just let it pass as if it was a normal part of their conversation.

“You’re right.  I’ll get things started and then will join you both.”

“Fine,” Ross said as he carried the boy in his arms out of the room.

Demelza watched as they retreated, her mind swirling in different directions as she cleared the dishes away and carried them to the kitchen where she found Prudie, dozing in a chair. By right she should have been angry but she was so full of good feelings that she couldn’t be anything but amused. Putting everything down on the table she gently woke the servant, not wanting a startled yell to disturb the house.

“Prudie?” she said as she touched her shoulder.

The woman woke suddenly and looked up at Demelza.

“Mistress!  Lord, I’m sorry I must have fallen asleep. Can I get anything else for you and the Cap’n?”

Prudie struggled to stand, a little wobbly from sleep and probably rum, but Demelza ignored it.

“No Prudie.  Just see these are cleaned and put away. I can manage from here,” Demelza said before exiting the kitchen to join Ross.

Prudie noticed softness in her mistress that had been absent since that awful night and wondered if the master had finally done right by her.  Not wanting to question it because she was eager to go to bed, she did as she was told and retired to her room.  As she passed the parlor on her way upstairs, Prudie heard music.  Peeking in the doorway she saw Demelza sitting at the spinet playing and singing to a tune she hadn’t heard in months.  She stood watching when suddenly she felt something come up behind her.

“Why don’t you just go in and take a seat?  You’ll hear much better that way,” Ross said.

Prudie jumped, her face taking on an immediate blush when she turned and saw her master grinning at her.

“Judas!  I was just leavin’,” she got out as she scrambled around him and up the stairs.

“Mind you’re not too loud. I’ve just gotten Jeremy to bed,” Ross warned.

He watched as she made her way up the stairs before turning his attention back to the parlor.  Demelza seemed oblivious to the encounter as she hadn’t stopped playing or singing while it went on. Ross entered the room, walking towards her until he was standing behind her. There was a temptation to move her hair out of the way and kiss her neck but he knew it was too soon for that. Instead, he moved to sit next to her on a chair and let her play.

“You shouldn’t have scared Prudie like that,” she said without lifting her head or missing beat.

“How did you….” Ross asked.

Demelza turned her head to look at him and he saw the slight smile that told him she knew everything that happened in this house.  Smiling back at her, he took her hand from the keyboard and laced his fingers with hers.

“You’re too clever for me Demelza,” he said.

“Remember that next time you contemplate doing something reckless,” she reminded him.

“Hopefully I’ll have you around to remind me,” Ross said. 

The hint was not subtle and Demelza just shook her head.

“We shall see,” she replied and then went back to playing.

Ross sat quietly as she finished the tune.  He remembered where he heard that before. It was one she played for Julia to quiet her down when she was fussy.  The thought of his lost daughter sobered Ross’s mood which Demelza immediately picked up on.

“What’s the matter?” she asked.

“Nothing. Just that the song reminded me of Julia,” Ross said as he came closer.

“Yes,” Demelza answered. “She’s often come to my mind these past months.  Her illness and passing were the first real breach between us. That was another incident that involved Trenwith which was caused by assumptions and reckless actions.”  She paused before continuing.  “I sometimes wonder you don’t blame me for her death.”

Ross turned away from her, focusing his attention on their hands.  How could he tell her that she was partially right?  Yet if they were going to start afresh, then all issues that had been amassed over the years as a barricade between them needed to be addressed.  This one included.  It was perhaps the most painful thing that they had to deal with before or even after his night at Trenwith. He moved to stand behind her his hands placed lightly on her shoulders.

“I did,” he confessed quietly.

Demelza looked up at him, a sad smile coming to her face.

“So did I,” she said.

She resumed playing, but changed to a different tune; one that was mournful, as she no longer felt the need for conversation.  Her fingers slid over the keys, as Ross watched.  Demelza was so focused on her playing she barely felt his hands on her.

“Demelza, we should talk about this,” Ross said.

“I don’t think there is anything to discuss.  I thought I was doing a good deed and instead I brought home a deadly illness that took our child and almost took me.  It was for that reason that I thought we should make it up with Francis.  The blame for Julia dying was not all theirs.  It was mine as well,” she said as she played.

“Yes. But the rift over Verity….”

“Again.  ‘Twas something of my doing.  I thought I was helping two people who loved each other.  I had no idea how opposed Francis would be. If I had, I might have done things differently.”

Ross glanced at her face and knew that was a lie.

“No, you wouldn’t. If I know you, I think you would have worked harder to get Francis to see that Verity marrying Andrew was the best thing for all concerned.”

She stopped playing at that comment, pivoting her body to look at her husband. He crouched down, taking her hands in his and continued.

“You always said love conquers all. I never used to believe that but now, with our current situation, I think you are right.  And I’m relying on that to help us conquer our own demons.”

“Perhaps it will, Ross.”

Demelza squeezed his hand before resuming her playing.  She needed to keep her attention on the spinet otherwise she would have forgotten why she was mad at him, falling right into his arms. The talk of Julia brought up so many old feelings that ran the gamut from endless hope and joy to deep sadness.  It also reminded Demelza of another reason why she held such resentment towards Elizabeth.  It might seem petty but it had been on her mind since Ross’s indiscretion and even before.  From the time right after Francis’ death one thought kept nagging at her and since Ross seemed open to talking about all of their demons, why not add this to the list.

“Ross?”

Moving back to sit beside her, he gazed at his wife.  He could see her brow furrow indicating that she had something more to say and that it most likely was not going to be pleasant.

“Yes?”

“I know we have discussed your—encounter—with Elizabeth to varying degrees and I surely don’t want to revisit that again.”

“Neither do I,” he said.

“But there is one aspect of this situation which has bothered me and which I believe has tainted my view of her to the point that I can’t forgive.”

Demelza sounded disappointed in herself for harboring these feelings but she was sure that if she shared them with Ross she might finally be able to let go and put everything associated with that night in a box never to be opened again.

“What is it Demelza?”

Ross was genuinely concerned that she was having second thoughts about how far they had come in reconciling.

“I know you said that the night you were with Elizabeth I was not a thought in either of your minds.”

“Demelza we don’t have to discuss this again,” he said trying to stop her.

“Yes, we do.  What I want to know is if she had any thought of me before then? All those months after Francis died, when she was constantly calling on you for help with one thing or another, had she no consideration for me? After all I did to help her when the putrid throat took over Trenwith. That in nursing and saving Geoffrey Charles, I lost our own daughter.  Is she that selfish that she would cast aside thought of anyone else just to get what she wants?  And if she is that sort of person, then please tell me how you could have loved her?  Because if you love someone like that, you surely could never have loved me the same way.”

By the end of her speech, the tears flowed freely, as if they were releasing all the pent up feelings from the night of his betrayal to the present.  Ross said nothing at first, letting her words sink in.  However, he couldn’t sit by and watch her sob without doing something.  Forgetting his self-imposed restraint, he pulled her up from the chair and brought her into his embrace.  Demelza clung to him, her head buried in his chest, her hands clutching his shirt. Ross held her tight in his arms, caressing her back in soothing circular motions. After a few minutes, the crying subsided and Demelza’s breathing came in short gasps.  Ross pulled back to look at her.  For her part, Demelza lifted her chin and stared at her husband.  There were no words needed as a silent statement of understanding passed between them so that without warning, Ross dipped his head down while Demelza lifted hers up bringing their lips to meet.  The kiss started out soft, both of them unsure if this was the right thing to do. But that soon evaporated into a familiar feeling of comfort laced with need.  The passion rose quickly in both of them as hands moved, and mouths melded in an attempt to reach each other.

Demelza’s hands found their way into Ross’s hair, her fingers threading through his errant curls, relishing the texture and feel of them. Her lips in the meantime peppered his face with kisses in quick succession, longing to taste all of her husband.  Ross let her continue until he realized that her actions were out of character for his wife and coming from a place of desperation.  He knew that if he let this play out as it seemed to indicate, all the positive steps they took towards a full and true reconciliation would be lost, putting them back to the place where they started. There was still much to discuss and avoiding the topics by taking each other to bed was not what he wanted.  As much as he desired his wife and his body clearly told him that the desire was strong, he loved her more.  If he made love to Demelza, she would wonder why and seeds of doubt would be planted anew. 

Against his body’s reaction, he pushed Demelza away, much to her surprise. Seeing the confusion in her eyes, Ross took Demelza by the hand and led her to the settle.  He wanted to respond to her statement earlier about how he could love her.

“Ross, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to get so emotional. I suppose that everything over the past few months just became too much,” Demelza said quietly.  She couldn’t look at him, embarrassed by her weakness and overt display of need.

Amused by her shyness when he knew his wife was far from it, Ross lifted her face to look at him.  The blush on her cheeks was even more endearing as her dilated pupils clearly showed the passion from moments ago was still thrumming through her as it was through him.  It would be so easy to play on that emotion and take her to bed, forgetting all the hurt as they lost themselves in each other’s bodies.  But he also knew that they’d regret it after if the issues that divided them were not addressed, handled and settled.  Putting his own desire for her aside, he searched her face hoping she’d see that he felt the same but wanted to do things right this time.

“My love, you have nothing to apologize for.  I was just as much to blame for things getting a little out of control as you were.  I’ve missed you Demelza. All of you and I would like nothing more than to take you upstairs and make love to you,” he said. 

His words were halted as he took in her beautiful face, realizing how much he loved this woman.

“Me too,” she whispered.

“But I won’t. Because we still have some things to discuss and come to an understanding about before we take that step. Don’t you agree?”

His tone was gentle and Demelza had to agree with him.

“Yes Ross,” she said.

They smiled at each other, amazed that they had come so far in their relationship that they were able to tamp down their physical attraction to focus on the emotional part first.

“Then let me say what I need to regarding Elizabeth,” he started.

At the mention of that name, Demelza’s mood sobered up. She straightened her back, ready to hear Ross expound on his everlasting feelings for his first love.  Now she was glad they stopped their little interaction from earlier because he was right.  There was still one large barricade that kept them apart.

“Alright. What is it you need to say about Elizabeth?” she asked. 

She did her best to keep her tone cool, trying not to reveal the fact that her stomach was in knots, afraid of what he might say. Ross knew his wife so well that he could pick up on her withdrawal into herself.

“You asked how, if I loved someone like Elizabeth, I could love you. It’s very simple.  The Elizabeth that I loved is not the same person you have known. She was a lovely young girl, who captured my heart as she did many other young men at the time.  When I left for war, I was sure that I would come back and pick up life where I left it with no change whatsoever.  As it turns out, that was not to be the case.  As you know she became betrothed to Francis and as much as I was gutted at the loss, it slowly became obvious that her choice, whether forced or of her own mind, was the right one.  For I was no longer the same restless young man who left.  War changes a person and what was important before I left was now the least of my interests.”

“But didn’t you still love her even though she was marrying Francis?  Didn’t you love her that night you left me?  Don’t you love her now?” 

Demelza fought to control her feelings but Ross saw through her demeanor.  His beloved wife still needed to hear the words that had been echoing in his heart.

“Yes, in a way.  I loved her and perhaps a small part of me still does but not as I love you.  Never as I love you, Demelza.”

“What is different?  Isn’t love the same no matter who it’s directed towards?”

“Not in the least.  Where Elizabeth is concerned, I love the memory her. The girl I left, not the woman I returned to.  And it’s true that in many ways she is the same.  But I am not the same nor do I wish to be.  I have changed in more ways than I can count.  And that my love, is because of you.”

Ross took Demelza’s hands and brought them to his lips, kissing each finger before letting them drop so he could take her face in his hands and kiss her gently, reverently. When he pulled away he saw her eyes glistening with unshed tears, but smiling at him.

“You,  my love, are the only one who truly holds my heart now and forever.  And if it takes our lifetime together, I will make sure you know this every day,” he said.

“Ross, my dearest heart, thank you for saying that,” she replied.

He looked at her and thought he saw the slightest sense of doubt in her face. 

“You seem unsure of what I just said Demelza. Are you?” he asked.

“Would you be angry if I said I was?”

“Yes.  Because I am telling you the truth.  Would you believe me more if I lied to you?”

Demelza looked at him, expecting to see anger but instead saw he was smiling, clearly teasing her.

“Perhaps.  But for now, I will say…”

She paused as she moved closer to him, her finger tracing his cheek where the remnant of his scar was, her touch light enough to barely be felt, but still sending intense feelings through Ross’s body.

“What will you say Demelza?”

Ross’s breath hitched as heat that came off her body was becoming hard to resist.

“I will say that I prefer the truth to anything else.  And if this is your truth, then my love, I accept it with all my heart.”

She leaned over and kissed him, her lips brushing his with just a hint of her tongue peeking through to graze his mouth.  Not wanting to tempt fate anymore, he gently pushed Demelza away, stopping her before things got out of control again.  He had an idea about how he wanted to bring their reconciliation to a satisfying end.  He just hoped that Demelza would trust him with what he planned and that it all fell into place.

“I’m glad to hear that.  Now I have an idea that I hope you will agree to,” he said.

Demelza sat back, wary of what he was going to say.  She knew they had made great strides tonight but she was not ready to welcome him home.  There was still one small part of her that was afraid that if she let him back into her life fully, he’d assume he was forgiven.  To a degree, he was, but she needed to know that there was no threat of Elizabeth coming between them again.

“Ross, we both agree that we still need a bit more time to come together fully,” she said.

“Yes, my love.  So this is what I propose.  A honeymoon,” he said proudly.

“A what?”

“A honeymoon. We have a little money now and you never properly had a honeymoon when we got married,” he started to explain.

“Well, that was because our marriage wasn’t exactly planned.  Or conventional, was it?” she teased.

“No.  But then again, you are far from conventional my love,” Ross replied, brushing the hair away from her face.

She smiled at his words, knowing they were Ross’s way of complimenting her.

“Thank you.  But a honeymoon? Ross, we don’t have time for something so extravagant,” she countered.

“Yes, we do.  Demelza in all our years together you have never had a chance to just relax.  You are always about some business or another, usually because we are in a crisis of some sort. Now, when we have a little bit of a cushion, I think you are entitled to enjoy yourself. And we need time away. For ourselves. Away from the mine and the farm; Nampara and Trenwith.  Just us.  To be Ross and Demelza again.  What do you say?” 

His argument was very good and Demelza found it hard not to get excited about time away from their everyday life to enjoy some new adventure.

“And where do you propose we have this so-called honeymoon?” she asked.

“London,” he answered quickly.

Demelza’s eyes grew wide. She had expected him to say Bath or Falmouth, but not London.

“Ross, you’re mad.  London? That’s too much. No, we can go somewhere closer. What if Jeremy needs us or if there is trouble at the mine?”

“Demelza, there are plenty of people who can handle the mine. And we can ask Dwight and Caroline to check in on Jeremy.  Please,” he said taking her hands.  His finger rubbed over her wedding ring, reminding her of what it meant to her, to him, to each other.

“Let me do this for you.  For us. We need this time away, Demelza,” Ross said.

It was almost a plea.  Demelza looked down at their hands and then back her Ross’s face.  And couldn’t deny him or her.  If she were honest with herself, she’d admit how much she wanted this too.  The thought to be just Demelza for a little while; to be a woman who Ross loved with no distractions was tempting.  

“Alright, Ross. Take me to London.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to try and get the whole reconciliation done in one chapter but rushing it didn't seem right. So it will come in pieces. Sorry. Hope you will stick around for the end.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honeymoon in London--Pt 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted the honeymoon to be as explorative and restorative as possible with some romance and fun mixed in so this will be continued in the next chapter.  
> And yes these will be a little more explicit than my norm (I hope). It is a honeymoon after all.

It took about a month after their talk but Ross finally got Demelza to London.  The weeks leading up to their departure were filled with tension.  Not because they had second thoughts about the trip but because they had decided to limit the time they spent together before their trip so that it truly would feel like a honeymoon. During Ross’s visits, they kept the touching and kissing to a minimum, very reminiscent of a couple in the midst of a courtship. They used those days and nights to talk. Ross made plans for their time in London and Demelza listened with wide eyes, anxious to see it all.  Their restraint only built up the anticipation of what was to come when they were away from their obligations and real life, to be left alone in a new setting.  Demelza had been nervous about the whole venture until Ross reassured her that is was nothing she couldn’t handle.  He couldn’t wait to show her off and treat her as she should be treated.  Not as a great lady she stated she would never be the night she almost left.  Not even a socialite of the Elizabeth kind but a woman who was real, unique and true. She should be treated as the woman he loves. What they did not talk about was the past; neither actions nor people were accompanying them on this honeymoon.

To that end, Ross insisted on buying her at least one new dress for the trip. Taking a ride to Mme Trelask’s, Ross ordered a simple gown in a beautiful robin’s egg blue. The color was not lost on either of them as resembling the dress from the night that changed everything. Demelza was hesitant to buy what she considered an extravagant gift but Ross told her it was just a dress when she deserved so much more.  That argument was laid to rest once they were on their way.  The trip to London took upwards of a week. During the ride, Demelza would often peer out of the window at the sights they came upon. Ross watched her enthusiasm and felt as excited as his wife. The hardest parts of the trip were the nights they stayed in various inns where the rooms were small and the desire between them was great.  Each night it took an effort and strength of wills on both their parts to lie in the same bed, keeping enough distance between them so that their bodies did not touch.  They knew a brush of a hand or lean against each other would open the flood gates of emotions that neither would be able to control.

By the last day of the trip, that resolve was at its limit so it was no wonder that once they reached their rooms and the door shut behind them, it took one look between them to unleash the passion.  Demelza’s mouth was suddenly dry as she watched Ross’s face change from pleasant to almost animalistic.   It took two strides for him to be on her. His hands went to her hair, not caring that she had tied it up with a newly bought ribbon. She clutched the front of his coat for only a moment before she moved her hands to get him out of it.  He held her head steady as his mouth captured hers, his tongue begging for entrance, the niceties of their social status forgotten.

“Ross,” she managed to say.  “ROSS!”

Demelza repeated his name in the hopes of getting his attention.  Ross’s mouth was sliding down her neck at the second call so he abruptly stopped to see what was wrong.   He was panting, his breath coming out in short gasps landing on her skin, creating gooseflesh.  Demelza clung to him, knowing that if she let go, she might not remain standing.

“What’s the matter?” Ross asked impatiently.

His hands kept moving over her, his body rocking as if trying to keep its own steady course.

“Nothing.  It’s just that…”

She couldn’t put into words what she was feeling. It was a combination of desire, expectation, hesitation and above all, nerves. She and Ross hadn’t been intimate for months.  Not since his return from the trip to find Mark Daniel.  After all these years she felt like it was her first time all over again.  She knew, for the most part, she was being silly but another part of her wondered if Ross would be disappointed in their renewed physical relations.  Not because he didn’t love her; she was surer than ever that he did.  But after being with another woman, despite all he said about it lacking, would he find her as exciting as before?

“Demelza? What is it? You’re making me uneasy,” Ross said pulling back from her just a bit to look at her face.

“I don’t know how to say it without seeming foolish,” she admitted.

She needed to put some space between them and so walked to the bed where she sat down, and slowly removed her traveling coat.  Taking a few deep breaths, she looked up at Ross and held out her hand to him.  He wasted no time coming to sit by her side taking hold of the hand she extended. 

“Demelza, nothing you say could ever seem foolish.  Especially after all the foolish things I’ve done. I’m sure whatever it is that is troubling you, we can solve.  Haven’t we said there were to be no more secrets between us?”

Ross reminded her of the promise they made during one of their many discussions over the weeks.  That no matter what the topic or issue, they were to share it with the other.  Both of them realized that it was the assumption of what the other might say or feel that led to hurtful behavior.

“Yes, Ross.  I suppose this is a kind of secret,” she said.

He was now interested in what she had to tell him.  Part of him hoped that it was not another confession of a dalliance with one her idiotic suitors.  If he found out that George had made any kind of physical overture to her, he’d kill him.

“What is it Demelza?  Has it to do with someone else?”

Ross was working hard at staying calm until he saw her slightly nod her head.  A sliver of panic hit him as he waited for her to explain.

“It’s about Elizabeth. Well not her so much as what happened between you and her,” she said quickly.

Now Ross was confused.  The last thing he wanted to discuss was that night.

“Demelza, we said we were not going to talk about that again. Why are you bringing it up? Now of all times?”

“Ross, you and I have not been together in many months; even before that night. Things between us, here, were not as they once were,” she said.  As she spoke she motioned to the bed as if she needed to make clear what it was she was talking about.

Ross’s eyes grew wide at what she said.

“Yes that is true my love, but you must know my feelings and want for you never changed,” Ross said.

“Are you sure?  After, that night, while you told me it was not what you expected it still was not a total failure, was it?”

Her words were halted as she tried to say what she was feeling without coming right out and asking about the physical details.

“Demelza, I really don’t want to talk about this anymore,” he said.

“I know but what if…”

“Yes?”

Ross was now very much frustrated in more ways than one.

“What if I don’t please you anymore?” she cried.

Demelza’s eyes filled with tears that stayed put.  Ross stared at her, incredulous at what she had said, trying desperately to figure out where those feelings came from. Had he ever given her an indication that his night of idiocy with Elizabeth was satisfying in the way it counted?  Yes, there was a reflex response that most men couldn’t stop in a situation like that. But there was nothing even remotely akin to what he shared with Demelza.  Since their first night together, the love and passion they experienced were beyond the physical release or pleasure they gave each other.  It was a melding of souls creating a bond that, until that night at Trenwith, was unbending. He had to make her understand and feel that again. Words would not do it.

Ross stood up and pulled Demelza up with him.  He took her face in his hands and kissed her.  She didn’t know what to do.  It was as if she was transported back to their first night and so kept her hands by her side waiting for some direction from her husband.  Ross gently coaxed her mouth open and she responded, still not touching him in return.  Ending the kiss with a light brush of their noses, Ross opened his eyes and smiled at her. 

“My most beloved Demelza, since the first time we were together…no, let me correct that…since I first brought you to Nampara… you have pleased me in so many ways, not the least of which is in our bedroom. What happens between us, the love we make and share, is not to be compared to anyone or anything else.  From that first time, I was bound to you and until that night of my idiocy, there was no other person I thought of.  Even then it was not a case of want or desire.  It was a reaction to many other things that had nothing to do love. No matter what happened that night, I knew that no one would compare to you.  And if you don’t believe my words, then perhaps I should just show you,” he said with a grin.

He was now determined to truly make this a honeymoon night and treat her as if she was the most precious creature he knew.   Keeping his eyes on her face, he reached for the lacing of her corset and began to undo the ties.  Demelza watched his hands as they worked the garment, her mind flashing back to when she asked for help getting out of that blue dress.

“You seem to remember how to do that quite well Ross,” she said.

“That night is forever embedded in my memory Demelza.  I will never forget the guilt I felt taking your innocence,” he said. 

Demelza covered his hand with hers and stopped him for a moment.

“You didn’t take anything, Ross; I gave it freely and willingly. Because I loved you,” she whispered.

“I know.  And the guilt I felt was because I didn’t return your love at that time. And because I used you to soothe the pain of failure where Jim Carter was concerned.”

They were so focused on each other that neither realized the corset was opened and that Ross was slipping it offer her shoulders.  He paused then to remove his own coat and waistcoat.  Demelza smiled and took his wrists to unbutton the cuffs. Ross stood still while Demelza undid his shirt and pulled it over his head.  Her gaze was focused on the task at hand before redirecting her focus to his body.  She avoided looking at him for fear of losing control of her emotions. This night was more important than any other they had spent together and that included the night she seduced him.

As her fingers grazed his chest she moved closer to place soft kisses where her hands left off.  Ross closed his eyes, enjoying her touch but really wanting to get more of her clothes off.  Ross pulled her up and kissed her.  Then, leaving Demelza wondering,  he circled around to stand behind her, his fingers going to the closure on her skirt, opening it and letting it fall to the floor.  His hands then moved to her hair, carefully untying the ribbon that held it in place.  He ran his fingers through the tresses, helping the curls to fall around her shoulders.  Ever so gently he moved the flaming red hair aside so he could nip at her neck.  Demelza couldn’t help but let a moan escape as she leaned her head back against her husband.

“I remember the first time you did that, Ross,” she said breathlessly.

“So do I, my love.  It took all my willpower not to devour your skin then. You were just a young girl,” he said as he brought his body to meet hers, his front flush against her back.  Demelza could feel every muscle and angle of him generating heat through her shift.

“Perhaps I was young, but I knew I wanted you and wasn’t ashamed about it. I wanted to give myself to you then,” she said.

Turning around to kiss him she added, “Just as I do now.”

Her voice was low and seductive. Ross had never heard his wife speak like this.  Yet he didn’t want this night to go too fast.  He wanted this to be as true a wedding night as possible; full of wonder and newness and love.  In his mind this was their first time; a beginning of the second phase of the marriage with no past or shadows.  With this notion, he came to stand in front of her. Ross saw her eyes glowing with eagerness and excitement.  Smiling he reached down and swept her up in his arms.

“Ross! What are you doing?” Demelza said as he carried her to the bed. 

He kneeled on the edge as he placed her gently upon the covers.  Standing up he looked down at his wife and was reminded of the virginal being he made love to seven years prior.  Anxious to be near her, he sat on the bed and hurriedly pulled off his boots and socks before he came to lie next to her. Leaning up on his elbow, his body barely touching hers, he reached up to brush the hair out of her face.  He said nothing as he examined her face, tracing her features with his fingers, each touch a reminder of what he almost lost. 

“Ross,” she whispered.  Her hand wanted to touch him as well but she was so mesmerized by what he was doing to her, she couldn’t move.

He began to kiss her lightly in random places on her face, his lips barely felt.  As he moved down her neck, his hand pulled the top of her shift aside to reveal a bit of her shoulder which was laced with the tiniest of freckles.  He slid down her body, taking the shift with him.  Gooseflesh appeared on her chest as he tugged the linen off her other shoulder so that both were bare as the swell of her breast came into view.

Demelza’s breath hitched which caught Ross’s attention.  He lifted his head from her body to look at her.  He saw that her cheeks were taking on a pink hue which Ross found not only endearing but exciting.  He knew that when Demelza was lost in passion her skin flushed as she reached her climax.  Ross was nowhere near ready for her to reach the peak yet so he knew he had to slow things down.  He moved back up to face her, kissing her gently as Demelza arched up to reach his lips.  He responded in kind, tracing her mouth with his tongue before pushing against it to request entrance. She opened up slightly sucking his tongue into her mouth.  Ross moaned at the action before pulling away from her.  He hovered over her face, panting, looking into Demelza’s questioning eyes.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” she asked.

Ross smiled as he placed one of his legs between hers. The lower half of Demelza’s body instinctively lifted to rub against him, the thin linen of her shift barely counting as a barrier between them. Ross rocked his body towards hers, his body reacting to her quite quickly, totally going against his plans. She continued gyrating against him as her mouth took his once more and her hand slipped inconspicuously between them to find his groin.  Without breaking her rhythm, Demelza caressed Ross’s manhood through the material of his breeches, bringing it to life which elicited another moan as his body pushed against her hand.

He forced his mouth away from hers and struggled to get out a word.

“Demelza,” he said.

She continued to kiss his face, her hand sliding around to grasp his buttock as she tried to maneuver him full between her legs.

“Yes Ross,” she said.

“Please stop.  I need to talk to you for a moment,” Ross begged.  He moved away from her, needing to give them some space.

“Something is wrong,” Demelza said. 

She now sat up, pulling the shift back on her shoulders while bringing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. Ross could see that she was confused and hurt by his rejection. 

“Demelza, my love please let me explain,” he said.

“I was right.  You can’t forget your night with Elizabeth, can you?  It was bad enough before when I had to compete with your ideal thought of her.  Tell me what I’m supposed to do now?  I want to make love with my husband.  I need to make love to my husband.  But how can I when his mind is in another bed with another woman?” she cried.

Making a move, Ross grabbed his wife until she was prone underneath him.  Demelza’s blue eyes were full of fire, setting a myriad of emotions running through Ross, not the least of which was lust.  He wanted this woman more than he could put into words but on the right terms.

“Demelza, I want to make love you more than you could possibly imagine. Can you not feel what just being near you has done to me?”

To make his point he moved flush against her, the bulge in his breeches pressed against her hip.  Ross looked down at his wife, a grin coming to his face.  She was still not having it so he explained.

“My love, I want this night to be more than just our resuming marital relations.  The reason I wanted to bring you on a honeymoon was to truly make our reconciliation a new beginning.  I want this to be as if it was truly our wedding night.”

Ross was so sincere that Demelza couldn’t help but warm to him.  She took his face in her hands and stared into his eyes.  The hazel color revealing flecks of gold and green to her, cutting straight through to her heart.

“Ross, that’s lovely but I’m far from virginal,” she quipped.

He leaned towards her and gave her a chaste kiss.

“This has nothing to do with that Demelza.  This has to do with our starting fresh. New.  As if we had nothing over us to tarnish this moment. This is our first time in our new marriage.”

Demelza’s face broke into a wide smile because she was so taken by his sentiment.

“That is some sentiment Ross. And I agree that this should be our new start. But I still feel that a part of you is still at Trenwith…”

He interrupted her by placing a finger on her lips.

“There will be no talk of that house or anyone associated with it while we are here. They do not exist. Remember, there is no past.  There is only now and the future.”

Searching his wife’s face to see if she understood, he saw that she did.  Demelza reached up towards him so that she could wrap her arms around his shoulders.

“I like that idea.  And I like that you want this to be a start not a continuation of our relationship,” she said as he kissed his cheek. “But my love, don’t expect me to be some giggling bride.  I am going to make sure that every part of you is with me, in this room, in this bed, on this honeymoon.” 

Her hand slid down his back, coming to rest on the waistband of his breeches, her fingers slipping in to tease the skin beneath. Now it was his turn for his breath to hitch.  Demelza arched up closer to his face, their noses grazing once more before kissing him.

“You’ve taught me so much my love about the way we can please each other. And I hope we can make use of as many of those as possible,” she whispered, her voice soft and low.

Ross smiled.

“Oh my little vixen, have no fear. We will make the most of this honeymoon. Right now though, I just want to worship you and show you what you mean to me.  I want to just love you Demelza.”

With that he turned his concentration back to her, his mouth descending on hers, his one hand holding hers above her head.  Ross maneuvered over her body, his free hand sliding down the side of her body until it reached the hem of her night shift and felt the silky skin underneath.  Turning his head away from Demelza he looked down her body to see her endless legs protruding from the white linen.  He moved to get her stockings off so that her legs were bare.  Ross crawled back up the bed, one hand on the outside of each leg, taking the shift with him as he crept towards her.   

Her eyes flew open to see Ross approaching, his hands pulling the shift with him. He motioned for her to sit up so he could remove it totally.  Ross threw the garment to the floor as she rolled back onto the mattress. Demelza looked up at her husband, her hair wild around her body, her skin glowing. Ross sat back, taking the vision that was his wife.

“You are so beautiful my love.  I’ve missed you more than I can say,” Ross said as he grazed her body with his hands.

Demelza started to blush, feeling self-conscious that she was not the same woman she was that fateful night all those years ago.

“I’m not as I was Ross. After two children and hard work my body cannot be as desirable as other women,” she said.

She tried to move her arms to cover parts of her exposed skin but Ross stopped her.

“No Demelza you’re not. You’re more beautiful now. And as a matter of fact, you’re most beautiful when you are carrying my children. With Julia, you had an aura of peace and love that made you irresistible. So much so that I wanted you all the time, my love for you grew every day.

“Well you are full of compliments aren’t you Ross,” she said laughing as she pulled him down to her so she could kiss him.

Ross acquiesced as he repositioned himself to hover over Demelza. He wedged his legs between hers but did not lower himself to lean on her. Instead, he sat back on his heels to look at her.  His eyes traveled from her face, which now was glowing with a hint of pinkish hue, down her neck to her breasts.  Leaning forward, he reached out to touch them, gently massaging and manipulating them until the rose-colored nipples hardened.  Demelza squirmed, her body aching.  Ross saw her dilemma and bent over to take a breast in his mouth.  His hands held hers as he moved his mouth from one globe to the other.  His tongue bathing each until Demelza whimpered.  Lifting up he took her mouth again, his lips plundering hers as she wrestled her hands thrusting themselves into his hair.

The touch of her fingers, weaving their way through his curls did not stop him from his plan to ensure that this night of love making was one his wife would remember for a long time.   Letting go of her breast with a pop, he slid down her body, leaving a trail of kisses on her sternum, taking the time to tease her navel with his tongue while one hand slipped between her legs. Ross’s fingers gently manipulating her flesh, releasing juices in preparation for what was to follow.  Demelza’s grip on his head loosened as she began to writhe, her body’s need rising. Ross looked up at his wife’s face, which reflected the increasing passion he was creating with his attentions.  Holding still for a moment, he waited for Demelza to open her eyes and then, without thinking twice, took the finger that had been teasing her and brought it to her mouth, giving her a taste of what he was yearning to indulge in. Demelza was so caught up in the actions of her husband that she greedily took his finger between her lips and sucked hard, tasting herself for the first time and finding it extremely exciting. Adding to that was the look of want on Ross’s face as he watched her which prompted him to capture her mouth to share the experience.  After being left breathless from that kiss, Ross continued on his journey south.  When he reached her hips, he paused to glance back up at her and saw the desire in her face.  Her mouth was open slightly, her lips dry, her breathing shallow.  He kept going until he reached the russet curls covering her womanhood.  As if drawn to some secret treasure, he bent down and kissed her most intimate place.  Snaking his tongue out, he parted her, needing a true taste of her nectar.  She was already so moist and plump that her body reminded him a ripe peach, ready for the taking.

Demelza gasped before biting her bottom lip to suppress the groan that was bubbling to escape.  Her hands were clenched at her sides, her instincts frozen for the moment.  She took a fleeting look at her husband making love to her body before closing her eyes and laying back down, losing herself to the sensation of his mouth on her bud and woman’s lips.  On the brink of release, Demelza was about to let herself go when she felt Ross’s mouth leave her. 

 Their eyes met and Demelza smiled down at him. The urge to join with her was overwhelming as she lay beneath him. The vision of her reminded him of how she looked that first night except that this time there was no hesitation or questioning if this was right.  Ross was so lost in his thoughts and memories he felt rather than saw Demelza’s hands on his breeches.  The smile on his wife’s face went from sweet to sly as her fingers deftly opened the buttons to release his turgid manhood.  He rose up a bit to help her push them off and out of the way, kicking them to the floor before returning to her waiting body.

“I love you Demelza,” he whispered.

Demelza made space for him by letting her legs fall open. Ross waited a moment, gathering his thoughts before settling in the cradle of her pelvis. She let out a whimper as she felt his member slide against her overheated core.

“I’ve missed you, my love,” Ross said.

“I too Ross. So much.  I have felt empty without you,” she answered.

“As did I,” he replied.

 “So let us fill that void now, shall we?”

The teasing in her voice belied her actions as she reached down to touch him. Her fingers were as delicate as a feather on his body as she helped fuel the fire that simmered between them. Unable to wait any longer, Ross pushed her hand aside as he deliberately placed himself at her entrance and slipped in easily.  The feeling of his wife surrounding his length after so long was beyond anything. Demelza held her breath as he filled her but pushed against him to bring him all the way home to her. At their complete connection, they paused to let the moment sink in. They were one again.  One being.  One soul.  One body.  One love.  The solemnity of the act was not lost on Demelza who felt a tear slip from her eyes.  Ross was about to continue when he saw the moisture fall down her cheek.

“Why are you crying?  Have I hurt you?”

He was concerned that perhaps he was too excited and she not prepared yet to take him.

“No Ross. It’s just that I never thought we would have this again,” she said.

With a slight thrust against her, Ross curled his arms under hers and brought her closer to him.

“I’m so sorry, my love,” he said in her ear.

“Not now Ross. Now there is nothing to be sorry about.  Now there is only us, in this moment.

With that she moved, shifting her hips to get more comfortable underneath him but also to get Ross to join her.  Picking up on her desire, they thrust slowly. Ross never pulling too far away from her so that the connection was never broken.  Demelza couldn’t seem to stay still.  She was anxious, impatient and greedy.  She ground into him, the need for release coming upon her quickly when she felt the coarse hair of his groin stimulating her bud.  All these months without him had built up a tension inside her that was now begging to be eased.

“Ross please,” she begged.

“What my love?”

He was straining above her, his words halted as he focused on her face, the feel of her breasts rubbing against his chest spurring him on.  He bent down and took one rosy nipple into his mouth, sucking heartily, reclaiming what he had been denied for so long.

“I need to…” she whispered.

He lifted his head from her chest and looked at his wife. Her eyes were wild, her face flushed, her breath coming in short gasps.

“Yes?”

He knew what she needed. Bending over her he took hold of the point between her neck and shoulder that he knew would send her reeling.  Demelza’s body immediately reacted, bringing her legs up to wrap around his hips, holding him in place as her hand grabbed his buttocks pulling him flush against her.  Her inner muscles squeezed Ross’s body in a grip that held him fast.

With that action he was transported back to their first time again, the feelings of that night coursing through his body just as strong as before.

“Judas!” she let out as he descended on her lips, kissing her hard before the need to separate for air was undeniable.

Her body stiffened just as his spasmed in response, his seed coating her inner walls, filling her in an endless climax.  Demelza felt as if her body was overflowing with Ross.  Not just from their fluids but with the pressure of him inside her and the weight of him above her. She was overwhelmed and she didn’t want to let go but she was trembling. Her legs felt like lead as they dropped from around her husband yet she held him in place not wanting him to leave her yet.  Ross laid his head on her breast now covered in a light sheen of perspiration. He kissed her softly.

“Demelza are you alright?”

He lifted up to look at her.

“Yes Ross I am,” she answers as she caresses his hair.  “For now I feel like I am one step closer to truly being your wife again.”

“No my love,” he says. “That’s wrong.  You were always truly my wife.  I was not your true husband.  But this is our wedding night. And I vow to never have you doubt my love or devotion ever again.”

They looked at each other, the bond between them re-established.

“I know I don’t say this often but I have never felt it as strongly as I do at this moment,” Demelza said.

With his head propped up on her breast, he waited for her to explain.

“Say what Demelza?”

“I love you, Ross. No one will ever hold my heart as you do.”

Ross said nothing. He moved up to take her possession of her mouth again, the kiss sealing their love and marriage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who are reading along with this saga. I know it will have to end eventually but for now, I'm enjoying the ride. 
> 
> Your comments, thoughts, cheerleading and sharing are most appreciated.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Poldarks honeymoon in London continues.......and they meet someone new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning that this gets a little intense--it is a honeymoon after all. But I still tried to keep it "Romelza Romantic".

A week into their honeymoon saw Ross and Demelza enjoying London and each other. They spent days lying in, taking breakfast in their room and basically not doing anything at all.  It was truly a time for them to reconnect and find each other. They had ventured out once or twice to do some shopping where they picked up some new dishes and other household items that Ross felt were long overdue.  Demelza resisted but Ross insisted they treat themselves to these things after going without for so long.  Demelza didn’t object when Ross suggested getting some new clothes and toys for Jeremy as well as a gift for the newlyweds, Dwight and Caroline. Nights were spent in each other arms. Their physical relationship was reignited and on a steady course towards solidarity. More than that there was love. Pure, honest love.  Even more, than they had in the first year of their marriage because it was built out of the ashes of something they thought was lost.

Tonight was to be their last night in London and Ross promised Demelza it would be a special one. She had yet to wear the dress they bought so he said he would take her someplace where she would be admired as he showed her off.  Demelza lay in bed thinking about that when she felt her husband’s naked body spoon into her. She smiled because the night dress she brought stayed at the bottom of her bag, unused during the entire time they had been here.  Not since their early days together and before children came along had she slept nude in her husband’s arms.  She never realized how much she loved the skin to skin contact as they slept.  It was beyond a feeling of freedom and openness but provided a point of comfort and security.  Their bare bodies, stripped and raw, left nothing between them.  It was more than just a part of their lovemaking; it was a sign of the trust that returned to their marriage.  Demelza finally felt secure enough to let Ross see all of her. 

Wriggling back against Ross, Demelza felt his body hard and primed to meet hers again.  Without a word she reached behind her to find him and stroked his length while he nipped and kissed her shoulder. Ross moved closer forcing Demelza to release him.  He lifted her leg and slowly entered her from behind while his arms slipped under and around her, bringing her closer to him still.  He cradled her in his grasp, focusing on his movements and so he didn’t immediately catch the fact that Demelza’s breathing hitched. Ross heard her hiss and stopped before fully encasing himself in his wife. Lifting his head from her neck he peered over her shoulder to gaze at her face. Demelza turned to look at her husband and tilted her head up to him indicating she wanted a kiss.

“Are you alright my love?” he asked as his lips approached hers.

“I’m fine Ross.  Although I believe I will be feeling the after effects of this week for some time to come,” she replied.

“Then perhaps we should stop and I’ll ask to have a bath brought to you,” Ross said as he began to pull away from her.

Demelza immediately pushed back against him to make it clear that she was fine and wanted to continue.

“Kiss me.  Or I’ll take matters into my own hands,” she teased as her body contracted to hold him in place.

They started a rhythm, so familiar now that only a gesture or touch was required to communicate; the desire between them so strong as if the fear of losing each other again was driving their actions. Ross resumed covering her shoulder with kisses as his hand caressed her body from breast to belly.  Demelza’s fingers linked with his as they reached the apex of her thighs, fondling her body which was still damp from the previous night's activities.  The thrusting of her husband was hitting Demelza in ways she hadn’t experienced before which was spurring her quickly towards her end.   Hearing her low whimpers that were muffled by his arm, Ross let out a groan into the nape of her neck as he filled her once more.  Demelza’s spasms were so forceful that her body shook and trembled, her muscles acting of their own accord.  Pulling out of her slowly, Ross kept his arms around Demelza holding her as she calmed down, the evidence of their act leaving traces on her thighs and the sheet.

Demelza rolled towards Ross, her arms slipping around his shoulders, her mouth kissing him deeply, straining to keep the connection between them.

“Good morning, Ross,” she said.

“My love,” he replied, his mouth taking hers again.

“Yes?”

“I think I will ask for a bath to be brought up.  I’ve been selfish this week and I want to make sure you are totally comfortable tonight.”

“Thank you, Ross.  I would like a bath.  But later.  Right now, I’d like to stay right here,” she said curling into his embrace and closing her eyes.

“That’s all well and good my love but I have something for you”

She moved slightly as Ross got out of bed, the smell of their lovemaking strong in the sheets. She wondered what the landlady thought of them.  Perhaps she thought Ross was keeping a mistress in this room and not his wife.  She pulled the sheet up to cover her as she slid up the bed to lean against the headboard.  Demelza watched Ross walk around the room, naked, with no sense of embarrassment at all and found that she wanted him again.  _This is ridiculous,_ she thought.  _Maybe I am some common trull who only thinks of making love and nothing else._

Her mind rolled that idea around when Ross sat back on the bed.

“What are you doing, Demelza?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re thinking about something.  I can tell because you look upset.”

“I’m not. I was just wondering….”

“I told you no thinking on this trip.”

“I was just thinking that this can’t be normal.

“What?”

“This.  Making love all the time. Looking at one another after we just finish and wanting to start again. There must be something wrong with me.”

“No, my love, there is nothing wrong with you.  Or me.”

Moving to sit behind her, pulling the sheet over his slowly rising nether region, he continued.

“We love each other, don’t we?”

“More than ever.”

“Then what is wrong with showing that love?  And when will we have the opportunity to make love when we want and how we want once we get back to Nampara?  Then we will go back to being parents, farmers, miners and who knows what else.  Here we are just Ross and Demelza Poldark.”

“I think that landlady might not believe I’m your wife.”

“What else could she think?”

“That I’m your mistress.  Or worse.”

“You are my mistress, Demelza. You’re also my wife, my friend, the mother of my children. You are everything to me.  Now and always.”

She kissed him, her hands going to his hair, loving the feel of his curls between her fingers.

“Now I have something for you,” he said as he pulled a small package from beside the bed.

“A bribe?”

“No. A token of my love and devotion.”

With that, he handed her the leather case. Demelza recognized it right away. She opened it with shaky hands.

“It’s my brooch. The one we sold. How did you find it again?”

“By searching and never giving up. Just like us.”

“You say the sweetest things,” she replied.

“Not sweet. And not always. But I promise from now on they will be the truth.

The lay back down as there is a knock on the door.

“Breakfast my love?” he asked.

Ross rose and found his dressing gown so he could answer the door.  Demelza pulled the quilt up to cover her more securely as she settled against the pillows.

“I suppose we do need to keep up our strength.”

*~*~*~

The Poldarks of Nampara entered the ballroom with little fanfare.  Ross’s surprise was a ball given at the home of Caroline’s aunt.  He had managed the invitation to this party with the help of the new Mrs. Enys.  It seemed her aunt was hosting a gathering for some of the newer members of Parliament at the same time Ross and Demelza were going to be in London.  When Ross told Caroline of his plans for a honeymoon, she immediately suggested that this would be the perfect place to give Demelza a taste of London society but in a controlled way.  Ross was reluctant but wanted to show Demelza off and treat her as she deserved to be treated which was as the woman he loved. 

Standing next to her now in the entryway of the grand ballroom, Ross glanced at the woman on his arm and beamed with pride. The dress they had purchased before leaving Truro fit her like a glove. The style accentuated her maturing figure, including a décolletage that was more revealing that she normally wore; Demelza was usually hesitant about such things but tonight seemed to revel in it.  The color of the dress highlighted the copper color of her hair and clear blue-green of her eyes, making them even more vibrant if that was possible. Her swan like the neck was adorned with the brooch he had reclaimed, while ribbons were woven through normally wild curls taming them into submission.  But more than her outward beauty, Ross saw something else coming from Demelza. There was an air of confidence that he had not seen before in their previous forays into society.  Not that they had many invitations to soirees like this one but it was clear that something had changed in his wife.  Demelza grasped his arm and looked up at him with a smile.

Ross said nothing.  Demelza became worried that perhaps she had done something wrong or that something was wrong with her dress.

“Ross is everything alright?” she asked.

“Yes, my love. Everything is fine,” he answered with a kiss to her hand.

“Then why are you staring at me like that?  Is there something wrong with my dress? Should I have worn something different?”

Demelza sounded worried that she had made a misstep in her appearance so she took a survey of the room and saw that other women were dressed similarly to her. The only difference was that they were a bit more made up and had gaudier accessories and jewelry. The sight of these society ladies reminded her of the party at Werry House and her attempt to be like them.  Ross saw her taking in the atmosphere by the way her demeanor changed.  He took her arm and pulled her to the side to have a word with her.

“Demelza, you look exquisite.  You’re beyond beautiful and that is what I was thinking,” he said.

“Are you sure?”

Smiling he leaned down to whisper in her ear.

“Very sure.  You outshine every woman in that room and not just by what you are wearing. There is something else coming from you. A kind of inner glow.  I haven’t seen that since you were…”

Ross didn’t finish his thought because what just occurred to him could not be possible.  Could it?

“Since when Ross?”

Demelza was curious as to what he was thinking.

“Since you were with child.  But that is not possible yet. Is it?” He was truly unsure about this.

“I don’t think so. I mean it is possible considering what we’ve been doing most of the past week, but I wouldn’t know yet.  No, I think what you are seeing is just my feeling glad at being your wife again in all ways.  I’m happy Ross. Truly and genuinely happy.”

She reached up to kiss his cheek but Ross moved his head so that their lips connected.

“Ross!  Do you want to ruin my reputation before I even make an entrance?”

“The only reputation you need to keep my love is that of my wife.  I don’t care what anyone in this room thinks of you or me,” he replied.

“You’re foolish then but I’m not going to let that ruin my first real London ball.  So, do you want to escort me in? Or shall I find someone else?”

Ross was about to respond when they were joined by a man neither had seen before.  He was dressed in burgundy velvet waistcoat and charcoal gray trousers. His dark hair was cropped short in the back with just enough of a wave to make him appear flamboyant. 

“If you’ll permit me, madam, I’d be more than happy to escort you if your husband chooses not to,” the stranger said.

His dark eyes seemed to pierce Demelza in a way that made her feel he could see through her gown. Ross’s radar went up automatically when he saw this man trying to get into Demelza’s good graces and his instinct was to intercede but he knew that Demelza had enough common sense to handle a fop like this after her experiences with McNeil, Bodrugan, and Warleggan. Ross watched her innate charm kick in as she spoke to this person.

“Why thank you kindly. But even if my husband chose not to escort me, which I doubt, I don’t think I could accept your offer either,” she said sweetly, the smile on her face belying her true feelings.

“And why is that, madam…?” the stranger said.

“Poldark,” Ross answered for her.  He held out his hand for the stranger to take which he did with clear reluctance.

“Ah, I don’t think I’ve heard of you…” the man said.

“Captain Ross Poldark.”

“I see.  May I introduce myself?  Captain Monk Adderley, newly elected Member of Parliament.”

Demelza watched the exchange and kept her amusement at bay.  Ross glanced at her during the introduction of this gentleman to which she gave him a knowing smile.  She had seen men like Adderley before and knew what they were after.  However, she’d learned a lot about handling men like him from the early days of her marriage and her dealings with Hugh Bodrugan but even more so since she’s been apart from Ross.  Monk Adderley did not intimidate her in the least so she was going to let this play out to see just how far this so called gentleman tried to get.  Demelza wasn’t sure Ross would like it but she would make him see that it was just a game.

“Mistress Poldark, would you do me the honor of being my partner for the next dance?” Adderley asked, ignoring Ross’s presence.

Demelza did not ignore her husband’s presence and gave him a passing glance before answering.  She saw that he was not happy and again, felt that small bit of satisfaction at his jealousy.

“I’m afraid, Captain Adderley that the first dance is promised to my husband,” she said.

“You _are_ new to London society.  It’s simply not done,” he explained.

Playing coy, but making sure to link her arm with Ross’s she questioned Adderley.

“What do you mean?  What is not done?”

Ross could do nothing but smile down at his wife and let her lead the way in this encounter.

“Why husbands and wives mingling, of course.  You must interact with everyone. And I must say a woman such as you should share her--assets--with as many men as possible.  It’s not fair that your husband is the only one privy to your charms,” he said, taking her hand and lingering over a kiss, while his eyes traveled her body.

Demelza felt Ross tense up beside her so she gave his arm a squeeze, caressing it as she did when she knew he needed to be calmed down.  Right now she could feel his biceps clench in an attempt to fight the urge to take a swing at Adderley.

“I fear that I am very traditional when it comes to such matters. I find the company of my husband is more appealing than anyone else,” Demelza stated.

Adderley looked between the Poldarks and saw that this woman was not going to be easily persuaded but he was not giving up just yet.

“Pity.  Well if you will not dance with me will you at least allow me to escort for some refreshment later?   I would dearly love to get to you know you better, Mistress Poldark,” he said.

“I believe my husband and I would enjoy that. Wouldn’t we Ross?”

She looked up at him and gave him her best Demelza smile. Ross nodded slightly; proud of the way she was dealing with the situation.

“I think that would be quite agreeable my love,” he said making sure that Adderley heard the term of endearment.  He then took Demelza’s hand and gave it a proper kiss.

“There you have it.  We will gladly you join you later. For now, I think I would like my husband to dance with me,” Demelza said.

Monk Adderley was not used to this kind of woman and it intrigued him even more. Demelza could see his attention was piqued and knew she needed to tame it or something would transpire between him and Ross.  She looked around the room and as luck would have there, across the room she saw a young woman, a girl more like, who seemed quite interested in the man who was trying to seduce her.  With her matchmaking skills coming into play, she extracted her arm from Ross’s and took a step away from both men.

“Excuse me for a moment but I believe there is someone I need to speak to,” she said. 

Glancing at Ross, Demelza gave him a look that said: “trust me”.   Wary of what she was up to, he let her go and watched as she crossed the room. Ross saw her approach a young lady whom he’d never seen before.  He had no idea what she was plotting but Ross was sure it would be entertaining, to say the least.   Monk Adderley stood next to Ross, his eyes set on Demelza’s retreating form.

“Your wife is quite a specimen of womanhood, Poldark.  If she is this fiery just having a conversation, I can only imagine what she is like in bed.  I must say, I’m envious,” Adderley said.

He took out a snuff box to inhale some of the powdery substance. Ross kept his composure despite the fact that he wanted to flatten this peacock for even mentioning Demelza in that fashion.

“No Adderley. You cannot imagine what my wife is like. In bed or anywhere else.  And might I suggest you put any thoughts like that out of your mind’s eye,” Ross warned.

Adderley took a step back from Ross, realizing that he was dealing with a husband who actually cared about his wife and her reputation.  _Even more of a challenge_ , Adderley thought.   His attention turned back to Demelza who was now engaged in conversation with a pretty young thing. Both women were smiling and giggling which had Adderley wondering just what this Poldark woman was conspiring at.

“What is your wife about, Poldark?” he asked Ross.

“Knowing Demelza as I do, I have my suspicions,” Ross said giving Adderley a sideways glance.  “Although I would rather not guess. She always finds a way to surprise me.”

Adderley was staring at Ross, who was more interested in Demelza as she returned to where he stood accompanied by the young lady from across the room.  Coming up to Adderley, she brought the woman forward and introduced them.

“Captain Monk Adderley, may I present Miss Andromeda Page. Miss Page this is Captain Adderley, newly elected to Parliament,” Demelza said as she moved towards Ross.

Ross bent down to Demelza and whispered in her ear, “What are you doing?”

“Ross, I’m not doing anything. It seemed Captain Adderley was in need of company and Miss Page seemed bored, so I thought they might fill each other’s dance card,” she said innocently.

“You never cease to amaze me.  But I still do not like his attention to you,” Ross said.

Demelza looked at her husband and saw that he was still disturbed at Adderley’s original overtures towards her.  Needing to diffuse his mood, she took his hand and began to look for a place where they could talk. 

“Excuse us Captain, Miss Page. I’m going to hold my husband to his promise that he dance with me,” she said as she led him into the middle of the dance floor.

Not able to fight her, Ross followed taking a spot across from his wife.  Smiling at her as the music started he found he remembered the steps and was momentarily transported back to that party at Caroline’s where her engagement to Unwin Trevaunance was to be announced. That night was one of unsolicited revelations by Elizabeth but more than that, it was one where he realized how much his wife meant to him.  Even Elizabeth’s attempt at coaxing him to confess something he no longer felt did not detract from Demelza’s presence or the fact that other men, including his own cousin, seemed to notice her as well. Ross remembered that as they danced all he could think of was getting her home and into bed.  She had teased him before the dinner while he bathed and by the time they got to the dancing, the sight of her loving smile and the nearness of her ignited the ever present need she brought out in him.  Ross also remembered how the night didn’t end when they got home but that the feelings between them lasted until the moon disappeared and led to them waking up in each other’s arms, feeling more love than they had a long while.

Now as he danced with her again, he wanted to revisit that kind of feeling and regretted bringing her to this party.  All he wanted now was to get her home.  Demelza saw his expression change as she neared him and then moved away to the beat of the music. She wondered if he was thinking about the same thing she was. That notion was confirmed when as he circled her he whispered to her.

“How long must we stay?”

Demelza looked at him and smirked.

“Ross, it would be rude to leave before supper, wouldn’t it?”

“Possibly.  But what I’m hungry for is not food,” he said.

“Ross! That is totally inappropriate talk for a place like this,” she said in mock horror.

“You can’t fool me Demelza Carne Poldark.  I know that look in your eye.  In fact, I’ve seen nothing but that look for the past week,” he argued.

Letting out a giggle, Demelza found herself being stared at by those dancing around her bringing forth a blush to her alabaster cheeks.

“Perhaps,” she whispered to him as they joined hands and swung around.  “But it still doesn’t make it proper talk.”

The music ended and both Ross and Demelza were so wrapped up in each other they didn’t hear the person near them cough as if trying to get their attention.

“So Mistress Poldark. Shall we go into supper?”

Adderley had returned with young Andromeda Page on his arm yet he was still determined to get Demelza Poldark in his grasp.

“What of Miss Page?  I don’t think that is very gentlemanly to desert her already,” Demelza said.

“Oh have no fear.  All four of us will sup together. If that’s agreeable to you Captain Poldark,” he said.

Ross and Demelza exchanged looks, each knowing that spending more time with this man was the last thing they wanted to do.  But they could not be rude as this party was being given by Caroline’s aunt.

“Most agreeable,” Demelza answered for both of them.

“Splendid,” Adderley said as he held out his arm for Demelza to take. “Poldark you may escort Miss Page.”

“Of course,” Ross said.

With one more glance at Demelza, he offered his arm to Monk’s new female companion and the foursome went into supper.  Ross kept his eye on his wife.  One move by Adderley that gave even the slightest semblance of impropriety and this evening would be over.

*~*~*~

Demelza could tell that Ross was less than pleased with the way the night ended as the ride back to their rooms was a silent one. It was clear that he was less than impressed with Monk Adderley’s attention to her.  She should be upset but in truth, she was flattered that he was jealous for perhaps the first time in their relationship.  She also knew what she wanted to do to bring Ross back to the honeymoon state they had been in for the past week so she formulated a strategy that she hoped would work on correcting his sour disposition. They finally reached their lodgings and went up to their room with no conversation passing between them.  Demelza knew this was a sign that Ross was lost in thought and more than likely, not a pleasant one either. Reaching the door, he opened it and let Demelza pass through first.  She took off her cloak as she watched Ross shut the door behind them.

“So my love it seemed you had the attention of most of the men at the ball tonight,” Ross said as he started to take off his coat.

Demelza said nothing at first. She knew that he was in a mood about Monk Adderley and so was going to let him vent before putting her plan into action.

“Did I?  I hadn’t noticed,” she coyly. 

She carried her cloak to the wardrobe and hung it up delicately before going over to where he stood. At this point Demelza took charge, taking Ross’s coat and hanging it up to join her cloak. She returned, kissing him gently as her fingers worked on his vest. She then started to untie his stock, her eyes focused on the task.

“Well, Monk Adderley was certainly besotted with you.  I’m surprised you left with your gown intact considering he was undressing you with his leer,” Ross said absently. 

“Are you jealous Ross?” she asked, secretly hoping it was true.

Ross didn’t answer at first but looking down at her he had to admit he was.

“Yes.  No man wants a wife that is not desired by other men, but they don’t want any man getting her,” he said.

“There was never any chance of that, my love,” she reassured him.

Ross hadn’t really noticed that she was pushing him towards the bed while she expertly helped him remove his braces and shirt, leaving him in his breeches. Placing her hands on his shoulders, she urged him to sit on the edge of the bed.  Demelza proceeded to divest him of boots and stockings then positioned him to lie down. Ross looked up at her as she took a stance at the foot of the bed.

“Demelza what are you…?” he asked.

“Isn’t this what women like Margaret and Andromeda do for men?  Didn’t Margaret do that for you that night before I saw you bathing in the sea?”

She slowly undid her clothes as she spoke.  Taking the brooch off first, she put that carefully back in the box. Then she unhooked the front of her dress, one fastener at a time, her eyes, never leaving his.

“Frankly, I can’t remember although considering my mood, I doubt I gave Margaret a chance to do or say anything,” he said with a smirk. “That night was filled with many emotions which now seem insignificant.” 

“Is that why you took that swim?”

She spoke softly as the dress dropped to the floor and she started to free herself from the corset. Ross took a breath and licked his lips as she slipped the garment off her shoulders, the shape of her perfectly formed breasts becoming visible. The thin linen of her shift barely hid anything as in her excited state, the stiffened peaks of her nipples were clearly outlined for his viewing.  Looking back up at Demelza’s face he continued.

“I wanted to wash off any trace of that night.”

“Because of Elizabeth?” she asked.

“Because of everything,” he said.

  Next, she reached behind and loosened the ties of the petticoat, letting it fall to the floor.  As it did Ross saw the silk stockings he gave Demelza for Christmas over a year ago adorning her legs for the first time and smiled.  Demelza noticed where his focus went and spoke.

“I thought it was a perfect time to wear them. Do you like them?” she asked coyly, lifting a leg and placing it on the bed.

“Yes.  I never actually see you in them,” he said.

She moved her hands to her shoulders, pulling the shift down her arms as he spoke causing his voice to drift off as the material hit the floor. As a last move, Demelza bent to take the stockings off when she heard him say.

“Leave them on.”

Demelza stopped what she was doing to gaze at Ross’s face where she saw his concentration was on her naked body, forgetting the hosiery for the time being.

“Is that what some women do?” she asked.

“I don’t know about some women Demelza. But it is what I want you to do.”

Feeling bad that she was teasing him so mercilessly, Demelza crawled up on the bed and straddled his legs.  Suddenly the need to love him, to touch him, to taste him, to smell him overpowered her.  She needed to ingrain Ross Poldark in her senses and make sure he never wanted anyone else again.   Demelza then methodically unbuttoned Ross’s breeches, opening them one section at a time.  Ross concentrated on what she was doing trying desperately not to let his body betray him before he saw how this would end.  As his skin was revealed Demelza gazed up at Ross’s face and smiled, her hands brushing him casually as if what she was doing wasn’t driving him to the edge.   Sliding back, Demelza took his breeches with her, dropping them to the floor.  With one last look at his face, which was now furrowed in curiosity, she bent over and took him in her mouth as her hands moved over him.   Subconsciously she started humming as she made love to him, the song is the one she sang that Christmas at Trenwith.  Ross’s body shivered, prompting Demelza to raise her head and look at him. Glancing at his face she saw his eyes closed and his mouth open.  She stopped what she was doing to catch her breath, her hand sliding up his chest, through the soft black hair to tweak his nipple which elicited a moan from Ross.

“Demelza,” he said, barely getting it out as his body tensed and his eyes flew open. 

Reaching down to her, Ross lifted Demelza up to him, arching his body so his mouth could find hers, his tongue plundering and tangling with hers in a frantic motion.  Demelza held on to him as he swung her under his body, which was now ready to explode.  She was gasping as she looked at his face, the want in his eyes almost animalistic.

“You’re such a tease, my love,” he growled, his mouth making contact with any part of her body it could reach.

“Am I?  I don’t mean to be.  I just want to make sure you know what you have so that you’re not tempted by these women of London, or Margaret or even Eli...”

She didn’t get to say that last name because without ceremony Ross plunged into her body, his thrust so hard it almost pushed her into the head board. His mouth seized hers again, his tongue invading her as he pumped in and out of her sheath. And Demelza met him at each point, her hips rising off the bed, her breasts crushed against his chest, her hands twisted in his hair. The intensity of the act was such that she closed her eyes finding it easier to focus on what was happening if she didn’t see the warm brown of his eyes.  But Ross would have none of that.

“Look at me Demelza,” he ordered.  His voice was gruff and insistent.

She did as he asked, her pupils dilated, small beads of perspiration framing her face as he grunted with each re-entry to her core.  At one point he pulled almost all the way out, needing to catch his breath.  Demelza grinned up at him before clamping her silk covered leg around his hips to switch positions. Now she was on top. She pushed her hair out of the way letting it fall down her back, exposing her breasts to his scrutiny. Finding them too tempting, Ross sat up and took one in his mouth as Demelza wiggled to sit more fully on his lap.  Once she was filled with him again, she held on to his shoulders as she rose and fell on his hardened body.  Their faces were inches apart, allowing them to kiss each other with each motion.

Demelza started to swivel her hips, her distended bud and swollen womanhood hypersensitive to any touch so that when it met Ross’s groin she let out a whimper.  Ross held on to her as the first wave of her climax hit. Letting her ride it out, he moved them back to lie down, his body still encased in hers, hard and swelling as his bollocks pulled up against his body.  With a final push, he let go, his mouth on hers as she cried out, another climax rising to meet his.  The force of his release caused his body to quake against hers, the jets of his seed seemingly endless as they filled her womb.  When he felt spent, he collapsed on his wife, her hands caressing his sweat laden body as her legs relaxed.  As their breaths regulated, Demelza pushed the hair away from his eyes and spoke.

“I hope you don’t want to wash off this night, my love,” she said.

“Demelza, I would keep this whole week on me for as long as possible if it wasn’t so impractical,” he said.

She kissed him gently through a smile, wondering what he met. He saw the questioning look on her face so he clarified. 

“I think eventually I would offend you with the aroma of an unbathed body,” he teased.

“I don’t think so.  To me, at this moment, it is better than any perfume you could purchase,” she said.

He smiled up at her as he moved to bring her into his embrace and cover them before they caught a chill.

“Then we must make sure that we keep a supply of this on hand when we get home now, won’t we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am fascinated with the character of Monk Adderley and who will portray him next series. And I wanted Ross to show jealousy in a new realm and have Demelza handle it where she could channel her new found self confidence and spirit. I think they both benefit from Monk appearance. For now.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demelza has a visitor before she and Ross reach an understanding. And Jeremy is just cute.

 “Jeremy Poldark! Come here this instant and leave those poor pigs alone!”

Demelza was calling to her rambunctious son from across the yard as she prepared the garden for seeding later on in the month.  Her three year old had seen fit to let one of the new piglets out of its pen chasing it past her and into the grass.  The new additions had quickly become Jeremy’s personal pet, leaving Garrick forgotten in their wake.  At the sound of his mother’s voice, the little boy turned and scampered over to her, breathless with the tiny animal in his clutches.

“I was just playing Mama,” he said. His big brown eyes, so like his father’s, made it hard for her to be mad at him. Demelza knelt down and took the animal from him, inspecting it for any injury. 

“Yes my lover, but you have to remember Ebb is just a baby.  He’s not like Garrick. You must be gentle with him.”

Jeremy looked at the piglet squirming in Demelza’s arms and then up at his mother. 

“Alright, Mama,” he said.  He started to walk away then stopped when a thought came to him.

“Where’s Papa?”

Demelza stood up, still holding the pig moving to put it back in the pen with its family. Straightening up, she put a hand on her back and then went to Jeremy.

“Papa is down at the mine sweetheart. He has work to do but I’m sure he will be back when he’s finished.”

Not happy but accepting her answer, for now, he trotted off with Garrick at his heels. Demelza dropped wearily on a nearby bench, suddenly tired. The past couple of weeks found Demelza struggling to get through the days without taking a nap or losing the contents of her stomach.  She had a fairly good suspicion of what ailed her but seeing as how she and Ross had not reached that final step of reconciliation, was as not sure how her husband would take it.

They had been back from London almost a month. In that time, she and Ross had spent most of their time together, rebuilding their everyday lives as master and mistress of Nampara.  Demelza would see to the house, Jeremy, and the farm as she had while Ross was away and Ross would tend to the mine as well as Trenwith. The latter he did from afar with no in-person contact with anyone at the old Poldark estate.   This made the days pass quickly which led to the nights.  Demelza was still not ready for Ross to make the final move back into Nampara. It’s true that they had talked and confronted almost every issue that had parted them in the first place during their honeymoon in London. All except one. And that one obstacle still lived a mile or so away which was still too close for Demelza’s comfort. She needed Ross to face that ghost head on and exorcise it once and for all. As soon as she and he were sure he was free of those ties, they could come together fully as husband and wife. 

However, the rekindled conjugal bliss they had found in London was hard to tamper or ignore.  Ross and Demelza both found that the mutual need and want between them hadn’t waned.  On the contrary, the fact that they had chosen to keep their distance from each other fueled their desire. It was not having the thing you want most right at hand that made it more precious.  Not willing to halt relations during their reconciliation, they became creative in how they would meet and satisfy their hunger.  Some nights would find Ross staying just past Jeremy’s bedtime but leaving before the household woke.   Those times Demelza would lay in bed and watch him dress, leaving their room just long enough to make it appear that he hadn’t spent the night in her arms and body, seeking refuge from the daily grind of life.   On rare occasions when the mood struck in the midst of the day, Demelza would send word to the mine bidding Ross come find her usually at Dwight’s cottage. Letting herself in, she would anxiously wait for him, the anticipation of what was to come adding to their excitement.  It was during one of these rendezvous that she and Ross discussed how to reach the final step of total reconciliation and marriage.

_Ross lay in bed watching as Demelza slipped her corset on, weaving the cord through the grommets to lace it up again.  Her back was to him but she could tell he was staring._

_“Stop it, Ross,” she said.  Her voice slightly strained as her head was bent looking down at what she was doing, her fingers not cooperating._

_“Stop what my love?” he asked._

_Turning, she gave him a knowing smile._

_“You know what.  Looking at me as if I were…” she didn’t finish that sentence knowing that the thought would upset Ross._

_“Were what Demelza?”_

_Ross sat up now, the blankets covering his lower half as he ran a hand through his tousled hair. His eyes scanned the room for his breeches._

_“Are you looking for these, Ross?” Demelza held up the garment before tossing them on the bed. Throwing the quilt aside, Ross stood up and waited a moment before slipping on the garment._

_“No need to put on a show my love.  I have to get back to the house. I’m sure Jeremy will be wondering where I’ve been,” Demelza said pulling on her own dress._

_“I know,” Ross replied._

_He fastened his breeches and walked over to where Demelza stood, closing the last of the hook on her dress. Taking her in his arms, he kissed her, his hand going to caress her cheek._

_“Demelza. What were you going to say before?” he murmured into her hair._

_Demelza pulled back to look at his face._

_“When Ross?”  She played innocent knowing full well Ross wouldn’t let the topic alone._

_“Demelza,” he said._

_“Fine.  I was just thinking that these meetings in secret make me feel a bit like that woman Margaret,” she said softly._

_Ross couldn’t believe what she had said.  After all, they’d been through and talked about why she was still putting herself in a category far beneath her._

_“My love. You are not at all like Margaret.  Or anyone else.  And yes these little encounters are not how most married couples spend their time together but you have to admit, it has been fun finding these times to be alone, hasn’t it?”_

_He gave a smirk that she was hard-pressed to be mad at because he was right.  The hours they spent alone, sharing each other's bodies, talking in whispered voices and just focusing on themselves, have brought them closer together.  It allowed them to the Ross and Demelza they rediscovered in London and pushed them to bring their marriage full circle to what brought them together in the beginning._

_“Yes, Ross. They have been lovely.  Is it wrong that these illicit meetings are exciting even though we are married?  And that I like feeling like your mistress instead of your wife?”_

_Demelza got shy, her face taking on a pink hue as she blushed.  Ross found it endearing and brought her into his embrace again._

_“It’s not wrong. Remember what we said in London? That our love, in all forms, is nothing to be ashamed of.  And if, these little trysts help to keep our marriage from becoming common and ordinary, what is wrong with that?  I think most people we know would be jealous my love.”_

_Ross’s reasoning was hard to dispute so Demelza decided not to. She moved back to the bed to put on her shoes.  Sitting down she picked up the soft leather shoe but Ross took it out of her hands and put it on for her. He took his time tying the laces as his fingers grazed her stockings.  As always happened with them, the electricity crackled between them but they knew they had no time to act on it.  Ross finished his task and looked up at Demelza.  She grasped his face and pulled him up to her kissing him hard.  Their tongues tangled as his hands found her rib cage while hers went through his hair.  After a few minutes, Demelza pushed against Ross’s chest to get him to stop much as she wanted to continue._

_“Ross,” she whispered against his cheek, “As much as I would love to continue, I have to go.”_

_“I know,” he said._

_They stood up pulling themselves together but still touching each other.  Smiling at each other, they walked down the stairs holding hands, acting like newlyweds.  At the door, before exiting back into their real lives Ross turned Demelza towards him and said, “I love you Demelza.  More than ever.  I love you.”_

_She raised her hand, her finger tracing the fading scar on his cheek._

_“I know Ross.  I love you too.  I didn’t think that I would again, but you are my heart.”_

_“I want to be with you all the time Demelza.  The times we are apart are torture,” he said._

_“It’s the same for me.  And now you know how I felt that night and the days the followed,” she offered._

_“Yes, my love I do. More than I ever thought I would,” he said, his forehead touching hers. “Tell me what I need to do to come back to you Demelza.”_

_“You know Ross.  There is still the shadow of Elizabeth between us. Maybe not as strong as before but she is still there.”_

_“But my feelings for her are not Demelza. Those are very much over. You must believe that.” He was practically begging her for her understanding._

_“I do. For the most part Ross. But there is still a small part of me that worries that some way she will impart herself in our lives despite any effort you make to end things,” Demelza said._

_“Then I will make it my job to make sure that doesn’t happen, Demelza.  For what I want most of all to be your husband again in all ways,” Ross said._

_“I want that too my love,” she responded._

_“It will happen. And soon.”_

_They shared another kiss and started the walk up the hill to Nampara._

_“And what of your other interests Demelza?”_

_She stopped and looked at him with a quizzical look._

_“What are you talking about?” she asked._

_“Have you forgotten you’ve got half the men in the county besotted with you? Including George Warleggan?”_

_“You’re not serious?” she said incredulously._

_Ross said nothing but kept a steady gaze on her._

_“You are.  Ross, you know that none of those men meant anything to me,” Demelza argued._

_“Not even Malcolm McNeil?” he asked._

_“He least of all.  Now George Warleggan…”_

_She didn’t get a chance to finish that thought as he spun her around and kissed the thought out of her._

_Parting breathlessly, they both laughed at the direction the conversation took._

_“I don’t think George can do that,” Ross said with confidence._

_“No. I’m sure not,” Demelza said._

_“Well, then that’s settled. Give me a few days, my love and I will be back in our home.  Be prepared to welcome me with open arms,” he said._

That was almost a week ago and she knew that was working slowly towards severing the ties completely with the past.  As for her own issues with her shadows that have followed her, since she’d been back from London Malcolm and Hugh Bodrugan had both come around to see her.  And when they appeared at her doorstep she firmly but politely explained that she was not looking for any new attachments. That for the time being she was quite content with the status quo. Granted that they did not know the status quo included those assignations with Ross which kept both of them from getting complacent with each other. This is most likely what led to her current condition. Placing a hand on her belly she smiled thinking of the new life that was on the way.  Demelza knew that she needed to get moving and so forced herself back to work when she head hooves approaching. She assumed it was Ross and was prepared to greet him. What she wasn’t prepared for was the visitor who entered the yard.

“Lord Adderley,” she said trying to hide her surprised. “What brings you all this way?”

She could guess and nausea she felt in the morning returned.  The gentleman dismounted and slowly approached Demelza.  An uncomfortable feeling ran down her spine. Part of her wished Ross would return early just because she was not feeling well enough to deal with Adderley and whatever he was about.

“Mistress Poldark. You must know that since our meeting I have not been able to get you out of my thoughts I decided I must see what keeps you tied to your husband. And try to persuade you to perhaps join me for supper sometime.”

“Well, I’m afraid you’ve wasted a trip. I couldn’t possibly have supper with you. My son will be expecting me here as well as my husband.”

“From what I’ve been told your husband has seen fit to dine with others or so rumor has it.

Demelza bristled at the thought of gossipmongers telling tales about her marriage. She could guess who they were as well.

“Well, I’m sure they are mistaken. My husband dines at home most nights. And is quite satisfied I assure you.”

“Then I would love to sample what he tastes madam. It certainly seems you can dish up a tasty morsel.

He moved closer to Demelza who stood her ground thinking of a way to divert his maneuvers. Monk came to stand right in front of her and grasped her hand.  Trying to keep her stomach steady she let him hold it for a moment.

“Sir I believe you are presumptuous and I ask that you let me go.”

Monk kept his hands on Demelza. She pulled away so she could look him in the eye. 

“Lord Adderley, I must insist you give me my hand back,” she said a little more forcefully. 

He took the hint allowing Demelza to walk away and put some space between them.  His cologne was becoming noxious and adding to feeling ill.  She found herself by the pigpen whose scent was less annoying that Adderley’s.   Demelza was not expecting Monk to move that quickly towards her and soon found herself on the unwanted end of a kiss. It reminded her of the night Malcolm McNeil kissed her at Sir Hugh’s party.  As this was happening Demelza didn’t see Ross standing in the doorway watching the scene play out. He was primed to intercede but he let Demelza handle things for the time being.

One of the things they discussed during their many meeting during the road to reconciliation.  Ross realized he had to relinquish some of the power to Demelza when it came to handling family matters or more specific matters that directly affected her.  She had reminded him that during their separation and even before, while he was focused on Elizabeth and her life, she managed the farm, house, Jeremy; even issues with the mine and tenants. Add to that her juggling of suitors, and Ross was both humbled and proud of her tenacity.  So he knew that someone like Monk Adderley was no match for the urchin turned great lady who just happened to be his wife.

“Papa, you came!”

Jeremy had appeared from nowhere and latched on to Ross’s legs. Not wanting to draw attention to them, he picked up his son and carried him back into the kitchen, sitting down at the table. The boy climbed into his lap and began to play with the buttons on Ross’s vest.

“Jeremy let’s sit in here for awhile. Mama has a guest and we don’t wish to interrupt,” Ross tried to explain.

“Who?”

“Just a fancy peacock.”

Ross tried to sound serious but the smile on his face gave away what he was really feeling.

“What’s a peacock?” Jeremy asked sincerely.

“A type of bird that thinks they are very special and walk around showing off.”

The boy’s eyes widened.

“Mama has a bird?!  I want to see,” the little boy said trying to scramble away from his father.

“Not yet my boy. I have a feeling she’ll capture him soon enough,” Ross said.

The boy didn’t understand what his father was saying but it didn’t matter. He seemed happy just being with Ross and Ross was fine with that.  He let Jeremy amuse himself by tugging at his vest, tracing the buttons with his fingers while he just enjoyed watching him. Ross gazed at his son and noticed now much like Jeremy resembled his wife. His coloring might be Poldark but his bright eyes and all-consuming smile were Demelza’s.

“Papa? When are you coming home?”

He asked the questioned absently since he was fascinated with his father’s stubble and for the first time, the scar on his face.

“Soon I hope,” Ross answered softly.

“I miss you,” Jeremy said.

Ross felt a wealth of emotions run through him.

“I miss you too. And Mama. Very much.”

“She misses you too.  Sometimes he cries,” Jeremy said.

Ross could only imagine that it was when his idiocy first happened.

“I know. I only want mama to laugh now,” Ross replied.

Jeremy smiled as he slid off his lap was walking towards the door when a shriek came from the yard.   Ross jumped up, calling for his wife.

“Demelza!”

His son started to wail automatically as children will do when they are scared.  Ross went to scoop up Jeremy but the boy was too fast so he ran out behind him expecting to see Demelza in the clutches of Monk Adderley. The scene he came upon was much different. There in the yard stood his wife, hands on her hips, staring down into the pig pen where their guest lay amid the slop.

Jeremy ran to his mother’s side.

“Mama!”

Turning in time to catch him Demelza picked him up and swung him onto her hip, as a wave of dizziness came over her. Ross saw her sway and rushed to her side.

“Demelza, are you alright?” he asked.

He took a hold of her, rubbing her arms in a way that he knew would comfort her. She looked at his face and was tempted to tell him the truth but knew that now was not the time or place for such revelations.

“Fine.  I’m just a little weary. It’s been a long, trying day,” she explained with a quick glance at Monk on the ground.

Ross understood what she meant. Without a word passing between them, he walked over to Monk and held out a hand for him to grasp.

Monk was sputtering and fighting off the attentions of the piglets so it took him a minute to notice the hand being offered in assistance. 

“Papa, why is that man playing with the pigs?”

The sound of the little boy’s voice prompted Monk to look up where he met Ross’s glare and Jeremy’s curiosity.

“I don’t know Jeremy. Why don’t we help the gentleman up and then you can check on the pigs?”

With that Ross held his hand out to Monk again who took it this time letting Ross pull him to his feet. Refusing to look at Ross or Demelza, Monk tried to brush himself clean before hastily making his way out of the yard.   Exchanging glances, Ross and Demelza said nothing but struggled to keep from laughing.  Ross escorted their visitor to his horse.

“Listen, Adderley, I don’t know what impression you have of my wife from our short time together in London, but I would appreciate it if you would forget it.  Demelza is not available for any kind of socializing.”

“I’m sorry to hear that Poldark.  I thought if it could take her off your hands for a time, it would leave you free to pursue other interests,” Monk said as he pulled a handkerchief out of his sleeve and sniffed.

“Other interests?”

Ross fought hard to keep his fists at his side and not take a swing at this pompous ninny.  For all of George’s snobbery, Monk Adderley was of a different caliber. George couldn’t cause too much damage whereas Ross was sure Adderley would do whatever he could to ruin another person. If that was the case then Ross was going to make sure that Demelza was not a victim of his viciousness.

“Why yes?  That cousin of yours at Trenwith? Is it true that you were once promised to each other and she married your cousin instead?  That must have been some blow,” Monk said. 

It was clear that he was recovered from his humiliation since he was determined to serve some to Ross instead.

“That is true. Elizabeth did marry my cousin.  But that was many years ago.  We are talking about my wife and your unsolicited interest in her,” Ross said.

“Are you sure it’s unsolicited? If I remember correctly she seemed quite open to my attentions in London.”

“She was being polite in London society nothing more.  So I suggest you find your way back to where you came from,” Ross said making sure that Monk understood his visit was over. 

Demelza on the other hand was going to make sure Monk was alright to ride when Jeremy ran between them with Ebb in his hands.

“Aren’t you going to say goodbye to Ebb?” the little boy said holding it up to Monk.

Demelza watched at her son’s innocent gesture and despite the circumstances was moved at his open-hearted kindness.  She reached over and linked her hand with Ross’s.  He looked down and then at her face and saw tears form.

“Demelza what is wrong, my love?” he asked.  He was worried that Monk had done something to her before they got outside.

“Look at Jeremy. He amazes me. Every time I think he can’t surprise me he does something else. Where did he get such a sweet demeanor?”

“Do you really have to ask?  He’s your son Demelza”

Spinning towards Ross and touching his cheek, she corrected him.

“He’s our son, Ross.”

Smiling at her, Ross kissed her lightly, his thumbs brushing the tears from her cheek.

“Yes, he is, my love.  He most definitely our son.  This is why I think I should rescue Monk before he’s sorry he came here.”

“I think I did that already, Ross,” she said as she rubbed her wrist.

“Demelza did he hurt you?”

“No.  I just didn’t think it would take much force to push him away.”

Ross looked at Demelza and then Monk as he mounted his horse. Once again he was amazed at his wife’s fortitude. They watched as Monk left, and then walked back to the bench to see Jeremy checking on the pigs. Ross noticed that his wife looked a little worse for wear and hoped it was nothing serious. Demelza went to Jeremy to make sure that he didn’t get too deep into the pen allowing Ross to observe the mother and child bond.   Satisfied that their son was not going to get into mischief, Demelza returned to sit next to Ross. 

“You know, Jeremy asked me when I was coming home,” Ross said. 

The discussion was open again.  Ross was ready to come back to Nampara and pick up his life with his family. Demelza was still hesitant. She looked down at her hands as they were clasped in her lap. Ross covered them with him, his thumb rubbing her wedding ring.

“Demelza? Are you questioning my moving home?” he asked. 

There was a true concern in his voice that maybe she was having second thoughts even after their positive steps towards reconciliation in London.

“No, not really.  It’s just that I need to know that _you’re_ not questioning. That your obligation and feelings for Elizabeth are over,” she said.

Ross took a minute before answering as if he used the wrong terminology they could be right back where they were months ago.

“I can’t say that Demelza. In truth, a part of me will always have some feelings for her.  Geoffrey Charles is still my family and we are bound by that.  She was a large part of my life, of my youth and it is that love and memory that I carry with me. However, it is nothing and as I have come to realize, never was, anything like my love for you. Elizabeth is my past and because of what I learned from that, it allowed me to find and love you.”

He kept his hands on her while he spoke but didn’t dare look at her for he knew that if he did, his emotions would get in the way of logic and he knew that in this instance, he needed to be the logical one.

“I see,” Demelza said. “And what of her marriage to George? Are you still opposed? Will it bother you to see them together? Will you wish that you could have stopped it? Will you be upset knowing that George is having her body and soul?”

She ran out of breath partially from running on, the other because she was fighting back tears. Demelza knows that part of her emotional reaction was due to hormones from her condition. The other stemmed from the niggling thought that as long as Elizabeth was nearby, Ross would still have a tie to her. The way to eliminate that was unknown to her. She had to work through it on her own but his help would be appreciated.

“Demelza, I was actually on my way to Trenwith to speak with Elizabeth and tell her where things stand. I think perhaps I should wait until tomorrow. You seem upset and unlike yourself.”

“Don’t change your plans on my account,” she said, her tone harsher than she intended.

“I’m not. You and Jeremy are my first priority,” Ross said.

Demelza lifted her head to see the sincerity in her husband’s face.

“My love,” he started. “Since before our trip to London, I thought I made it clear that you and you alone have my heart. Whatever actions I may have done in the past are just that: the past. And to prove that why don’t you come with me to Trenwith tomorrow?”

She stared at her husband, not quite believing what he said.

“You want me to go with you to the place that has been the cause of our troubles?”

“Yes.”

“You’re mad Ross. Why would I do that? And why do think Elizabeth would allow it?”

“First I want you by my side. We are together in all things going forwards. Isn’t that what we agreed to?”

“Yes but this is different.”

“How is it different? If anything it’s more important. I want you there so you can see without a doubt how things have changed.  Also, Elizabeth needs to see that you are my wife now and forever. Plus I think Agatha would like to see you.”

Ross added that last part because he knew that Demelza had a soft spot for his maiden aunt.  As expected, Demelza knew what he was doing but still mulled over his words and saw what he was trying to do. He was trying to show her what she meant to him. What was she afraid of?

“I thank you for thinking I should but if we are truly to trust each other, we need to put that into action. Ross I don’t need to go with you,” Demelza said barely above a whisper. 

She took a deep breath trying to relax, hoping the new wave of nausea would pass without her having to make a quick escape to empty her stomach.  Again Ross got the impression that something was not right with Demelza.  He wanted to push her for an explanation but didn’t want to upset her further.

“Alright my love,” he said.

The sat in companionable silence until that was abruptly broken by the wailing of their son. The calmness over, Ross and Demelza went to Jeremy’s side to see him on the ground, covered in mud with Garrick standing over him.

“What happened?” his father asked.

“Garrick wasn’t playing nice and he pushed me!”

Ross wanted to laugh at the site in front of him because it reminded him of Demelza in the early days of their relationship. She must have sensed that same thing for she gave him a warning look that he understood.

“Come here my lover,” Demelza said. “Let’s get you cleaned up and then maybe we can find you a story to read before bed. Would you like that?”

Jeremy looked at his parents and his whimpering stopped.

“Can papa stay and read me a story?”

Feeling sentimental and wanting Ross to stay herself, Demelza agreed.

“Yes, Papa can stay. But first, he has some business to attend to.”

 She held Jeremy on her hip as she walked to Ross.

“Go to Trenwith & settle things,” she said.

“Then what, Demelza?”

Ross was hopeful but was prepared to hear Demelza tell him that they still needed to wait.

“Then go to Dwight’s and bring your things home.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only two more chapters left for this one.....Thank you all for reading, commenting and supporting.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ross visits Trenwith. Demelza finds a letter. And someone has some news

Once again Ross found himself outside the gates of his family home. And once again it was to confront the person that he believed was going to be his lifelong partner.  In the recent past the way he dealt with issues at Trenwith was impulsively and as he learned, that created more issues than needed.  Those lessons led to his visit today where he was going to tell the person he wronged that whatever they had was most assuredly over.  Ross was ready to let go of the past fully, keep Elizabeth as a fond memory and nothing more.  If the months separated from Demelza did anything it was to make him see what true love was.  When he was apart from Elizabeth for three years while fighting in America, he missed her but his heart didn’t ache.  Yet with Demelza, not only did his arms feel empty but his soul did as well.  She had become a part of him where Elizabeth was just an idea he thought he needed to live. Ross knew that if Demelza was ever taken from him, he wouldn’t be able to go on.  His mission in this visit was to solidify the understanding with Elizabeth and George that he was removing himself from their lives to live his own. However, they chose to live theirs was no longer his concern.

He brought Darkie to a stop outside the door.  Swinging off his horse, Ross knocked and waited to be let in.   His back was turned so he didn’t notice the door opening.

“Ross?”

George Warleggan’s voice hit Ross’s ears sending a feeling of dread through him. He was prepared to deal with Elizabeth but not George.  He turned around and nodded.

“George.  This is a surprise.  I didn’t expect to see you here.  Is Elizabeth here?”

Not waiting for an answer, Ross walked passed his nemesis with confidence, entering his family home as if he belonged there. George stood aside then followed him into the grand hall.

“Yes, I believe she is upstairs. You can talk to me first though.  I’m not sure she wants to see you.”

“Why don’t you send for her and we can ask her?” Ross said.

He walked further into the room putting his hat on a nearby table when he saw Agatha sitting in her usual spot with her tarot cards and a glass of port.  Ross went over to greet her while he waited for Elizabeth to appear.

“Aunt,” he said taking her hand to kiss it.

“My boy, you’re still around.  It’s been so long since we’ve seen you I thought you had left us,” Agatha said.

“Yes I’m still here and plan on staying now that I have much to stay for,” he told her.

His aunt looked at him with a squint and wondered if he was going back to his reckless ways by obsessing about Elizabeth.

“Is that why you are here?”

Agatha was wary at what exactly her nephew was thinking.  She thought she got through to both he and his bud about their foolishness.  But if he was here, it could not bode well.

“In a way.  I needed to speak to Elizabeth,” Ross said. 

He knew from his aunt’s face that she believed he was coming back to beg Elizabeth to take him.  Part of him was insulted that she would think that and the other part as anxious to let her see how he changed. Ross helped himself to a glass of port himself as he gave his aunt a wink. Agatha was catching on and hoped that what Ross was going to do would end this nonsense once and for all.  She was about to ask him what his plan was but Elizabeth and George entered the room.

“Ross,” Elizabeth said as she approached him.  “What are you doing here?” 

She stayed calm and kept her focus on Ross’s face. He could tell she was silently begging him not to reveal anything of their fateful encounter.  Ross had no intention of mentioning that now or ever again. To him, that night was like a drunkard’s blackout episode: experienced under the influence and subconsciously forgotten to avoid remembering at a later date.  It wasn’t a memory Ross sought out to associate with Elizabeth but he couldn’t deny it happened. What he could do was put it away, learn from it and move on.  He hoped Elizabeth had decided to do the same.

“Actually I’m glad that I have both of you here.  I wanted to tell you that any future dealing regarding Trenwith or business with the mine can go through Harris Pascoe.  I have given him my power of attorney to handle anything I would do myself.  I think under the circumstances and your forthcoming marriage to George, that my inclusion in your life should be limited to only what is absolutely necessary.”

“Does that mean I would see you nephew?” Agatha asked.

George was poor at hiding his pleasure in this statement as the smirk on his face showed his pleasure.  He moved closer to Elizabeth who stood there speechless. Was Ross saying what she thought he was?  That he was simply going to put what transpired between them aside as if it never happened and go on with his life?  And if that was the case, why did she feel abandoned?

Ross went to his aunt and knelt in front of her.

“Yes Aunt, either I will come see you or you can come to Nampara,” he stated.

Elizabeth’s eyes widened at that.

“Nampara?  Are you back home?” she asked.

“Not that it concerns you but yes I am,” he answered.

“I thought Demelza had asked you to leave.  And that she had found others,” Elizabeth said.

Curious as to how she knew so much about his situation with Demelza he surmised that George filled her in on anything she hadn’t found out herself.  Demelza had told him that Elizabeth had visited her and what their conversation consisted of. 

“Others? What kind of others Elizabeth?  Oh, you mean your fiancée here?”

Ross was done with niceties and just wanted this visit to be over.

Elizabeth was taken aback at Ross’s bluntness. He was never one to face unpleasant topics head-on.  He preferred ignoring them.

“George was just amusing himself with your…wife.”

“I see,” he said.

Then turning his attention to George went on.

“Is that why he gave her gifts and offered to make her his mistress?”

Clearly, that was news to Elizabeth as she spun around to look George whose gaze went from his fiancée to his enemy.

“George is this true?  Did you ask that scullery maid to be your mistress?”

George was not prepared for the conversation to turn to what he did in this whole escapade so he scrambled to explain.

“My dear, it was just a ruse. A way for me to get her to admit that her marriage to Ross was nothing more than a sham and that, if given the opportunity, she would take any man that came her way. I was not the only one who paid her attention, isn’t that right Ross?”

Now it was Ross who was irritated that this man dare try and defile his wife.

“I’m not sure what you are driving at George. I do know that Sir Hugh looked in on her while I was away as a courtesy.  I thought that was kind of him,” Ross said.

“And what of McNeil?  I saw how she led him on at Werry House. Do you mean to tell me you honestly believe she had no ulterior motive with him?  That she wouldn’t take him up on an offer if given?”

The smugness on George’s face was not accomplishing what he hoped as Ross wasn’t upset as he had hoped.

“You mean how Elizabeth took up an offer from you?”

Ross hadn’t intended on that kind of harsh response but it was too late to retrieve it. 

“Hardly.  What Elizabeth and I have is a mutual respect and understanding. Despite your efforts to intercede, she and I will be married as planned.”

Now he was confused. George spoke as if he knew what had occurred between him and Elizabeth. Before he spoke again he glanced at Elizabeth and saw the almost imperceptible shake of her head warning Ross to not go any further.

“I don’t know what efforts you think I performed except that I did speak to Elizabeth and tell her that I thought her marrying you seemed like an act of desperation, not love. Now, after seeing the two of you together, I find I was mistaken in trying to stop it.  Demelza was right.  Both of you can give each other what you need.  And while it might not be what I would want in a marriage, it seems to suit you. So back to the original reason for my visit.”

He paused as George came to stand next to Elizabeth and took her hand.  It was not lost on Ross that she flinched ever so slightly which he found amusing. But he couldn’t get distracted as he wanted this visit to end so he could return to Nampara and start his life again with Demelza.

“As I was saying, Harris Pascoe has my power of attorney to attend to all things related to the business of Trenwith and the mine,” he stated.

“Yes, Ross we understand. So if that is all you have to say,” George interjected.

“There is one more thing George.  This house is still home to my great aunt and nephew.  Do not think to use them in any way against me or my family or I will not be responsible for my actions.  I want nothing further to do with you or your new wife, but I will, no matter what, be involved in their welfare if the need arises.  Is that clear?”

George straightened his back and was searching for a retort but didn’t think it worth the effort. He was focused on Ross’s speech and what it meant to him.  This would mean that Ross Poldark would leave them alone and he could conduct business as he saw fit. No matter if it was his own or that of Trenwith.  And if gaining this estate meant putting up with an old woman and a brat of his wife, he would. For now. 

“I see. Well, Ross, it seems you’ve thought of everything,” George said.

“You sound skeptical.  Is there something you wish to add?”

“No.  Just that once we are married next week I do hope that you don’t find some excuse to come around.”

“Have no fear.  I’m sure I will be too busy with my own affairs to worry about yours.  And the only reason I will return here is to visit my aunt. But I’m sure we can arrange it so that our paths don’t cross,” Ross said. 

Then turning to Elizabeth said a little more softly,” Is that acceptable Elizabeth?”

She was at a loss for words as this whole scene did not play out as she thought it would.  Perhaps she was deluded to think that George and Ross would actually fight for her and that was a disappointment.

“Yes,” she said quietly.

“Good,” Ross said. “Then I believe there is nothing more to say.”

Ross went to Agatha to bid her farewell.

“Aunt, I have to go but if you need anything, just send word.  And I promise to come visit soon,” he said.

Agatha’s eyes sparkled with pride. Ross’s attitude and demeanor showed that of a grown man and not a petulant child. If she got the chance, she would thank that little bud of his for teaching him a lesson.

“I am counting on it. And next time bring your little bud.  And your children.”

Ross smiled at her mistake putting it down to her advanced age.

“I only have a son Aunt.  There are no other children,” he corrected.

Agatha grinned and turned over one of her cards.  Her hand lingered on the stiff paper when she looked up at her nephew.

“For the time being.  But mark my words.  Something is coming.”

Ross said nothing.  He wasn’t going to argue with a woman who was close to ninety.

“Very well.”

Walking towards George and Elizabeth, he said,” I’ll see myself out.”

With that, he strode through the great hall and out to the light not giving a second glance to his family home. He would let the memories of is when he was a child playing with Verity and Francis be what he remembered. Now all he wanted to do was go to Dwight’s, get the few things that were there and go home.

Jumping on Darkie, he spurred the horse down the gravel path and through the gate towards his renewed life.

*~*~*~*~*

Demelza was straightening up the house having neglected it since they returned from London.  She had not had time to hang the curtains they bought for the library and thought today was a perfect time to do it.  If Ross was moving back home to start a new life, then replacing the old with the new was a good way to start.  She moved a chair so that she could reach the curtain rod.  As she was about to step up on it, a wave of nausea came over her again and she grabbed onto the back of the chair to steady herself.  At that moment Jeremy came toddling in with Garrick close behind. His face was covered in jam and his hand held a well-eaten scone.

“Mama are you alright?”

He plopped himself down on the floor to watch her as Garrick worked diligently at snatching the food out of his hand.

“I’m fine my love.  Just a little tired.  Why don’t you go back in the kitchen with Prudie and finish that while we wait for Papa to come home?” she said.

The boy jumped up.

“Papa is coming home?” he asked excitedly.

Demelza bent down to his level not feeling strong enough to pick him up right now.

“Yes.  So I think he would be upset if he saw jam on our new curtains don’t you?”

Jeremy nodded a little sullenly then turned to do as his mother said. Demelza watched him leave before taking a few deep breaths and closing her eyes in an attempt to quell her queasiness.  She would wait to hang those curtains until Ross returned to help.  Taking a few deep breaths she stood and smoothed down her skirts, her hand lingering on her still flat belly.  She wanted to tell Ross of their coming child but needed to find the right time.  Demelza didn’t want it to be a reason for his return or staying.  Shaking the last shadow of doubt about taking Ross back fully, Demelza got up and walked around the room, her fingers grazing the furniture just as it had those years ago when she thought she would have to leave.  Before she took matters into her own hands and showed Ross just how much he meant to her.  Before the night that changed everything.  Before their lives became one and they went through more than most couples experience in a lifetime.

She moved some papers on Ross’s desk that had not been touched since he was gone.  Demelza never understood why Ross would leave things strewn around when there were plenty of drawers to put things away.  Opening the top one so that she could find room for some extra parchment she came across what appeared to be a letter addressed to her.  It was Ross’s handwriting but she couldn’t fathom what it might be.  And then it occurred to her that perhaps it was a letter telling her he was going to leave her for Elizabeth after all.  Her hand shook as she lifted it, bringing it closer to her face. She rubbed the edge with her finger but was unable to open it. She felt faint. Sitting down in Ross’s chair, she just looked at the paper, her breath quickening.  _This can’t be happening_.  _There must be an explanation_.

“Explanation for what?”

Ross appeared at the door, saddlebag and hat in hand.  He stepped into the room and saw that Demelza was upset.  Demelza lifted her head slowly to look at him not realizing that she had spoken her thought out loud.  Her eyes were clouded in something he couldn’t quite put his finger on.  Again he sensed that something was wrong and it was not just fatigue.  He came to her side, dropping his things on the nearby table with a thud as he passed and knelt beside the chair.

“My love, what is it?  Demelza please, something is wrong. Tell me. Is it Jeremy? We promised no more secrets,” Ross said. 

He was beginning to panic that something was seriously wrong with her or Jeremy.She said nothing but just held up the letter.  Ross didn’t see it at first as he was focused on her face. When he saw what she held, his stomach lurched as he knew exactly what that letter contained.  He had hoped never to see it again because of what it represented.  Even more, he hoped that Demelza would never have a need to read it.  It was written at a time when he wasn’t sure if the decision he was making was the right one for them as a family or just a selfish act boosted by his ego.  Seeing it brought back a flood of memories of a time that he was less than proud of especially as to how it affected Demelza.

“Where did you find that?” he asked her.

“In the drawer of your desk. I was putting some things away and saw it.  I wasn’t spying if that’s what you are thinking Ross.  It was an accident but clearly you didn’t want me to find it,” she said, her voice filling with emotion.

“That’s not true. I had forgotten about it as I wrote it so long ago. I’m surprised the seal hasn’t cracked,” he said trying to lighten the mood.

Demelza wasn’t having it but she also was not going to let him get out of telling her the truth.

“Tell me, Ross.  Is this the letter you wrote saying you were going to leave me for Elizabeth?”

Her tone was not bitter but sad, almost resigned.  As if she expected it. Ross knew what was going through her mind and he needed to quash that thought immediately.

“Oh, my love you are so wrong.  That letter has absolutely nothing to do with Elizabeth.  And everything to do with you,” he said, taking her hands and kissing them.

Demelza looked at him now, her eyes filling with tears that she refused to release.  He took the letter from her hands and slid his finger under the flap to open it.  Ross scanned the words he had written. It seemed like a lifetime ago when it really was only a few years.  The reason for the letter came back to him along with the feelings he had at what was the darkest part of their lives since the loss of Julia.

“Do you want to read it?” he asked gently. 

He held the paper out to her, his hand shaking.  Demelza was surprised at that since things like letters rarely upset Ross. Her need to know outweighed any pride she had and so she took it from him.  Brushing her eyes to stop the tears, she held the paper with both hands and read.

_My most beloved wife Demelza,_

_If the worst should happen and we are parted from this world, I want you to know that my life was nothing before I met you.  That day at Redruth market was the luckiest day of my life and all the days after, while not always easy were always better because you were in them._

_My love, for you are the love of my life, words cannot adequately express what is in my heart.  I know that losing Julia has been the hardest blow for us both. Yet somehow you find the strength to go on and it is that strength that I need you to rely on now and in the days to come. Know that I am truly sorry for all the heartache and pain I have put you through in our years together.  You were never deserving of that.  What you were deserving of was my devotion and love, which will never end even if my life does._

_I hope that after some time passes you will forget the bad and remember the good, for there were many of those.  Those are the thoughts that I will take with me, wherever I end up._

_And if fate hands us the ultimate blow, you must go on, my love, in the best way you see fit.  I trust in your common sense, Demelza, to guide you in the future.  But know that I will always be with you._

_Your devoted and ever loving husband,_

_Ross_

Demelza’s head stayed bowed over the paper and Ross could see the tears staining the parchment.  She realized then that it was his goodbye letter to her written during his trial.  Feeling foolish she looked at Ross who only wanted to gather her in his arms and show her that they were not just words written in haste under dire circumstances.  He was about to do that when he saw the paper flutter to the ground and felt Demelza’s hands grab his face.  She searched it for a moment before kissing him. Ross was surprised but didn’t hesitate to respond.  A moan escaped his lips as Demelza’s tongue forced its way into his mouth.  He needed air as well as to find out what she was up to.

“Demelza, wait,” he said pushing against her slightly so he could see her face.

She was gasping for air. Her face was flushed and her hands never left his face.  Demelza now held it with tenderness, her eyes still tearful but with happiness.

“Ross, I am sorry I doubted you.  This letter…”  She couldn’t finish her thought because if she did they would have to talk about that time in their lives.

“It’s true Demelza. Every word is the truth,” Ross replied.

“I know,” she whispered.

Ross stood and brought her to her feet.  Now he was the one who needed to touch and hold her. He bent down and kissed her but not with the fervor she displayed.  His kiss was full of total and complete love.  Her hands threaded through his hair, as her mouth received his kiss.

 Parting again for air,  Demelza said, “Welcome home Ross.”

He smiled at her, his thumbs brushing the wisps of hair out of her face, kissing her randomly on her cheeks, forehead, eyelids, and mouth.

“It’s good to be home, my love.”

The passion between them returned this time prompting Demelza to push Ross’s coat off his shoulder, letting it drop to the floor.  She then went to untie her top when Ross stopped her.

“Demelza, I would love to continue this but I think it best we do it somewhere more private.”

“We can shut the door Ross,” she said impatiently working her fingers over his vest.

“That is all well and good but you do have a tendency to be, well, enthusiastic to say the least,” he said with a smirk.

Demelza stared at him, not quite believing what he was implying.

“Am I?  Why didn’t you ever tell me?” she asked, now embarrassed.

“Because I love it when you love me like that.  So…”

With that Ross scooped her up and carried her out of the library.  Jeremy saw what his father was doing and questioned what was going on.

“Is mama sick?”

Ross and Demelza looked down at their son trying not to laugh but unable to stop the blush coming upon both of them.

“No Jeremy. She is just tired.  I’m going to put mama to bed,” Ross said.

“Like me?” the little boy asked.

Demelza answered him this time.

“Yes, my lover, like you.  And when I’ve rested I’ll come read to you. Would you like that?” Demelza asked.  

She fought to keep her voice calm, even though her heart was beating out of her chest and her body was thrumming with need.  Jeremy nodded then trotted back into the kitchen, his attention over whatever it was his parents were doing.  They watched him go then turned to each other and broke out into matching grins. Demelza leaned towards Ross and pulled his head down for a kiss.

“Well my man, are you going to stand here all day or take me to bed?”

Without another word, Ross bounded up the stairs two at a time reaching their bedroom in seconds. Demelza kicked the door closed with her foot before Ross crossed the room and dropped her on the bed.  She looked up at him from her position on the coverlet, her hair splayed out on the pillows, her skirt hiked up by her knees. Ross stared down at her, reminded again of how they got to this place. Looking at his wife now as she sat up, grabbed him by his vest and pulled her down to him, he could not believe she was the same girl he brought home ten years before. Nor could he forget that she was the young woman who casting aside any fears or thoughts of ruining her reputation, gave herself to him willingly when he needed the comfort of another human being.  Now as she made away with his vest and pushed his braces off his shoulders, she was the woman he loved and desired. A woman who could take care of herself because she was resourceful but whom, when she allowed it, was vulnerable and needed to be cherished.  If it took the rest of his life, he vowed to be the person who took care of her needs no matter what they were.

“Demelza,” he said as she kissed his chest where his shirt was opened, her hands pulling it out of his waistband.  He was going to try and speak again but put that thought out of his mind as he felt her hands on the buttons of his breeches, opening the flap quickly, pushing them down and sliding her hands around to his bum, giving it a squeeze.

She lay back down, glanced at his very ready body and without ceremony, deftly opened her corset to free her swollen breasts. Her pregnancy made them even more sensitive than usual, so when Ross made contact with one distended nipple, she yelped.  Clasping his head to her chest she didn’t say anything to deter him since Ross seemed to take her reaction as excitement to his touch rather than anything else.  The passion rose quickly, causing Demelza to squirm, her body aching for Ross to fill her. She wondered why it seemed her sexual need was on overdrive and she recalled when she was with child before, her desire for him was constant. She felt the same way now.  Guiding his head to her other breast she then pulled her skirts up and out of the way, opening herself to her husband. Ross felt rather than saw what she was doing and without stopping what he was doing, slipped a hand down between them and touched her womanhood.  It was slick and hot and ready for their connection.  He caressed her swollen flesh for only a moment when he heard Demelza’s cries.

“Please Ross, there is time for gentleness later tonight. For now just be with me,” she pled.

Ross lifted his head to look at his wife. Her pupils were dilated and her skin was flushed. Her lips were swollen from their kisses as her tongue snaked out to lick her lips.  He felt the need to taste her again and kissed her, hard just as his body entered hers without hesitation and he was home.  Her sheath seemed to hug his member, holding him fast inside her.  Ross broke the kiss to look at Demelza as he started moving against her. His thrusting was slow but after one or two motions, Demelza picked up the pace by lifting her hips and gyrating them in a rhythmic ballet.  Ross caught on easily and followed her lead.  Soon the room was filled with the sounds of their bodies connecting with each other as their groans echoed off the wall.

“Demelza,” Ross called. “I can’t…I mean…are you…”

He didn’t know quite how to tell her that he was on the brink of release but it seemed he didn’t have to because in an instant he felt his wife’s body contract around his own, the force of her pulsations so intense that it felt as though she was extracting his seed from his body into hers.  With a final groan and push against her groin, Ross fell onto his wife, his mouth still moving in tiny kisses around her neck and face. Demelza closed her eyes as she cradled her husband against her chest, soothing him back to her.

“I love you, Ross.  I love you,” she murmured into his hair. 

She kissed his hair, as she played with his curls.  Her legs fell from around his body as it withdrew from hers, yet they didn’t move. Ross stopped kissing her to look at her face.

“Marry me Demelza,” he said lifting up a bit to move to her side. 

He straightened out her skirt and pulled her against his chest, her bare breasts still tender against the linen of his shirt.  His naked lower half was pressed against her hip but their current state of dress or undress was not uppermost in their minds.  Ross repeated his statement to Demelza.

“Did you hear what I said?  Marry me.”

Demelza smiled.

“We’re already married,” she informed him.

“Yes but you deserve a real wedding in front of G-d, our friends, and our family.  I want everyone to know, everyone who has ever judged, gossiped or shunned us to know that I am so proud to be your husband,” he said.

She raised herself up on an elbow to face him, her nose brushing his.

“Ross, you’re mad.  What will people think? Having a wedding after all these years?”

“I think it’s a perfect idea.  We said in London that we were starting our marriage over. What better way than with a ceremony?” he said with the utmost logic.

Demelza shook her head because she knew he was not going to be deterred.

“And when were you planning on this wedding Ross?” she asked.

“Well, we missed our anniversary so perhaps around Christmas or New Year?  We could make it a double celebration,” Ross suggested.

Demelza lay back down knowing that the winter was not practical.  She got very still.  Ross felt the change in her mood and tried to see the expression on her face.

“Demelza is something wrong?” he asked.

“No it’s just that maybe we shouldn’t wait that long,” she said slowly.

“Alright. I’d remarry you tomorrow if I could,” he replied.

“Thank you.  I’d marry you too,” she said.

“So is that a yes?”

Moving so that she could see him clearly Demelza said, “Yes Ross that’s a yes.” 

She slid back down into his embrace glancing at his still naked body and deciding that now, while Ross was in a vulnerable state was the time to share her news.

“Besides I think sooner rather than later is probably best considering.”

Her voice was casual and gave away nothing. Ross was breathing slow and steady, indicating he was dozing off.

“Considering what?”

“I’m with child again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more to go.....


	15. Epilogue/Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wedding and a surprise guest.....

The wedding of Ross Poldark and Demelza Carne Poldark took place a few weeks after he returned to Nampara and she revealed her news. They chose the time right around the harvest moon hoping it would bring good luck.   Ross’s shock at the news that a child was coming made Demelza laugh especially considering the position they were in when she told him. She had to explain to him that it would have been more of a surprise if this hadn’t happened since their ‘activities’ since London had been consistent and constant.  After it settled in his mind, Ross was happier than Demelza had ever seen him.  A new child to start a new life was a sure sign that this was a true new beginning.  So it was decided that they would reserve the church for a day in October.  Demelza would only be about three months along but if history repeated itself she would not be showing and no one would be wiser.

Fall was mild so that after church they held the celebration at Nampara with friends and family flowing out of the house into the yard.  The ceremony itself was traditional and romantic with Ross reciting his vows with a conviction he didn’t have the first time they were married. Demelza cried even though she tried not to and again attributed it to hormones.  Of course, no one knew of her condition, not even Jeremy or Prudie.  Demelza insisted that the news of their coming child be one secret they kept between themselves for the time being.  With their reconciliation new to those in their circle and now this wedding, announcing that a child was on the way would just set tongues wagging again. Ross agreed to Demelza’s wishes as another concession to not push the boundaries of society.  The time had come to lose some of the recklessness become a respectable country squire.

Demelza laughed at that knowing full well that Ross would never totally lose his wild ways. If the need arose he’d channel those again.  Now as she stood in her parlor looking at the number of people who had come to congratulate them she was filled with a multitude of emotions.  The first being simple happiness.   Happiness because she was surrounded by all she wanted and needed. Friends, family, a warm home, a life that provided the necessities to sustain them and finally a peace of mind that they had come out of ruin to a prosperous life.  The second was love.  Love of this home and life, of her friends and family but more importantly love of her husband.  She never thought that her heart would allow itself to feel that emotion again in its entirety having been shattered.  Yet her Ross worked at putting the pieces back together again.  This time she felt it was unbreakable, no matter what life sent them.  There was a third feeling and that was grateful. Demelza was grateful that the trials she and Ross had gone through over the past few years taught them each something about themselves as well as each other and those lessons brought them to an equal level in their marriage and as people. Demelza no longer felt like the guttersnipe raised to become a great lady.  With her reconciliation to Ross, she felt she was a great lady who attained that title not by learning how to set a table or curtsey but by being loved by a great man.  And she hoped that her love did the same for Ross.

She was contemplating this notion when a glass of port appeared in front of her.  Smiling she turned to her side to see the handsome face of her husband gazing back at her.

“My love?  Is everything well?” he asked.

Ross’s concern in the weeks since she told him of her condition has been bordering on over attentive. While Demelza loved his attention and his obvious joy at their adding to their family, she didn’t appreciate his becoming her shadow as they planned this wedding. Now that this event was coming to an end, she hoped he’d go back to mining and leave the house to her.

“I’m fine Ross,” she said.

Lifting a hand to his cheek she caressed his stubble covered face before he took it and kissed the ring on her finger.

“I don’t want you getting overtired.  If you need to rest I will make your excuses,” he offered.

Demelza raised an eyebrow as she smiled at him as she pulled him aside.  Leaning close to his ear she practically whispered.

“Ross. Stop fussing like a mother hen.  I’m fine.  I feel no different with this child than I did with Julia or Jeremy.  In fact, I feel better than I ever,” she said.

Ross did have to admit that she seemed to glow.  Since she told him of their child, he watched as she fell back into their normal routine of life that was interrupted by his foolishness.  In fact, their new marriage was better than the old because there were no shadows or barriers between them.  True to their vows in London they talked about anything and everything no matter how big or small.  It was a new way of living for Ross which took getting used to but for Demelza, he would learn to change his ways. 

“I’m not fussing Demelza.  I’m being a caring and devoted husband.  If you prefer I can go back to just worrying about the mine,” he teased.

“No,” she answered quickly.  “I most assuredly like this Ross Poldark.”

A smirk came across his face as he leaned in to kiss her.

“I’m glad.  Because I like you too,” he replied.

They gravitated towards each other again for a kiss, ignoring that they were in a room full of people.

“Ross, I’m not sure your aunt would approve of your behavior,” a voice said.

Pulling apart, the ‘newlyweds’ saw their friend Caroline Enys standing next to them with Aunt Agatha.

“Nephew, I see you are making the most of marriage,” his aunt said in her gravelly voice.

“Aunt!  I am.  And I’m so glad you could come. I was worried that George wouldn’t let you out of Trenwith,” Ross said as he took her hand and kissed it.

“Poppycock! That strutting peacock can’t tell me what to do. Besides, do you think I would pass up a chance to drink port and eat cake?” she said.

Ross looked over her head at Caroline who exchanged a smile with him.

“Where’s Dwight?” Ross asked as Agatha walked towards Demelza.

“He’ll be along shortly.  He had to meet his new apprentice,” Caroline explained.

“Apprentice? Is he taking on an assistant?”

Going to the cabinet, Ross poured Caroline a glass of port as they continued their conversation.

“Yes. I’ve finally convinced my overworking husband to get someone to help him. I don’t know much about this person except he’s young and eager,” Caroline said as she sipped her drink.

“Well I hope this person allows him to spend more time with you,” Ross said.

“Me too.”

The friends looked over to where Demelza was in conversation with Agatha.  Ross was going to rescue his bride but thought better of it when he saw the broad smile on Demelza’s face followed by her bending down and kissing his aunt on the cheek.  It was quite a change from that first Christmas he took her to Trenwith and his aunt compared Demelza and Elizabeth to now when it seemed to of the most important women in his life were more than friends.

He needed to know what they were talking about so excused himself from Caroline’s side to join Agatha and Demelza. Pouring another glass of port for his aunt he sidled up next to Demelza and handed Agatha the glass.

“You two seem to be enjoying yourselves.  Can I ask what has you both in such a jovial mood?”

The women exchanged glances, and then Agatha spoke.

“Tis none of your concern my boy but if you must know I told your bud here that I believe the child she is carrying will be a girl,” Agatha said.

Ross was surprised Agatha mentioned the baby since Demelza was adamant about keeping the news private.

“Demelza, I thought you didn’t want anyone to know of your condition just yet,” he said with a sideway glance to his aunt.

“I don’t but Aunt Agatha seemed to know without my saying anything,” Demelza said as she slipped her hand into his.

“How?”

“My boy I told you when you visited that there would be children in your life. Did you think I was making it up?”

Agatha snorted at him before taking a sip of port.

“No aunt. I should know better than to doubt your predictions,” he said looking at Demelza with a grin.

“Exactly.  Now why don’t you help me to a seat?” she said.

Taking her arm, Ross led his aunt to a chair by the fire while Demelza rejoined Caroline.

“Will Dwight be here soon? I don’t want him to miss all the festivities,” Demelza said.

“I expect he should be arriving at any moment,” Caroline said. “And how are you, my dear? You and Ross seem so happy.”

“We are happy Caroline.  More than I ever thought possible.”

“I’m glad.  If ever Dwight and I had a couple to hold up as an example of a successful and happy marriage, it’s yours.”

Demelza pondered that for a moment as thoughts of what happened over the past year crept into her mind. 

“Well it hasn’t always been easy but nothing worth fighting for and having is easy, is it?”

Caroline shared a look with Demelza and understood.

“You’re right.  It makes the winning so much sweeter.”

The women were chatting pleasantly when Dwight appeared at the door with another man in tow.  Ross went to great them as Caroline and Demelza watched from across the room.  Shaking both their hands, Ross led Dwight and the new guest to where their wives stood. Giving Caroline a kiss, and then taking Demelza’s hand, Dwight introduced his friend and a new assistant.

“Demelza, may I present Hugh Armitage.”  

_To be continued….._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and supporting this work even though it's not perfect or beta'd.  
> As you can see there will be a sequel but I need to recover first....as do you I'm sure...  
> Until then I will be working on my other fics. You can't get rid of me yet.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Sinead O'Connor song. 
> 
> Thank you to Robyn Neil Peck on FB for the idea. I wasn't going to revisit this incident but then the idea of "what if" as well as picturing a jealous Ross (pre Hugh Armitage) watching Demelza juggling suitors was too much to resist. 
> 
> This could be the start of #makerosspay and #howdemelzagothergrooveback -- @amandarprescott


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